Kids - Where is Home?


My son said he wanted to go home while he was at my place. My husband left and has his own place. I think he is encouraging my kids to call his place home. I got really mad at him which was a mistake. The judge didn’t really like my husband so the kids spend most of the time with me. I think he wants the kids with him more so he doesn’t have to pay as much child support. Can I let them spend more time with him but get the same money from him or do we have to go back to court?


If you have primary custody you can allow extra visitation time with the non custodial parent. Keep in mind that child support is based on the number of overnights the child spends with each parent. And it’s not necessarily carved in stone. Giving the child extra time with the other parent is not always a bad thing and will not negatively affect the amount of child support. Although, if there is a drastic amount of difference in the number of overnights, and the schedule is going to continue, the other parent can file for a modification of child support.

IMHO, this post sounds as though you are using the child to get child support. That may not be the case, and maybe I’m reading the post wrong, but please, do not put the child in the middle of you & your ex’s arguement. Unless there is a danger to the child of abuse or neglect, the child has a right to time with each parent equally. This should not be taken personally, but instead looked at as what is best for the child. The child does not deserve to have to choose between their father and mother and it’s cruel to force them into that position.
I see this as the father may be trying to make the children more comfortable by providing a “home” for them at his place…It’s his home and so it should be theirs also…
My stepsons have two homes and though they at times find it difficult, they appreciate the fact that they do not have to pack a bag to visit the other parent. They have everything they need at both places. They are welcome at both houses and both houses are “home” to them.
Again, just my opinion, but it may be a good idea to rethink your position on this. Maybe talk to a counselor. You have gone through a lot and seem to be understandably bitter about the whole situation, but your children do not deserve to be subjected to the fallout.
Was your ex a good father prior to your separation? Did you have any reason to believe that he would do anything to put the children in jeopardy prior to your separation? More than likely, his parenting skills have not dimished since your separation and regardless of the reasons you two aren’t together any longer, that does not change the fact that he is the father. You are their mother and that will never change either. Being selfish with their time, to me, only shows insecurity and a doubt of their feelings for you. If there’s no reason to doubt that then you should allow extra time if it can be given. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and do hope you find peace of mind.