Proving Condonation (Alienation of Affection)


Reading through some of the other questions asked and don’t feel like my situation has an answer, so I’m going to just ask.

Met a guy about 6 months ago. We hit it off, I found out he was married, however, his wife requested him to go out and date since she had initiated an open marriage. She was/is seeing someone and had been for at least 3-4 months prior (though the guy I dated believes that they had been talking for much longer). It is what kickstarted the open marriage (in so little words, she was texting this other guy and was planning on leaving her husband/my boyfriend about 4 months prior to us [bf and me] meeting saying that she didn’t think she could honor their vows any longer and wanted to leave before she hurt him [this was a verbal conversation]). My bf isn’t an open marriage type, so when we met and hit it off, it quickly became apparent that the open marriage was a ruse to just stay together, file taxes together, and pool money together while they saw one another. They haven’t had sex in years at this point. They were bonafide roommates.

A couple months pass and she’s still cool with us hanging out. At this point, she says she wants to meet me. I politely decline through him.

A couple weeks later, during an argument between them two, she insists on meeting me. I say something like, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He relays the message to her.

At this point (3 months ago or so), they were still living together, and multiple times a week he would see me and she would see her bf. Feelings between us were growing, and we realized that we want something longer term. He went home and they talked about it. She told him that I’ve manipulated him and demanded to see me. I agreed (through him) under one condition: we don’t go in comparing or ‘sizing one another up.’ She said that it was the whole point of meeting, and he told her that I would not meet her then.

The following month, they got in a huge fight. The word “divorce” came up. She threatens me (through him) that she’s going to ruin my life, tell my employer, tell my whole family, etc. that I’m a homewrecker, etc. She also threatens that “it’s not a matter of if we meet, it’s a matter of when,” to me through him.

I tell him that I can’t trust what she’s going to do next so we agree to stop talking. The following day, she kicks him out of the house. He’s effectively homeless. I helped him find a place where he is currently staying. Her mother got her a lawyer (at the time, she had quit her job to work as an Etsy crafter because working was too stressful, and he was paying for everything; she has since gotten her job in food service back, however, he continues to pay all of her bills–mortgage and utilities). She initiates the separation agreement.

They’re now in the third round of revisions on the agreement, and he has put into it the Third Party Waiver to protect me. She has agreed to everything else but this, and she says that she won’t sign it until she meets me.

I feel like, at this point, it’s harassment. Is it legal harassment? She had agreed to us seeing one another (and still has no problem with it, she says) to the point that she helped him get ready for our first date.

Anyway, my question is, how can I prove condonation? Does she have a legal foot to stand on? He has proof that she knew about our relationship (and was in one herself that he agreed to) and was okay with it (i.e. text messages where he tells her he’s going to my place and her saying, “Okay, have fun!” and vice versa).

Thanks in advance!


This is likely not harassment as defined by the North Carolina criminal or domestic violence statutes.

It’s possible that she could be viewed as having condoned her husband’s relationship with you given that she encouraged him to see other people, knew about his relationship with you, and chose not to initiate a separation, litigation, or otherwise negotiate the dissolve of the marriage.

Check out our detailed article Infidelity and Alienation of Affection for more information on this topic.

Anna Ayscue

Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest

Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here

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