Modifying Support and Visitation Military Ex

North Carolina Divorce Law Divorce and Separation Answers
1

The court may order that the children visit him in Japan because he is there for the military and the court will consider that a valid reason. If they do not go to Japan will he be able to see the children at all?

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.

2

I proposed that he come back to the states to visit with the children three times per year. During their spring break, 2 weeks in the summer and the first part of their Chistmas Break the cost would be cheaper for him to do this and he would actually be spending time with the children instead of trying to work and visit with them. Also this keeps them from having to go nine months without seeing their father. He recieves 30 days of leave(vacation) per year and this would keep the children from having to travel 17 hours on a plane. My children are 6, 9, and 12. I also have a fear that their father will not bring them back like he is supposed to because in the past he has threatened not to bring them home from their visits with him and I was told that there was nothing I could do about it unless I took him back to court which would be impossible in another country.

3

Trying to get this back to the top. I am really concerned about this issue. I will do anything in my power to have my children happy. Them going to Japan is not what is best for them and I feel that I am the best judge of that. I know that lots of mom’s think that they are the best for their children but I know that I am. I left my ex without having a job, I had 200$ to my name and in 2 months I had set up a home for them, arranged child care, had a job that allows me to make 29,000$ a year and I only work 14 days a month. I am able to be home with the children when they leave for school and come home 5 of those days and I am here to tuck them in the other 5 and I am home every other weekend. Thier father never knows when and if he will be able to see the children and this was HIS choice. He reenlisted knowing that Japan would be a possibility. I have truned down many career advancements in the last 3 years to make sure that the children have that stability. Will the court take that into consideration? I have hired a lawyer that I really can not afford, I had to take out a loan for that and all the while he is driving around in a $45,000 dollar SUV, that he wants me to help put gas in so he can see his kids.

4

The court will take all of the facts you have mentioned into account and make a detemination based on the best interests of the children. You are correct that a 17 hour flight is a long time for young children and the court may not order them to do it.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.

5

Firstly, with what you’ve done to make a better life for your children, you’ve done good mom :slight_smile:

But to be honest, having him fly back 3 times a year is asking too much. A, he’s military and moving because of a change in duty station. You can’t ask the military to get him to take off all that time, 30 days leave a year or not. If I recall correctly, those that go to Japan don’t come back that often, or can’t (according to friends who’ve been stationed there). I’m uncertain myself having not had that circumstance, but considering the price you mentioned, unless you’re offering to pay for half or ALL of it, I think you’re too much from him. You could offer to let them go one year, have him come the next year, etc. But flat out saying “no” isn’t going to help anyone, least of all your children. You can let the judge know how you feel, of course, but don’t say “no” to the kids. Just be there for them. They might not want to go to another country and be scared of that prospect, sure, its completely different than anything they’ve ever done, but he is after all their father, and opening them up to a new culture might be a good experience for them, you never know! They aren’t moving there permanently, just visiting.

Your comment, though, about not returning them, I’m sure there is some way to ensure that he does that, being military and all, what can he do, where can he go without the full force of the military weighing down on him if he did decide to do something moronic like that?

I hope I don’t sound so blunt, but we’ve “been there done that” trying to be so strict with allowing this and allowing that and often times it backfires. We had an attorney once tell us “give them enough rope to hang themselves, and in the meantime, document, document, document. The more open and responsive we are about having our children having meaningful relationships with the other parent, the better they will be and the better we will be portrayed by our actions in court.”

Good luck, and definitely let us know what happens.

6

My ex and his new family are being stationed in Japan for the next three years. I have primary legal custody of our three children and visitation is set up now where my ex has the children every other weekend and we share holidays. He has proposed and taken me to court to get the children in Japan for their whole summer break because of the high price of air fare to Japan for three children. I am opposed to them traveling that far and I informed my ex of this two years ago when it was first brought up. My children do not want to go to Japan and have expressed this to numerous people other than myself including their pediatrician. He has also proposed that his child support be lowered because of the cost of flying the children to Japan. He pays 800$ a month for three children he ia a E6 with 11 years in the Marine Corps. I just want to know what his chances of getting the visitation and child support changed to suit his wants. As it is now he does not get the children like he is supposed to and has only had the children a total of about 60 days since we divorced 2 years ago. He also could have gotten out of the Marine Corps but choose to reenlist this year.

Shannon R Carter