Need help


#1

Dear soccermom27021:

Greetings. I am sorry to hear about the deception you lived with for so long. I am intrigued though, since you have an attorney, are you not able to get your questions answered? This worries me for you longterm.

  1. Yes, technically he committed abandonment, but in today’s society, the judges realize that someone has to leave. I don’t think this is relevant or an issue I would focus any of your attention on. Not seeking marriage counseling and refusing to come home is not relevant to abandonment. It sounds to me that you may be feeling slightly guilty for asking him to leave, but I think that you should banish those thoughts. It was either he leave or you be dragged down with the gambling debts with him.

  2. Whoa…slow down. You have a lot of anxiety over the alimony. Speak with your attorney about the likely outcomes of alimony. Yes, the gambling may play a part in helping to increase the amount of alimony you receive, but so will the cheating. Remember that at the end of the day, after all the fault is listed, alimony is a financial issue. What do you need to survive and prosper.

  3. He is doing “divorce” planning. With a gambler, I would wager that you are going to have to file a court action to get him to do what is right.

  4. He is wrong.

Best of luck.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Divorce
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
RosenDivorce.com
919-787-6668

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#2

Janet, thank you so much for the information.
It’s not that I don’t have a good attorney retained (at least I’ve heard he is good!), it’s just that I think of all these questions I should have asked when I was in his office which has only been twice-once for the consult & second to retain him. I do feel somewhat guilty for asking him to leave only due to the fact that from what I’ve read on here maybe I should have gotten the sep agreement before he moved out? He also says that I whacked him with that yardstick and bruised his arm which I did not do. He says he has a picture of the bruise which I find totally absurd unless he hit himself or had someone else to hit him. I’m really more angry now more than anything because he is continuing the lifestyle he had before the separation and I am not able to do so financially. He’s been on 3 mini vacations, so to speak, since August and I have been on none in 3-4 years! It’s really very difficult to prove the cheating issue because it’s in another state. I do know that he has obviously met someone while working in Pennsylvania/Maryland and apparently it’s someone with money(Lord, she better look out)because she dressed him up and took him out to a $450 ticket charity ball in a Hummer Limo.He showed some pictures to my daughter, but obviously didn’t tell her the whole story about what went on. She then understood the deal when I told her what I had heard. He then came back into town and went to play poker with his buddies and proceeded to brag about this little black tie affair he attended and word got back to me. It was pretty obvious when he went back up there for a weekend trip that there must be someone even though he told the kids that he was going on a deep sea fishing trip in Maryland, but it rained the whole time he was gone there so…He has so many loans off of his 401K and he says he is going to get 1/2 of mine that I have never borrowed off of and have had for 16 years. I will have to fight that one tooth & nail I know. He also says that he sold the country club membership stock this month, but he did not give me half of it! He said he used the money to pay me for the month of November? He also says that you can’t squeeze blood out of a turnip and that I am going to end up worse off than I am right now by taking him to court. I know I need to stop listening to him, but after 23 years of marriage he knows which buttons to push to make me react with anger and worry over what he tells me. If he refinanced his 401K loans to consolidate them after he moved out, am I responsible for half of that debt?


#3

Dear soccermom27021:

Greetings. You are only responsible for half of the debt existing on the date of separation, unless the debt was used for marital waste (like on trips to go and be with his girlfriend). If you do begin litigation with him, I would ask for all of his phone records (cell, business, apartment or new residence) as well as his e-mail information.

If he told his “poker” budies, have them in your attorney’s office for a deposition and then demand that all money used in Maryland be placed back into the marriage pot. Best of luck.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Divorce
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
RosenDivorce.com
919-787-6668

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#4

Was married for 23 yrs and problems really began in 2001. He admittedly had a gambling problem and was taking out loans & credit cards for cash advances and having statements mailed to his office. Forced to file Chapter 7 because of his addiction and of course there was the promise of I’ll never do it again. He continued his lavish spending without having the money to do so including a membership to a local golf & country club where most of the gambling was taking place. I found that he had a separate checking & savings account in his name( and at one point in 2004 he had $3800 in the savings account because I found a receipt) with the statements being mailed to his office as well as changing the address on his 401K statements where I know he had taken loans out against his 401K for gambling purposes and I suspect that he changed the address so that I wouldn’t know about any further ones he took out. He also began to lose weight, change his clothing style, color his hair, and go out at night without me. Final straw was in July when he purchased a brand new motorcycle even though I jumped up and down begging him not to. I heard that he had been at a bar with another woman until 2:30 AM so I went home from work and confronted him about it. A huge fight erupted and I grabbed a flimsy yardstick and proceeded to hit the bike. I told him he had to leave. I left the house to cool down so to speak and when I returned he had cleaned out all of his personal belongings and moved in with a golfing buddy from the country club. I have since allowed him to come back and get some furniture and stuff and he’s renting a house. I have retained a lawyer and he should be served with papers this week regarding alimony, ed, and child support for our 17 yr old daughter. My questions are these:

  1. Did he infact abandon the home when he moved out? I realize I told him to leave, but I truly did not mean that and it was in the heat of the moment. I’ve asked him to return several times so that we can get counseling, but he refuses.
  2. Will his reckless spending from 2001 play a part in alimony for me? I believe that his continued current reckless spending will help me. He is able to take 6 hour weekend trips to see a woman in another state and just this morning left for a 4 day golfing trip to Pinehurst while my daughter & I can’t even afford to go to the mall. He can do these things, but tells me that he has no money…Will the fact that he traveled for 20 years while I raised our children alone count for anything in the alimony? He never spent time with them because his weekends were for playing golf. I have a good job, but he makes twice the money that I do.
  3. For the 3 months that he has been gone he has made all of the house payment and given me a $300 child support check. For the month of November, he suddenly changed this and wrote me a $700 check for child support and a check for 1/2 of the house payment. Why do you think he changed this?
    4)He has been at his job for 24 years and has had overtime for all of those years, but he is telling me that I can not include his overtime as a part of his salary?
    Thanks for any advice you can provide.