Opinions/Facts please


#1

ok, let’s look at this situation from another angle. I’m the ex husband who (I assume) is paying my ex child support for my children. Let’s say it is as low as $800/month for the 2 children or $200/week. The child support money is supposed to be used for the support of the children, i.e. food, shelter, clothing etc. I agree to keep my children additional time - 2 weeks - . Their home at mom’s, a portion of the utilities at the other home will still have to be paid even if they are at my house but I will be paying for their food, gas to drive them places, entertainment etc.
It seems fair to me if the ex husband asks for some money - say $200 towards expenses for the children while his ex is off on her honeymoon. If the ex wasn’t in the picture who would be taking care of the children? Babysitter? Grandparents? Surely she’d have to pay someone something? Of course she could always take them with her on her honeymoon…


#2

I guess there is always another side to the coin. I guess I see it as rediculous because I would never ask for money. I would be grateful to have my kids the extra time, even if we ate hamburger helper and ramen noodles each night. 2 weeks of food for 2 small kids does not equal the $300.00 he’s asking she send. I suggested that she go to the grocery and buy the groceries herself and send them with the children.

She has a mother in town also. She was going to ask her to keep the kids instead, but thought the Dad would enjoy extra time. Her Mom would not ask for money.


#3

I can see both sides of this also. I agree that as a parent he shouldn’t ask for money but he may be bitter about her getting remarried, even if the separation and divorce were his choice. He may see this as a way to make her life more difficult. She could ask her mother to watch the children during the week and let the children keep their regular schedule with their father…that may change his tune. If you always approach the situation with the ex as if your proposal is the best scenario to benefit the children then it’s likely to go over a little easier…


#4

The basis to his bitterness (from my opinion-based on emails she and her fiance have shown me) is the fact that he thinks he pays too much child support as it is. My friend has told her ex many times that if he feels that way, then move to modify. He has the right to do that and she wouldn’t fight it. It’s court ordered, so it would have to go through the court again…and he doesn’t want to do that.

Now that she is getting married, he sees the new husband as adding to her household income—thus making child support seem like a ‘cash cow’ for her (she’s actually putting a LARGE part of that money into a college fund). He has also remarried so it’s not like his household income is that of a single.

So-he’s mad because of his current payment situation, yet doesn’t take steps to modify. Then gets mad at HER (sending hateful emails). Doesn’t make sense at all.


#5

The basis to his bitterness (from my opinion-based on emails she and her fiance have shown me) is the fact that he thinks he pays too much child support as it is. My friend has told her ex many times that if he feels that way, then move to modify. He has the right to do that and she wouldn’t fight it. It’s court ordered, so it would have to go through the court again…and he doesn’t want to do that.

Now that she is getting married, he sees the new husband as adding to her household income—thus making child support seem like a ‘cash cow’ for her (she’s actually putting a LARGE part of that money into a college fund). He has also remarried so it’s not like his household income is that of a single.

So-he’s mad because of his current payment situation, yet doesn’t take steps to modify. Then gets mad at HER (sending hateful emails). Doesn’t make sense at all.


#6

You are probably able to see both sides of this also…
Has she asked him how much he thinks he should be paying? If you had a choice, being honest, fair and realistic about it, how much would you choose to pay in child support?

My suggestion is still to have her mother watch the children and then if he is upset over that she can discuss it with him. If he wants the extra time, he should take it. He can’t force her to pay him. But this shows you what kind of parents are out there…
EDIT: If she did not agree to pay him, would he not feed the children for two weeks or just not watch them for her? Have the children expressed any preference (if they are old enough)? Hopefully, they do not know that their father is this petty…

She should tell him that if he’s not going to do anything to change the situation that is making him sooo unhappy then he should quit fussing at her about it. Tell him she’s tired of hearing it and quit listening to it. Hang on to the e-mails, don’t respond except to say it’s not her problem or find out if he’s ready to file modification. Those are his children and regardless of whether she’s married, single or selling herself on E-Bay, his responsibility is to them. Not her. Eventually he will either accept it and quit fussing or do something to change it.


#7

I agree with you totally.

His original support set-up was by NC guidelines. But it’s been 4 years and he won’t take the measures to re-adjust. I don’t know why. She thinks it’s because he is afraid it will go up because he’s making much more money.

It’s like voting. If you don’t vote, you have no room to gripe.
If you don’t modify-then don’t gripe about the amount.

I pay per NC guidelines. My kids are teenagers. I have no problem with it.


#8

if he is griping about the amount and doesn’t modify, I agree, it’s his problem, not the ex-wife’s. They could always come up w/ a mutually agreed upon amount and do a consent order.
I still think that giving her ex a sum of money should not be that big of a deal. If as you say, she is putting most of that money in a college fund then why not just give him $200 or $300 - sounds like she is saying “I don’t really need it but I’m not going to refuse it.” Yet if he says he needs some extra money to cover expenses while she is on vacation she thinks he’s a jerk?
If my mom were watching 2 kids for 2 weeks I’d give her something, even if she didn’t ask, to cover extra groceries and gasoline, movies, and something in case of emergencies etc.
Dad should have the right of first refusal to watch the kids.


#9

true…first right to refusal.

As far as putting the extra money into a college fund…he has already said that once the kids turn 18, he’s through. NO help toward college. So this is how shes trying to save to pay for 2 kids. There is no agreement stating he has to help. So it all falls on her and whatever financial aid she can get.

I see both sides. I just thought 300.00 was a bit excessive for a 6 year old and an 8 year old for 3 hours a day for 2 weeks plus weekends.

He’s a jerk in general. Always has been. Long story of examples. Just my opinion.


#10

This is just what I have gone through with the courts.

If it is not in the custody agreement that money is paid back to the father while he has the children then no she doesn’t pay him any monies.

Children are not based on money, they are all about love. Both parent had a part in making them. both parents should take care of them. Just because he pays support doesn’t mean he gets it back when he has them. The support is added up with both parents supporting them. If she feels that the children will need alittle extra money for fun then she should hand it over to the children like i do. When they are off with their father i give them money not him.

Just a thought to throw out there.


#11

No he can’t make her pay it and yes it probably is petty of him to ask. However, if she was leaving them with a stranger she wouldn’t think twice about leaving money to care for the children. Hopefully they can both reach a reasonable compromise on this issue.

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#12

I have a friend who is divorced. She is getting ready to get remarried and will be taking a 2 week honeymoon. Her ex-husband lives 2 miles from her home. She has asked him if he would keep the children while she is gone. He says sure, but she would have to send money with them to pay for their meals and other expendables (entertainment and whatnot) since he’s keeping them ‘for her’ on ‘her time’. He currently has every other weekend (by his choice) for visitation.

Is this just stupid or is it what is expected via a separation agreement? They’re is nothing stated anywhere that she would have to provide money for ‘off days’. Can he MAKE her pay it? I guess he could refuse to keep the kids, but what a a-hole if he did. [:(!]