I’m thinking that the separation began in Sept. If you left the home while he was there visiting the children and you did not live with him again after presenting him with the agreement then that would be the date. Though he refused to sign the agreement the separation would still have begun when you began to live separately from each other…
He would still have been responsible for the household bill unless he signed the agreement so you could request an unequal distribution of the marital assets. He was not living in the home or holding up his finacial obligations to the marital home after Sept…wonder how he thinks that the separation date is when YOU moved…?
Next problem… my STBX called last night (after not calling for a week). My 4 year old asked him when he would see him. Problem is, my STBX chose to move 4 hours away last month. Now, my STBX insists that I have to drive our 4 year old 1/2 way every other weekend to see him. He won’t come get him. (our 16 year old doesn’t want to see or talk to him). We don’t have a custody agreement. I told him that I won’t do that; I didn’t chose to move so far away. I can’t afford to drive that, and we do have the 16 year old who plays showcase baseball and travels every weekend (from June to November). How can I possibly do this? He says that the court will order me to do this. What can I do?
It’s not necessarily that the court would order you to do this but it’s a possibility that they could in order for visitations to take place. You can attempt to work out a schedule that works for you and see if you can get the STBX to agree. Run the child support calculator and see if what he is paying you is reasonable or if that amount should be more. Use that…if he should be paying $100 more then suggest to him that if he would pay you $50 more a month in child support, you could afford to meet him 1/2 way. If you are willing to compromise, maybe he would be willing also.
It’s a good idea to share the responsibility for visitations. I know that you did not choose to move and that it doesn’t quite seem fair but look at it from the courts perspective;
Here’s a father who quit his probably higher paying job and moved…refused to sign a child support agreement and though he has been sending you child support the amount is considerably less than the guidelines, is not staying in contact with the children or keeping up his finacial responsibilities for the marital debts.
Then there’s you, the mother, who has taken on all the marital debt, primary custody and has even attempted to agree out of court about child support and ED. Making a reasonable attempt to work together for the best thing for your child.
I’d suggest consulting an attorney, file for primary custody, file for child support and file for an unequal distribution of the marital assets due to abandonment. If he’s unwilling to work with you, this may be your only option.
Keep records of everything. Every receipt, every conversation, every attempt to work on an agreement.
Some of the others may have some suggestions also.
Thanks for your thoughts, and you’re right. Saving for a lawyer is what I’m trying to do now. You’ve given some good advice from a source away from the “hurt”. It’s hard to see your kids hurting…
Was he spending the night at the home after September 2007?
Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm
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To recap my situation: I’d asked my STBX for a divorce for years. In August, I presented him with a seperation agreement/child support agreement, which he refused to sign. Starting Sept. 07, he stopped paying any of the bills in the house. He came to the house every other week and stayed for 40 hours, while I left the house. He did this so the kids didn’t have to stay in the truck. Some weekends that he had them he got a hotel room. The rest of the time, he lived in his semi-truck (wherever his job took him). As I said, he no longer gave me any money for the household bills, but he did give me a check every week for 1/4 of what I’d asked for in the agreement for child support, on which he wrote “child support” in the memo line. No longer able to pay the bills in the house, and wanting to seperate, I left the house with the children in December. He quit his job and moved to Wilmington. He has sent me checks continuously (although they’ve gotten smaller), always marked “child support”. I had no way to contact him for over 17 days because he didn’t give me any forwarding information. So, when were we seperated? When he started paying me “child support”, or when I signed a lease at a different address? I felt that since he no longer supported the household and was giving me “child support” and didn’t really live in the house, we seperated in Sept. 07. He says we didn’t seperate until Dec.