Non custodial parents rights


#1

I realize a custodial parent can take children out of state and move, but what if non-custodial parent is up on child support payments, loves the children just as much or more… Custodial parent states that they want to move the children out of state so it will force the non-custodial parent to give up their rights because the kids would be with the custodial parent. In the event of that happening, is the non-custodial parent required to pay child support if they cannot even see the children? yes, there is an agreement and divorce that states the non custodial parent sees the children every other weekend, but if children are moved from the area, non-custodial parent will not be able to do that because of financial hardship and distance and a full time job. This is also being used as a weapon of control against the non-custodial parent. If something happens that the custodial parent is not pleased with regarding how non custodial parent does not respond to the custodial parent, then the non-custodial parent is continually being harrassed and threatened to have the parental rights taken away. Example: Asking for extra time with the children to take them somewhere, cannot have any type of converation with children and ask any questions in person or on the phone abouth things in their life and what food is prepared for them while with non-custodial parent.

Here are the concern of the non-custodial parent.
The non-custodial parent loves the children beyond words and does not want them used as a weapon or a pawn. The children are older. WThe concern is why is the custodial parent pushing so hard to wanting non-custodial parent termination rights ended.
The non-custodial parent wants to figure out how to get out of this mess and if possible, still see their children with peace and no retaliation from the custodial parent as in having “plans” on the weekend of the non-custodial parent visitation time.
The non-custodial parent also wants to know if "forced termination rights’ happen, are you still required to pay child support and not be able to even see your children? What in the name of God is a non-custodial parent supposed to do when they are up against a situation like this? Would it make it easier for the children for the non-custodial parent to terminate rights before being “forced to”? Why would a custodial parent want to “force parental rights” from the non-custodial parent when the non-custodial parent loves the children, always on time with child support payments, always willing to help out custodial parent whenever asked and keeps children when custodial parent is out of town. Please, please help me…


#2

You can always file a motion for custody, since the custodial parent is leaving the state. I would think that that would qualify as a significant change in circumstances which would permit such a motion to go to a hearing.

But, yes, even if the children are moved out of state, you would still be liable for child support. Custody and support are two different things in the eyes of the law.

FWIW, you should be documenting every single time the custodial parent has planned another activity during your custodial time, any refusals of visitation, any refusals of phone contact during reasonable hours, and any threats to remove the children.

Do not give up on your kids, and do not let this person bully you into not being able to see them. It is true that older kids want their own lives and are busy with their friends and such, but that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t spend time with a parent, custodial or no.

NOT AN ATTORNEY


#3

I am NOT an Attorney but I have lived this.

It sounds as if you are a third party in this a friend of the NCP?

I will tell you this, moving out of state is not the “end” of your parenting, there are many visitation orders where children live in a different state then the NCP.

I will say this much, if you allow her to move (yes she needs to petition the court to do so and have permission to leave the state) please make sure you have a REALLY good order in place. It should cover key points like, who pays for travel, do not just list visitation as “spring break” or the “month of July” be specific, ie: visitation begins the day after school commences for Spring break with return 24 hours to the start of school the day school is back on session. Or Visitation is to begin July 1st and end July 31st.
Make sure you get your time with your kids, first and foremost you deserve it and secondly you will find that the kids will need that break and time to bond with you. Do NOT be railroaded by and out of state move and the first time the CP walks on your rights like not sending one for your visitation file for contempt. Dont give up on your kids, you legally do not have to YOU too are their parent!


#4

He could file an action for emergency custody to have the children kept in NC. If she is leaving the state with the children with the intention to reside elsewhere an emergency order will likely be granted to keep the children here until a full hearing on the merits can be had.

In my experience, unless the other parent consents, it is difficult to convince a court to allow a relocation with the children out-of-state as it is presumably in their best interests to remain close to each of their parents. I agree with someone else’s suggestion that he should keep track of all attempts to see/talk to his children that are rejected.


