I am assuming they have 50/50 custody and the “parenting plan” has to do with child support and visitation? He can put into writing the things hes wants to change. Give her a chance to respond in writing. He can tell her the steps he’s willing to go through in order to change the current plan. Send it registered mail. Give her an alloted time (30 days should be good) to respond. Maybe they can negotiate. If she flat out refuses, then get the mediator involved. You can show that he attempted to come to an agreement between the parents. If this does go before a judge, chances are it will go in his favor, 8 years, his willingness to discuss this between the parents, her inflexability, etc etc. Keep all correspondence in writing. Counteract her arguments with calm logic. This has worked well for how my husband handles issues with his ex. Good Luck

The ex has sole physical custody and they have joint legal custody. The child support is addressed in a separate child support order.

The Parenting Plan only addresses custody, that neither party shall have a member of the opposite sex spend the night, that when both parties start dating seriously they have to introduce the new partner to the other party, DD spends time with the respective parent on their birthday and Mother’s/Father’s Day, no drinking, neither party shall denigrate the other parent to the child, etc. There is nothing with regards to alternating holidays, summer visitation, or every-other-weekend visitation. There are other provisions that need to be in there just because SD is getting older and this will be something that grows with her.

We’re not quite ready to let her know our plans right now because there are some other things that are in play right now. But it will get to that point and I just want to make sure we’re ready.

Thanks for the response.

The purpose of mediation is to help them reach an agreement. He does not have to try to come to an agreement before mediation. However, if they can resolve this without litigation, that is almost always better for the children involved.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

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Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780


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My husband needs a completely new Parenting Plan. His daughter was 2 years old when the original Parenting Plan was filed and it’s not worth the paper it’s written on. She’s now 10 years old!

Will he have to try to come to an agreement with his ex wife before filing for Mediation or can he just file to go straight to Mediation? There is no way his ex wife will agree to half of the things he’ll be asking for.