Mother doesn't work

I’m not an atty, but been there before- well, still am. Well, if she does start to work, chances are, you will end up paying more. Count your blessings. Child support is figured based on the total income of the parties and also child care etc. You could be paying one heck of alot more. Have you tried different scenarios based on her possibly income? Also, her going to school will cost you as well. Best thing for you to do is to get custody if you really want it and be done with it. Make sure you hire a good attorney.

good luck

If your child is under the age of two it is unlikely the court will impute income to her. If your child is over the age of two the court will likely impute minimum wage, however, the court may also impute day care expenses to her which will affect child support.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

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I tried to let this pass, but I couldn’t. Child support isn’t meant to “support” the other parent… it is meant to support YOUR child. 450.00 a month… Let’s see…
Insurance at least 100.00 a month
Child care would not be needed if the momma stays home, otherwise 150.00 (afterschool) to approx 750.00+ (infant in daycare)
food… estimated 50.00 to 75.00 a week just for the kid, mind you)
Clothing… figure a total of 12 outfits needed a year… so one a month… 20.00 MINIMUM
Shoes… figure a pair every 3 month… growth and wear and tear 20.00 Minimum a pair…6.67 a month.
So far at a MINIMUM you tally 326.67 (no child care as per your case.)
Does your child like to have lights?.. heat? A roof over his/her head? Just because your ex is living with her momma doesn’t mean these necessities are free.
Then there are school supplies, doctor/dental fees not covered by insurance, medications, “treats” (mcdonalds, movies, hairbows, matchbox cars… just insert your particular child’s extra), depending on the age, extracurricular activies, social expectations (if invited to a birthday party… they’re expected to take a gift… you wouldn’t want him/her left out socially?), school field trips, older kids have car insurance, cars, cellphones, and other things that aren’t covered by the child’s part time job income…
I doubt your ex is living in the lap of luxury on your dime… not at 450.00 a month.

I am also not trying to say all of these expenses apply to your situation and I do believe an ablebodied person should work. But you need to see there is another view of what your money is actually going to pay for.

How about tattoos, new hair do’s, lip piercing, going off for the weekend without her child, bar tabs, etc…I pay insurance, I pay co-pays, I pay for medicine, I pay for speech therapy, she gets food stamps…

I think what trbotina is getting at is that child support more than daycare, health insurance. NC looks at the formula as if you were still married-how much per month would it take to raise that child based on gross income. When you’re married, you don’t see the actual amount (groceries, clothes, home/utilities, doctor, school)…you just pay it as normal living expenses.

My brother is paying the same amount of child support he was when both kids were in daycare. He could have had it changed, but with increase in income and the expense to have it changed-he left it. He realizes that now, the kids have other expenses that they didn’t then (more clothes, cell phones, driving a car, car insurance, extracurricular activities, more food…) Yes, the child can get a job to help-but it doesn’t cover it all.

Unfortunately, you can’t dictate what the child support money is spent on. I can see how that would make you mad to see the ex doing things that may be using he money you send for your daughter.

As in my earlier post on divorce-I’ve seen and lived both sides. I rarely see a happy, amicable, fair to both parties arrangement. Someone always feels wronged, jilted, cheated, deprived. It is hard.

I also understand how aggrivating this situation can be. It never seems that child support is actually spent on the child but the courts do not care about that. As long as you are paying what you are supposed to you are doing what’s right. You could have the amount looked at if the child is school age. I would think that a judge could make a more informed decision of whether or not the ex is not working because of inability or choice. If she is truly living expense free because you are paying her child support plus paying for everything else for the child then that could be shown in court.
If you were together you wouldn’t argue over who paid for a doctor visit or a pair of shoes, you would simply pay it. Child support is the amount that the guidelines tell you is your portion of what it takes to raise your child per month based on your income.

My husband’s ex uses the child support to pay her rent at the first of every month so then for the rest of the time, she tells the children that she doesn’t have the money for; field trips, lunch money, that extra pair of jeans or shoes when they wear a hole through what they have. My husband explained to them to begin with that this is what the money was for and so they do not want to ask him for it, but his ex tells them to ask him. Now being a good father, he can’t simply tell them no so we end up buying what they need and she gets to spend her money on what they want…
For Christmas, I spent close to $600 on new clothes. This was after spending that amount in August for new school clothes…Then we took them to get shoes last weekend. Their mother buys them new game systems and cell phones and tells us that she doesn’t have the money to buy them any clothes…that makes her the “fun” parent.