#5

What if the custodial parent does not tell the non-custodial parent they are leaving the state?


#6

Once again NOT AN ATTORNEY but my understanding is that you can file for an emergency order even after the custodial parent has left with the children, forcing them to return until the courts have settled the matter.


#7

You would file for emergency custody, and the other parent and the child can be forced to return to the state.


#8

How do you also combat the custodial parent bullying tactics thru text, person, telephone calls without damaging contact with your children? Also, to avoid any type of conflict that could escalate and it be turned around that you are at fault. Is no response the best way to do this? It is hard when you are told non-stop that you are not a good parent and you do not even deserve to see your kids. I just want this to stop and have tried to just “ignore” but the situation is not getting better when calling, texting and having to speak to the custodial parent is the only way to have contact with your children. I dont want to have to go to court over this…Do I just need to get a thicker skin? The children have no idea how the custodial parent is treating me.


#9

If you feel like you are being threatened or bullied and that it is something you must endure to see/talk to your children, then you should probably file for custody, especially in light of your concern of her taking the children out of state. I’m not sure what to tell you about keeping it out of court, unless she is willing to sign a custody Consent Order. You can also file a harassment claim, but that is also something that will be in court.


#10

I think you are seeking more personal advice more then legal. Do you and my husband share the same ex cause it kinda sounds like you do.

Try this websight
http://www.thepsychoexwife.com/borderline-personality-disorder/

Read the portion on low/no contact. It works I use it with my ex.

Really if you simply have a court order that spells everything out EVERYTHING, your contact with the ex should be minimal at best.


#11

I can tell you what we’ve done.

1.) The children both have their own phones. We contact them directly.

2.) If something must be communicated with “She Who Must Not Be Named,” it is a conversation through email or text. All emails and texts are archived (on our phones, we can send txts to email pretty easily).

3.) When she gets nutty, she likes to call up to yell at people. Early on we simply would calmly tell her through the yelling that we would hang up immediately if she didn’t regain control of herself and behave in an appropriate manner over the phone. Then we’d hang up, and no matter how many times she called, if she started yelling, she’d get hung up on or we’d let it go to voicemail. Which brings me to the third item…

4.) We got a new set of phones that emails all the voicemails to our phones, then we can forward those voicemail emails to the master account at the house. We’ve had to find some freeware to translate the native recording format to the more ubiquitous mp3 format which will allow us to bring these into court rather easily.

My other 2 cents based upon my experiences:

I will say this though, if your ex is borderline, then it doesn’t matter if you have a court order or not, the stuff never stops. Simply put, they’d rather have some attention than no attention at all, and they want to have control. What does seem to work best is setting boundaries and treating the relationship like a business partnership. These people are basically bullies and like any bully, they will pursue the weakest target in order to make themselves feel better about themselves. The trick is to not be the weakest link. Not to show anger or hurt, but to become a brick wall…cold and painful to punch.

Think of it this way…children mimic their parents’ behavior patterns. They need more of your input to counterbalance the influence of the abusiveness of your ex. At face value it may seem logical to walk on eggshells and not rock the boat in order to prevent your children from seeing the conflict, however, it isn’t in the children’s long-term best interests as they form impressions about the male/female parental roles. Do you want your children to have similar relationships as the one you and your ex did (do)?


#12

[quote=“athos”]I can tell you what we’ve done.

1.) The children both have their own phones. We contact them directly.

2.) If something must be communicated with “She Who Must Not Be Named,” it is a conversation through email or text. All emails and texts are archived (on our phones, we can send txts to email pretty easily).

3.) When she gets nutty, she likes to call up to yell at people. Early on we simply would calmly tell her through the yelling that we would hang up immediately if she didn’t regain control of herself and behave in an appropriate manner over the phone. Then we’d hang up, and no matter how many times she called, if she started yelling, she’d get hung up on or we’d let it go to voicemail. Which brings me to the third item…

4.) We got a new set of phones that emails all the voicemails to our phones, then we can forward those voicemail emails to the master account at the house. We’ve had to find some freeware to translate the native recording format to the more ubiquitous mp3 format which will allow us to bring these into court rather easily.

