Must we force the children to see their mother?


#1

Why do you insist on referring to your husband’s child as ‘our daughter’?


#2

Ok, now that stylsu has asked that, I have a question: What did this mother do so terribly that you are so determined to RUIN her relationships with HER children? Some mothers are terrible, and dont deserve their children, but I have not seen you say anything about the actual ‘trauma’ they have suffered. Why would YOU tell a nine year old that SHE needs to tell he mom if she doesnt want to go w/her, at the front door? She is nine…suggest a lunch that she can talk things over with HER MOTHER and possibly resolve some outstanding issues between THEM (not you!!). BE POSITIVE! I think that you and your husband are causing trauma to this poor child. I do think it is positive she is in counseling, However, I am not too sure the good it will do If you and/or dad are in the room.


#3

Wow, the two of you were pretty vicious with my husband. Is there some rule that he had to post under his own username? He was supposed to post under our original thread, but apparently he did not. I would suggest that you read the other thread (topic) to find out exactly what “mother” did to the children. Plus there is a whole HOST of negative things concerning “mother’s” behaviors and attitude that came out when the 9 yr old had many sessions with a forensic psychologist since the ‘visit with mother’ outlined in the original topic. Neither of us have EVER been in the room during her counseling sessions. The forensic psychiologist has recommended long-term therapy with a local therapist who specializes in childhood trauma.

Incidentally, since “mother” ABANDONED husband and the children, one just a toddler, many years ago and showed no interest in being a part of their lives for years, I am most definitely “Mom” to these kids. I will not apologize for loving these children, and giving them security and a true home. They know who their “mother” is, we have done our best to foster that relationship since she ‘reappeared’.

We were unsure of the legality of telling “mother” ourselves that 9 yr old did not want to go. We thought she would just go, and her telling her mother that was fully unexpected. I think her therapist would consider her finally standing up to her mother progress under the circumstances. What option did we have?! “Mother” moved four hours away a long time ago - do you expect her to drive up for a lunch?! For goodness sakes, the poor kid is facing long-term therapy because of the trauma caused by this woman, how DARE you accuse US of traumatizing her?!! If anything, we have done EVERYTHING to protect their best interests, in their best interests. And incidentally we have gone above and beyond to help this woman foster a positive relationship with her children and SHE blew it - not us.

FYI, what “mother” did to her children, and other things we have discovered since, are SO serious that a judge granted an emergency ex-parte order! Ask your lawyer how many judges will grant an ex parte order of this type, especially 4 days before Christmas, and perhaps you will understand that you DON’T understand the whole story, or the extent of the gross negligence of her actions and behavior. “Mother” certainly understands… she voluntarily AGREED to continue the supervised visitation outlined under the ex parte order until a new arrangement can be reached.

Perhaps you could keep in mind that not ALL mothers are like you - some mothers just don’t want to be Moms, or cannot put their own selfish needs and wants aside. And there are plenty of stepmoms and dads out there who really HAVE given it their all to help the ex with the relationship, but there was a straw that just broke the camel’s back. THE CHILDREN AND THEIR BEST INTERESTS COME FIRST. Frankly, you all should consider reserving your opinions, if we want them we will post on one of the other forums. Just let the LAWYER answer the questions.

In any case, Ms. Fritts, what should we do??


#4

Dear ConcernedStepMom:

Greetings. Yes, you must “force” her to go. I know that she did suffer a rather unsavory experience, but that means that you should ask the judge to have her visit with mom at a counselor or that they go to counseling together.

Let me ask you this, if she wanted to go out and drive your car, would you let her? If she wanted to stay up until 1:00 a.m. every school night, would you let her? If she did not want to go to school because she was embarrassed the day before, would you let her stay home? Hopefully, you would say no to these. Therefore the same applies for when she tries to set up the custodial schedule. You must enforce the rules, that you are the parents, and the parents make the rules. I hope that helps (although I am sure that is not what you wanted to hear). Thank you.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Divorce
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

ROSENDIVORCE.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#5

Janet, thanks for the response to my husbands post. I was cetain we needed to send her, but he sure wasn’t. Sometimes hearing it from a lawyer is more pursuasive than hearing it from your wife [:I]

Incidentally we were able to have a good solid conversation with the 9 yr old on Saturday evening. She did go on Sunday, thus avoiding the need to force the issue. She understands as best she can why she needs to spend time with her mother. The rest will be left to discuss with her therapist. It isn’t always easy to do what is in the children’s best interests, but the children DO need a relationship with their mother for their future mental health regardless of what has happened… and there is no such thing as too many people who love you unconditionally :slight_smile:

If an agreement cannot be reached and no consent order is filed, my husband plans to petition to change venue to Wake County. Hopefully you would still be willing to take on our case.

Thank you.


#6

Dear ConcernedStepMom:

Greetings. We are always here to help you shoudl you need us. I am honored by your words.

Please remember that Motions to Change Venue should be filed as soon as the venue issue arises. I would file it ASAP and then have it as additional leverage in the negotiations. Best of luck.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Divorce
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

ROSENDIVORCE.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#7

Hello again, and thank you, Janet, for all of your advice.

Our children now have visitation with their mother only from 9AM to 6PM every other Saturday and Sunday, per the ex parte order we were granted. She is not allowed to leave Wake County with them, or have any male ‘visitors’. Our 9 year old, however, refused to go with her this morning. She is a very intelligent 9 year old who knows her own mind. Frankly, we don’t blame her after the trauma she has suffered with her mother, but we would NEVER tell our daughter that. We were flatly discouraging her from even considering not going, but it did not work. She got more and more upset the more we insisted, even more upset than when she saw her mother at Christmas.

We told our daughter that SHE had to tell her mother she didn’t want to go, and she was brave enough and confident enough to tell her mother at the door this morning. After much cajoling, trying to get our daughter to change her mind, her mother finally said, “OK, but just this one time”.

QUESTION: Do we have to force her to go??? Is it our responsibility to put her out the door into her mother’s car? She is 9 years old for goodness sake! Our daughter is in therapy thanks to this woman and her ‘activities’ !!! Unfortunately we will not have the first written report from the forensic psychologist until next week. What if our daughter locks herself in her room and refuses to come out?? We do NOT want to be in contempt of court, nor do we want to look bad in the court’s eyes. Our daughter’s mental health, however, is important too. Please advise!

Thank you.