Maritial Agreement Questions!

We tried to sit down and come to agreement on dividing property, and it did not turn out as expected. Being that I am SAHM and he made it clear that he wanted me to stay home and not work, while he work, and paid for everything. I am not able to pay for the house and car payment. He says that he will not pay for them, that it will be added into Spousal support, and I can pay for them through that. Is this true, I thought that CS & SS was separate from him having to pay for house, car or utility bills. He knows that I will need to go back and further my education first, before getting a good paying job. He is really pushing for me to get the Divorce and getting a Job. Which I still do not want a Divorce. He is filing for a Divorce based on unhappiness and neglect. Yeah right! He admit the last time he came back that he was not happy in that relationship, he was sick and needed help. He never tried to get help, so he is back cheating again. Who should be unhappy, who was neglected when he cheated on me twice, abused me mentally, emotionally, verbally, and physically, and blamed me for his cheating, took our children through the worse of times as well for 10 years, and he still thinks that I should feel sorry for him, put up with his childish ways, being that he wants out and do not want to pay what he should. He says it is not fair that he should pay, I say but it is the right thing. He is only thinking about himself in all of this as usual. He admit being that we have just been separated for 21 days, he is living with someone else, which had me to believe he was at his parents, then parents thought he was back with me. Nothing but lies! Is there a law in SC where I can sue the person he is staying with, which I think is the second person who he had an affair with for two years 2001 - Dec. 2003, they were suppose to have broken it off, but who knows.

What rights do I have now? I am afraid that he might cut us off financially. How can I get CS, SS and get him to pay for house, car, etc. with out filing for Divorce in SC?

Husband is telling me that if I do not file for Divorce on grounds of adultery now, when we do go to court in 1 year, because he filed on grounds of unhappy and neglect, Yeah right! Then I will not be able to use that he had an affair against him at that time during the Divorce. Is this true.

I do not understand why you don’t want to separate from an abusive man. Forget the money - it’s not worth it. I’ve been there.

May I suggest a few things:

  1. Hire your own attorney - however you need to do it. There are agencies to help since you are not employed. Seek assistance through the battered women’s shelter. They know all of the resources in your area that provide services for minimal (or no) cost.

  2. DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT. Record conversations with him via a microcassette recorder, keep a journal of verbal agreements, abusive behavior, etc.

  3. Get counseling. I received counseling on a sliding scale through United Family Services. You will eventually learn that YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH LOVE AND RESPECT.

  4. I suggest you read “The Verbally Abuseve Relationship” by Patricia Evans. I bought it online used at a discount. You will see how his verbal manipulations are used against you. It’s really an amazing book. Dead on.

  5. Remember that this, too, shall pass. Look waaay down the road - 5, 10 years from now. Picture what a happy life, sans husband, would look like to you. Peace is priceless.

Best of Luck.

Oh, and remember, unless your husband is an attorney, he does not know the law! Don’t believe everything he says! And if he is, he has an upper hand and you need your own attorney. Your husband IS NOT LOOKING OUT FOR YOU. He is looking out for himself and anything you agree to will benefit him more than you. That’s why you need an attorney!

My husband is not an attorney, but a minipulative person who always have his way or else. I am not going to listen to him telling me these things to scare me into more fear of not making it without him. He says that he will pay for my attorney fees but have not seen any money for it yet, I have an appointment to see an attorney for $875 next week. I have tried contacting legal aid, but no one answered the phone. I will try back later, I was not sure if they would do such a good job in representing me being that it would be free. What is you take on this?

I am glad to be separated from him, it just hurts sometimes to know that he is gone for good, and all these years we shared together seems to mean nothing to him. It makes me feel like a failure as a wife, and just maybe I can do better. But that is the way I use to think in a much weaker mind, but I am much stronger this time, and he knows this, and it eats at him, that I am not begging him constantly to come back, and too his is living with one of the ladies that he cheated with earlier so that hurts too.

Thank you so much for your advice and encouragement. I needed that sooo much. I have good and bad days, and right now I am having a bad day, missing him a little, but I know the separation is for the best. I pray that I can make it through this, and like you said when I look at what the outcome might be in the future with someone who will love me for me, respect me and support me in my decisions as well as I for him. I do see a brighter side and feel a lot better. It is so good to know when others have been where I am and made it through it.

I will check into the other resources as well.

Bless you!

My husband has agreed to paying me $875 for attorney retainer fee with a check that is the other woman he is staying with bank account, she is willing to let him pay my attorney fees using her money. Should I trust this, that he is paying with her checking account? Very weird I know! He is really gone off the rockers and so is she. I am going to pay the lawyer for only legal advice and to see what she can do for our kids on CS and SP. I am still not wanting to file for Divorce, just to get some financial security for my kids.

Dear cumberobinson:

Greetings. I have not seen this until today…this leaves me a lot to read.

First, stop trying to do this yourself. You posted here because you have questions…which I cannot answer since you are asking about the law in SC and I only know the law in NC. But, since you posted here, it shows that you need assistance. Retain an attorney to help you. Good luck.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Divorce
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.

I have been married for 19 years living here in SC, my husband wants a Divorce, but I do not, he has no grounds on me, but he have cheated twice on me, and physically abuse me, I have pict to prove. I do not want to be mean about this, but I am angry about him wanting out after all I have taken from him during his lies and cheating on me. He is saying that he wants out because he wants to go be with someone that will listen to everything he says and do, this is his blame on me and mentally abusing me. I am very nervous about talking this over right now, for fear that he will talk me out of something that I need to get him to agree with.

He is asking for all the account bills and a copy of Income tax papers to give to his lawyer, so he want be billed for it. He says that he is going to pay for my lawyer. I am wondering where is he getting this money from. I was told by someone online to sit down and try and get everything in writing to what we agree on. I just spoke with my husband and he agree to coming over tonight and us sitting down and going over everything to what we will agree on. I found a SC Marital Agreement form online and will use that. I have several questions below:

My question is what if I ask for a certain amount of child/spousal support and it is not enough, or the court probably would have given more? Do I leave this part blank and let the courts decide the child/spousal support? He gets paid every two weeks.

What about property and Automobile? Should I ask him to pay mortgage being that I do not have a job, after all he is the one wanting the Divorce, we have four children 18, 16, 13, and 6 year olds. He is asking for a big screen TV we just bought, I do not want to give it to him, which the kids watch all the time and during family night. What if he rebels in giving me what I want and need?

What about our joint bank accounts? He has a bank account which he added me on to and I have a bank account that I added him on to.

What about health insurance? Being that I have been a SAHM am I entitle to stay on his Insurance. What about his life Insurance? I am entitle to still be beneficiary.

What is joint tax liability?

What about his pention and retirement account? Should this be dealt with our lawyers.

Any other advice would be greatly appreciated.