Never Married - visitiation schedule?

You can not deny him visitation because you were never married. He is the father. Since you were never married though, you do have custody and have final say over the schedule of visitations so that it doesn’t interfere with her extra activities or ask that she be able to participate in those when she is in her father’s care. You can divide the holidays up so that she has equal time with you. For ex. Christmas eve she spends with you but spends Christmas day with her father. Something like that. You can not dictate what your daughter does while she is with her father unless it is detrimental to her well being or she is in danger.
I would suggest talking to your daughter. The only thing that can be done at this point would be to let him know that you are not denying visitation but that his daughter wants to spend that time with him instead of his mother. If he can not accomodate his daughter then he needs to find another time to visit with her.
Just a suggestion.

Dear mylittlediva:

Greetings. Yes, of course he can threaten to sue you for visitation. He is the father, and has parental rights. However, you need to put your concerns in writing to him.

I would suggest counseling for your child on how to cope with the negativity she is encountering. I would also suggest that you call your ex’s mother and discuss the situation with her. If it gets nasty, which it may, then simply tell her the rules are no negativity. Then, follow up in writing. When threatened with a lawsuit - document, document, document!

No, you cannoot limit the time she spends with his mother, or with him really. Every other weekend is not that much time. Your child will have to deal her whole life with negative people - especially on her father’s side of the family - so teaching her coping skills is your best bet here. Counseling would be a great solution.

Good luck.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
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Hello - First of all, I apologize for my lengthy message…thanks for reading. My daughter’s father and I were never married. For 8 years we lived approximately 3 miles apart and he would see her when it was convenient and took her on weekends when his mother did not have plans…now that we have moved 2 hours away he actually sees her more now (every other weekend). Lately, my daughter has expressed that she is very unhappy going to grandma’s every other weekend. Her behavior in school and at home these past two weeks has definitely shown her unhappiness. She states that grandma is constantly criticizing her, her mannerisms and the clothes she wears (she is 9 years old). I have voiced this to her father on several occassions before this lastest blow up. She stated and wanted to stay home this weekend. She called and left her father a voice mail that she didn’t want to go to grandma’s. He got angry with her and me and threatened to take me to court for his visitation. We have no court order is place other than the CSE order. We initially (verbally) agreed to every other weekend and there was no holiday schedule. But upon reviewing the days he and his mother have had her. In 2006, I had her mother’s day and labor day. If we use the every other weekend, he will also have her Thanksgiving and Christmas. If her extra curricular activities fall on his weekend, she misses them because she is at grandma’s house. She missed out on the majority of her patches for brownies because of this. My question is…if we were never married, have no custody order in place even though my daughter has been with me all her life and I have been very liberal with his access to her over the past 9 years, can he threaten me and sue me for visitation? Another question I have is…Can I limit the time she spends with his mother. And if I can limit that time, can he in retaliation do the same with my parents who live out of state? She spends at least 4 weeks of summer vacation with them. Thank you for taking the time to read this and any insight you can give me is most appreciated. One last comment…he also has son (15 years old) that he does not have a father/son relationship and the mother constantly criticizes the boy too. When I asked him when he saw his son last…he couldn’t remember. Thank you…