My suggestion is to consult an attorney with the facts and see if their opinion is that a judge would look more favorably on you for your efforts to maintain your support payments than on your ex for doing nothing to improve her situation. If you are going back for more custody then that would decrease the child support I believe if there are less overnights with the mother…

I know that feeling all too well. My ex has not held a full time paying job in over 4 years and I pay over $600 a month for two children. I pay all the insurance costs, costs for transportation for visitation (about $100 every two weeks just for gas), plus whatever expenses are incurred while they are with me. If I were to try to modify support at this point, I would end up paying a lot more, just because she refuses to work. She has remarried and her new husband is independently wealthy, so between his income and my child support, she does not have to work. And, as we all know, income of a second spouse does not count in child support issues. NC really needs to look at modifying its support laws to make them more equitable for both parties

I understand why alot of the child support payers are frustrated with what they precieve (and in some cases it’s true) that their ex’s are living high on the hog at their expense. I do not agree, historyman, that if there is a remarrage the new spouse’s income should be automatically calculated in. The new spouse did not bring this child into the world. They are not the momma or daddy. I am speaking as a momma and a step momma. While I do have a child of my own, I do not treat my husband’s kids any different… I spend on the just as I do mine (my choice). BUT… my income is calculated into raising my son, my ex is supposed to support his son, but doesn’t. So my income should be incorperated in the support of my step kids too? that would leave my son out in the cold. My husband’s ex pays him 150.00 a month child support. They have the 50/50 arraingement. We pay insurance, afterschool, 75% of extracurricular activities, clothes. etc etc etc… She works part time. Her choice. They never went through court and agreed to go by the calcualtor to do the payment amounts. My husband got the short end of the stick because she works part time at a job below her earning potential. But is it worth the arguement and animosity that going through the courts would require?
Personally, I feel that if somebody is not recieving ssi or disability, there should be a base income established for the amount they “could” bring home if they worked full time. With a small child that would probably not cover what daycare would cost, but for parents of older kids it would be useful. With three kids home with us during the week, I would LOVE to only work part time… to be involved in the kid’s school more as I was when my ex and I were married. To be there when they get out of school, play soccer mom. But with life being what it is I can’t. In a perfect world all children would be cared for, loved, supported and grow up nice and healthy. We live in the real world… there are deadbeat moms and dads, parents who do not put their children first, and people who always have something we cannot have.

Have you gone through CSE to determine what you should pay? IF you feel that her lifestyle is detramental to the child, you can file for primary custody. You may not win, but most likely the judge will make a 50/50 arraingement.

Well, she DOES indeed live “high on the hog” While both my new spouse and myself work 40+ hours per week at demanding jobs, barely scraping by, they enjoy satellite TV (while we do not even have cable), all the bells and whistles on their home phone, every person in their house has their own computer (we have one for the entire family), and just this past summer, they took 3 very expensive vacations (Bahamas Cruise, Disney, Mountains) while I could not take ANY time because of a medical condition that required surgery and time off from work to recover. I am still paying medical bills for that to boot. Meanwhile, both of them are at least a pack a day smokers on top of it all. When the kids come, I often have to shell out extra money just to buy them shoes that fit their growing feet. All this while I pay faithfully (never been late or short on payments in 5 years, pay all travel costs with visitation, all medical, dental, and life insurance fees. Almost forgot, they also receive Medicare, even though they have plenty of money. I am glad to support my children and will continue to do so. But, I still feel that non custodial parents should have some sort of accountability when it comes to how they spend the monies that custodial parents pay.

