Mom to step moms


#1

In the big scheme of things is this really important? Besides wearing the ring this woman probably feels like she is acting like a stepmother. Her title is not going to change your relationship with your son.


#2

If they are in a serious relationship then it’s normal for the child to want the “family” atmosphere. My suggestion is that you don’t react too much. Do not confront the ex. You can mention to your son that IF/when his father remarries, then she will be his stepmother but not until then. You can also re-enforce that you are his mother and that will not change regardless of what happens.
Do you have a amicable relationship with your ex or her? If so, then you may want to mention to them that this statement confused him. You don’t have to do it confrontationally, just let them know that they need to be careful about what is said. Hopefully, this was not said specifically to hurt you.
It is difficult to hear that statement, and you may feel a little bitter. That’s normal. The thing to keep in mind is that you are his mother. Regardless of who else is in his life, that is your place and nothing will change that. He can have room in his life for extended family but it will not change your role. Hang in there and I applaud you for not jumping on defense.


#3

Thank you so much for the advice and reassurance. I did mention to my ex and he said that he is not aware of it. I was calm about it.

quote:
[i]Originally posted by stepmother[/i] [br]If they are in a serious relationship then it's normal for the child to want the "family" atmosphere. My suggestion is that you don't react too much. Do not confront the ex. You can mention to your son that IF/when his father remarries, then she will be his stepmother but not until then. You can also re-enforce that you are his mother and that will not change regardless of what happens. Do you have a amicable relationship with your ex or her? If so, then you may want to mention to them that this statement confused him. You don't have to do it confrontationally, just let them know that they need to be careful about what is said. Hopefully, this was not said specifically to hurt you. It is difficult to hear that statement, and you may feel a little bitter. That's normal. The thing to keep in mind is that you are his mother. Regardless of who else is in his life, that is your place and nothing will change that. He can have room in his life for extended family but it will not change your role. Hang in there and I applaud you for not jumping on defense.

#4

I guess it depends on the context first of all. Before I was officially the step (hate that!) bonus mom, I wouldn’t separate my children out because I felt it put the focus on something that didn’t need to be and wasn’t necessary anyone’s business. For instance, if introducing the kids, I would say "these are our children, betty, bobby,sue, mike, etc) How weird it would sound to say, “these are MY children, and this is johnny my boyfriend’s kid” I also think that makes the kids feel weird.

In the grand scheme of things, I don’t think it matters. People get hung up on terminology and really all it does is cause conflict.


#5

Did your ex handle this situation?

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#6

In need of advice. My ex husband is in a live in relationship with his girlfriend. My son just came home from a 7 day trip with them and he asked me why was his girlfriend telling everyone she was his step-mom? How do I react? Do I confront her, my ex or leave it alone? I suppose that is the eventual fate if and when they marry, but until then I think my son is confused. I’m a bit annoyed as well as it caught me off guard and I did not know how to respond to my son.