I understand completely where you are coming from, and I’m sure you are a pretty intelligent man to know that if he wanted to he could contest it.
You need to ask yourself (I’m talking from the I’ve already talked with a lawyer about this, so I know what I am talking about) why isn’t he contesting this divorce or the custody arrangement. The fact of the matter is that if he did, they would find out at work of his infidelities (all the proof that goes along with it) with his friend’s spouse (trust me I have all kinds of proof from the both of them talking, detailed everything…he is definately in a tough spot)…not to mention that he is bi-polar…so he would probably get dishonorable discharge (not from that but from this other behavior that not even his friends know about). That means no child support for me, our house would foreclose, he would have no options of ever becoming a cop like he wants to be, his military career would end, he would not get custody of our son because of other things, so he knows as well as I do that life as he knew it (being pretty darn nice, and goes with the flow) would be over. It would go from one day having a family and a career to…nothing absolutely nothing. And the fact that he would lose his best friend out of all of this that he claims hasn’t done anything wrong too.lol Man does he have his friend brainwashed! I swear if his friend just looked at his wife’s cell phone bill it would make him go…hmmm…what the??? So yeah I am being completely flexible considering all the horrible stuff he has done to me. Will I tell his BF, heck no. He is obviously stupid if he can’t see what is going on right under his nose. I know I caught it early enough.
If he does contest it, that’s okay it will just cost him more money in the end. People are allowed to make mistakes, and I forgive him for that. But it doesn’t mean I want him, nor do I want to be his friend. I’ll be civil and polite and nice to him infront of my son, as well as not talk bad about his daddy to him or in front of him either. I’m so numb from all of this, and so very sick to my stomach I don’t stop to think about what it actually is. So I stay busy. Mine and his family is going to get our son through this as smoothly as possible. We have never ever been around family constantly for our son to experience that, and he needs it more than ever now. So do I. By outing my husband I am ruining his chances of ever being a father with his son. I won’t do that, that would be horrible for our son & just because he mucked up our relationship doesn’t mean I’m going to muck up his and our son’s.
I want this to go as smoothly as possible, and trust me with someone who can function around his friends and at work (well minus all the lies he tells everyone because he is so horrible at lying, that is all he does is lie, it’s awful) and then saving it for us at home he is gonig to start coming out to people when we are gone. I just hope he gets the help he needs. I know I tried, and tried, and tried, and probably should of given up years ago. I think I just wanted to him to get help and me not leave him until he did, without even realizing that he will always be abusive, lying, controlling, and manipulative. What kind of marriage is that? That’s more like a bully picking on the nerds at school and I’m the nerd. No thanks. AT least this way I can be around my friends I’ve known for almost 20 years, as well as my family. He never allowed me to visit them, and once I started that’s when his actions got out of control (the last couple of years). He is seriously at a delusional point in his mania right now (you can sometimes get him to be normal, but then as soon as it comes it’s gone). And right now moving up to my family’s is going to help our son out the most. Everything will all come out in the wash in the end, but at least this way I am doing what needs to be done for our son. I’m sure you’ll understand that. My life went from being okay it’s a little complicated to nothing will save us now.
I need to put my son first, and actually take care of me now instead of my husband. He is my son’s father, but other than that I’m sure you can understand if I really could care less about what happens to my husband because I know in the end I have my ducks in a row and I can support my son and I…whereas dealing with my husbands problems is no longer my problem!