My other 2 cents based upon my experiences:

I will say this though, if your ex is borderline, then it doesn’t matter if you have a court order or not, the stuff never stops. Simply put, they’d rather have some attention than no attention at all, and they want to have control. What does seem to work best is setting boundaries and treating the relationship like a business partnership. These people are basically bullies and like any bully, they will pursue the weakest target in order to make themselves feel better about themselves. The trick is to not be the weakest link. Not to show anger or hurt, but to become a brick wall…cold and painful to punch.

Think of it this way…children mimic their parents’ behavior patterns. They need more of your input to counterbalance the influence of the abusiveness of your ex. At face value it may seem logical to walk on eggshells and not rock the boat in order to prevent your children from seeing the conflict, however, it isn’t in the children’s long-term best interests as they form impressions about the male/female parental roles. Do you want your children to have similar relationships as the one you and your ex did (do)?[/quote]

Thank you…the ex spouse makes sure that you have to go through them for contact.


#13

[quote=“athos”]I can tell you what we’ve done.

1.) The children both have their own phones. We contact them directly.

2.) If something must be communicated with “She Who Must Not Be Named,” it is a conversation through email or text. All emails and texts are archived (on our phones, we can send txts to email pretty easily).

3.) When she gets nutty, she likes to call up to yell at people. Early on we simply would calmly tell her through the yelling that we would hang up immediately if she didn’t regain control of herself and behave in an appropriate manner over the phone. Then we’d hang up, and no matter how many times she called, if she started yelling, she’d get hung up on or we’d let it go to voicemail. Which brings me to the third item…

4.) We got a new set of phones that emails all the voicemails to our phones, then we can forward those voicemail emails to the master account at the house. We’ve had to find some freeware to translate the native recording format to the more ubiquitous mp3 format which will allow us to bring these into court rather easily.

My other 2 cents based upon my experiences:

I will say this though, if your ex is borderline, then it doesn’t matter if you have a court order or not, the stuff never stops. Simply put, they’d rather have some attention than no attention at all, and they want to have control. What does seem to work best is setting boundaries and treating the relationship like a business partnership. These people are basically bullies and like any bully, they will pursue the weakest target in order to make themselves feel better about themselves. The trick is to not be the weakest link. Not to show anger or hurt, but to become a brick wall…cold and painful to punch.

Think of it this way…children mimic their parents’ behavior patterns. They need more of your input to counterbalance the influence of the abusiveness of your ex. At face value it may seem logical to walk on eggshells and not rock the boat in order to prevent your children from seeing the conflict, however, it isn’t in the children’s long-term best interests as they form impressions about the male/female parental roles. Do you want your children to have similar relationships as the one you and your ex did (do)?[/quote]

Thank you…the ex spouse makes sure that you have to go through them for contact.


#14

I am on the other side of this equation. My fiance and I are in different states now due to a custody battle for a small child. He has primary temporary custody, and has had the child for the 1st year of life, alone. The mother never wanted or had an interest in this child until she learned of me. At this point the courts will only order short, supervised visits because of her history. She has never paid a dime for the welfare of the child. She has actually filed taxes claiming the child last year, and using the return to hire a lawyer.

She has managed to keep both in a state where there is no income, and my fiance has to postpone his education here, which he has already begun.She has managed to draw out court to be rather extensive, through lies and manipulation to the court. Her lawyer withdrew from the case following some of these surfacing with proof (which are criminal). What is on her side is time. She is able to keep postponing so that the child stays in the state. What is sad is that we offered her more visitation than the 8 hours of supervised and she refused.

These battles go both ways. We do have a great lawyer. However, being on the other side of the equation is just as exhausting. It makes me dislike my home state quite a bit!