Are you impyling that your responsibility should be taken care of by the new husband? If she has custody (I assume that is why you only get to see the children two times a month), and you pay 600.00 per month for two kids… then yes you are getting a good deal. My ex was ordered to pay me 499.00 a month for one child and I was working full time although he made about 3.00 an hour more than I did. At this point both my husband and I have a full time and part time jobs each. Although we did just build a house, last year all five of us lived in a 750 sq foot mobile home. I have had medical issues that required a week at Duke. I know where you are coming from. The thing is, the system is unfair to everybody in some way or another. I honestly do not care if it is unfair to me… as long as my son gets what he needs. As it stands… I do not count on the support I get from my ex when I make my budget. When he has to pay to stay out of jail… it is like “extra money” I either pay bills with or get everybody a little surprise. That would look awful on paper… I can see my ex in court now… “See here, your honor… two days after I made my child support payment, she had the nerve to use MY money to take her new husband and his kids with them to the movies.” He would fail to state that all the while, I pay EVERYTHING involved in my son’s upbringing. I even have to wash the clothes he wears while at his dad’s. I feel I get screwed because my ex doesn’t pay, my husband feels he gets screwed because his ex works part time, my ex feels he gets screwed because I’m out to get him, you feel screwed because your ex married somebody with money, you’re current wife feels screwed because she has to do without because you have to support your kids… we all can point out places where we feel we got the short end of the stick. Could I use the extra money evry month… of course, but my son is more important to me than that. He is what is important and I will and do work a second job in order to give him what he needs. When my ex took him to Orlando over Thanksgiving week, I was a little jealous that I couldn’t do that for him, but I was glad my son had the oppritunity to go.

I am not suggesting that at all. All I am saying is that I know for a fact that the money that I pay does not really go to support my children. I will, however, keep paying it, not because some court tells me I have to, but the fact that it is my respnsibility, because as the old saying goes, “what goes around comes around” My son, who is legally and adult now, but is still in high school, tells me everything that goes on. As I stated before, when I pay 100% of all travel costs because she won’t drive, 100% of all insurance costs (some of which were not court ordered, but I clearly saw were needed) and then I still have to get them clothes and stuff when they are with me because I get clothes 1-2 sizes too small at visitation (funny thing but she never seems to lack good clothes), that’s where I have the problem. Incidentally, my son tells me that the money that my ex’s husband came into is nearly all gone now too. All I want is some equity in the system.

For my situation, it is just frusterating that everyone in her life enables her to be a lazy bum. We were never married by the way. It is just frusterating knowing that she has no income other than my child support, but somehow manages to get tattoos, go out on the town, get body piercings, etc…I have hired an attorney to shoot for at least 50/50 custody because there are also other issues. The child needs speech therapy and occupational therapy(determined my an M.D.) and the mother insists that she doesn’t need it. She has also posted incriminating pictures and things on her myspace about her doing drugs when she is actually supposed to be with the child. I understand the concept of child support and know that it does go for things like housing, etc…but seriously…she has NO bills so she spends all the money on herself and then complains to me that she needs diapers and has no gas money to come pick up her child.

what you say is true… what goes around does come around… sometime it takes FOREVER to get back to you but it does. You have the right attitude about it. I am unsure about what can be done to provide accountability in a blanket way. You , and your child/ren know who provides for them… what they need. I know about the clothes two sizes too small… my step son came come in a size 5/6 sweater… he wears a 8/10… (each provide clothes for when they have the children) Honestly if she would stop putting him in clothes that could possibly get him beat up at school, I’d provide clotes for the boy to wear. But this is where we have no say and we’re going to have to let him speak up for himself.

Yes, it is frustrating to see someone being enabled like this. BUT this is your child, you have to own up and be the adult if her momma won’t. Sucks to be in that position, but it is necessary. Your best bet is to go for primary custody… things like the fact that she refuses to acknowledge that a MD has reccomended speach therapy. Document things by printing right off her myspace pages to show the types of activities she is engaging in while your daughter is in her custody and control. Don’t make it about the money… you’ll loose every time. Make it about your child.

Should I be paying this much? My child’s mother does not work or go to school or do anything for that matter. She and my child live with her mother. She has no bills to pay and shows absolutley no interest in doing anything to financially support her child. I notice that on the child support calculator, that because she doesn’t work at all, that I end up paying more child support. How is that fair? Is there anything that I can do right now? I am saving money to go back to court to get more custody, but in the mean time, I feel like I am supporting her and my child. I pay $450 per month in support.