Stepmother and child support


The explaination I used is very simplified. Your ex sounds like he is misusing the system to his advantage. Yes, paying for half of ALL extra expenses is extreme and if it were me, since fundraiser brownies are not an extracurricular activity, I would take the ex back to court and have documentation of this very petty money making scheme he has going. I understand that money is an issue, but from the sound of it, you can’t afford NOT to have this looked at. I see extracurricular activities as being sports that the child is involved in, uniforms for that. Piano lessons, things of that nature. It is not required by law that you contribute to a fundraiser so I am not sure how he could force you to pay for a contribution that he made…I would suggest getting a different attorney.
Child support is supposed to cover the necessities for a child. The guidelines gives you an amount based on what the parents make and other obligations or payments (insurance, day care). When the payment is made then that is the non custodial parents share of supporting that child. The custodial parent is responsible for the remaining amount. It’s not a set amount across the board for all parents, it’s a set amount monthly average for your child/children. Depending on the wording used in your order, your ex may be having you pay more than is really necessary.
Have you tried to run the calculator to see if what he is paying you is correct, since you know what his income is? It seems as though since he’s paying you child support that any extras he chooses to pay for would be on his dime with no reimbursement.
My situation is this. My husband pays $500 per month to his ex for child support, $250 per child. The actual amount running the calculator is $486.24. So he pays a little extra per their agreement and court order. This should cover the sitter, food and lunch money, along with any extras like school supplies every month. I know that it does not take this amount to support the children some months and that money actually goes to her mortgage payment. She picks them up from school 2 days out of each week, even our week so that she will not have to pay the sitter for those two days. In the summer, the $500 should cover for the sitter to watch them all week, but instead, she keeps them two days because she can’t afford to pay for all 5 days. Since she spends all of the child support money at the first of the month, everything for the rest of that month has to come out of her pocket. I’m not saying this is your scenario but hopefully you can see why my husband is not obligated to pay for anything more. He does, but he’s not legally bound to do so.
The ideal situation is that the amount that is shown to be obligation on the child support calculation be put into an account. Both parents contribute their share to that account. When ANYTHING is needed for the child/children the amount is drawn from that account. That way, what the money is used for would be shown to go strictly for the children and both parents would see that they are both contributing.
E-mail me if you want to…


So you’re upset because your ex is making sure you abide by the court order ruling? I think thats good, so if you think its not right them why don’t you deny the support and have him take care of his kids without force, normally most good fathers will take better care of their children when they are not forced.But mostly the money is about the ex trying to get paid.


Something that you could think about…hopefully, your ex will eventually realize that you and he must raise your child together separately. If you share custody then you obviously were able to communicate with your ex enough. Joint custody does not work with parents who do not cooperate or communicate. You should think about being the “bigger person” and sitting down with your ex to come up with a game plan so to speak, instead of him using your child to get back at you for whatever happened during your marriage. It sounds to me as though he’s demanded payment and you haven’t questioned the validity of the cost because he’s just told you that you have to pay half or go to jail. I may be wrong…
Since you share custody, normally you have an equal say in ALL activities of the child. There may be something in the wording of your order…but I just don’t see a court order reading that you share custody but have no say in activities, unless this was something drawn up by an attorney and agreed to and became a court order from there. That would in effect negate your custody status if you are not involved in making decisions about your child, meaning that your ex has primary custody. Unless, your order states that physical custody is shared while legal custody is the sole responsibility of your ex. Otherwise, you have every right to be involved in any decision that involves your child and your money…and your ex has that right also.


To add to what Stepmother was saying, If you both have joint custody someone has to have tie breaking athority or what ever is being question does not happen if you both can’t agree.


From the way you “explained” child support. It cost 100 to support a child. The split is 30/70. The ex pays me 70% and I supply 30%. Therefore, the total cost of supporting a child is all out of my pocket. The ex has paid me “his” share. He’s done. Therefore, the 5% of his income that goes for child support (that’s all I get from him) makes me totally responsible for 100% of the cost of raising that child. Never mind that the Court has ordered me to pay 50% for any and every conceivable “extra” and 50% of every expense my ex incurs because I receive child support!!! What I am ending up doing is being an indentured servant to my ex and simply returning the child support to him…and then some. I have to pay my bills and 50% of all the ridiculous expenses he racks up for my child! His income is over 4x mine! The Court “ordered” me to pay 50% of all extracurricular activities, etc. etc. The ex gets it down to the penny…including charging me 3.00 for brownies he bought for a scout fundraiser! It’s preposterous! He’s nickel and diming me to death when he has over $20,000 CASH dollars a month more than me! And if I don’t pay, the rich ex thinks nothing of paying his lawyer 2 or 3 thousand to have the judge punish me even more. I was going to be arrested and put in jail over 483.00!! I’m sorry for the guy who is paying 1400.00 and can’t afford it! I don’t get much more than that from this filthy rich person! And you can bet that I did not live in the marriage like I am having to live now! I can be all right on what I have, but not when the ex can afford outrageous things and then I have to pay half! I can’t live the extravagant life he can. He purposely does these things knowing that I cannot afford them. It’s a good deal for him. He only pays 50% and I have no say so whatsoever! It’s written in the ORDER…whether I agree or not…I’m ordered to pay these things! Seems to me a child should be entitled to live the lifestyle of the wealthier parent and not make the lower income parent suffer trying to keep up when it cannot be done!!! No way can I afford for my son to live the life of wealth! Only one parent is wealthy in this case! And it ain’t me!! The ex retained over 90% of his income!!! And got an unequal division of property in HIS FAVOR! My sorry lawyer got my share of the property! And I received NO attorney fees!