Multiple problems


First I will apologize for a long post. After 26 yr unhappy marriage, I made the mistake of adultery. It was discovered by STBX when he illegally accessed my yahoo mail. I confessed to him in hopes of mending the marriage. He wanted divorce. He stayed in the house and agreed to pay for it (he gets military BAH). I then took the majority of credit cards to balance out. I took over $40,000 while he took about $20,000. I have since paid in well over $20,000 towards these debts, including the finance charges. 2 months after separating, he moved in with another woman (can’t really prove except our adult kids will testify to it). House sold recently and now he has minimal bills while I work 2 jobs and can barely pay the bills. Then when he refused to file joint taxes this year, I got hit with $7500 in tax debt along with an audit of state taxes from 2006. As I can’t possibly pay that, I asked him for help with other bills and he refused and said he would pay what court ordered. I then got served and he is asking for alimony & PSS claiming he is dependent even tho he makes more than I do (even with both jobs). All I want is a simple divorce with him taking more of the credit cards so that I can cut down to one job. He is trying to claim the house in the marital debt although I had to leave and he draws housing based on dependents (I’m his only dependent). My lawyer said that there are no worries as the court will award him more of the credit card debt. After much research here is what I am thinking & questioning:

(a) He can’t admit the stolen emails as they are a violation of law. Can he use my confession against me since I was trying to work things out? With that said, can he prove adultery at all since this is his only proof?

(b) I know he can’t get PSS/alimony since he is cohabitating with another woman, but I have no proof. Will pictures taken by me or my kids, along with their testimony suffice as proof? Also is there any chance he will get PSS/alimony if I can’t prove it, when he makes quite a bit more than me?

© I was of the understanding that if you keep the property, then you pay for it, i.e. cars, etc. Can he claim the house under the ED? Again it is sold now (no equity was in it, sold for payoff). Also does it sound like he will get more of the other monthly debt? Will I get credit for what I’ve paid into them?

(d) Can the taxes (especially the 2006) be applied to marital debt, since he did benefit from my income? The taxes were filed in my name alone since he is military and not a legal resident of NC.

Sorry this is so lengthy and so many questions. I just am so stressed and just want some of the stress to go away. Reading your forum has been a great way to obtain information.


The confession you made regarding the affair is admissible in court and your STBX can testify to what you said.
With respect to the PSS and Alimony, if what you say regarding his income is true, he is not entitled to alimony or PSS as he is not the dependant spouse. I would also suggest that you make a motion to have him reimburse you for the attorney’s fees you incur defending his frivolous claim.
If the house has already sold and there was no equity in the home there was no equity to split. Your spouse may get credit for any of the principal reduction he paid down during the period of separation, but he cannot claim the entire sum he paid toward the mortgage as his portion of the marital debt. While the payments you have made towards other debts will be accounted for. I see no reason why the court would not equitably distribute the debt in a 50/50 split.
So long as you were living together as husband and wife in 2006 the tax debt is a martial debt as well.