Regarding Dating While Separated


Ok, this is a little bit dicey so I need to figure out where my legal foot lies.

STBX and I separated 11/17. He had an affair and I had an affair during the marriage. Both admitted. Entered into custody and child support on 12/2 with NO CLAUSE at all regarding keeping children away from “romantic interests”. I had previously ceased seeing my paramour but we are now dating since I am now separated and the girls are absolutely CRAZY about him. I was informed by several attorneys that living separate and apart allows me the freedom to date. He does NOT stay overnight when the girls are there but they do spend time with him.

The STBX is trying to go to his attorney and say that he is a danger (no, he’s not – doesn’t drink, no drugs, etc.) and that the children shouldn’t be around him. We have gone to church together (something the STBX has forbidden the girls to do since they were born) and love spending time together. It’s the first time in a long time that they don’t feel stressed.

His attorney advised him to begin a lawsuit against my paramour. Sad to say but he honestly has NOTHING, has been unemployed for some time (GREAT difficulty finding work, though he’s been constantly looking). He is NOT living with us and as I said, does NOT stay overnight when the children are there. A lawsuit would net the STBX nothing.

The girls live with me and we have joint legal custody (which means he can WEIGH IN on decisions regarding school, medical and religion) but that does not give him the right to dictate whether I date or not and who I have around the girls … correct?


Yes, so long as this man is not a danger to the children he cannot prevent you from having him around.


I would also go so far as to say that if he tries an AOA lawsuit against your paramour/boyfriend, good luck with that…because if he was ALSO cheating, then that would indicate that your paramour did not cause the ‘lost love’ in your marriage…there were OBVIOUSLY already problems, so the AOA suit would likely get him nothing but a bunch of legal bills…

***I am not a lawyer…I just read a lot of what Erin has to say =) LOL


Even if he files an AoA suit, that in and of itself would not prohibit your boyfriend from spending time with you OR the girls. As Erin has said, he would have the burden of proving this guy was a serious threat to the kids, and unless he has a history of drug abuse, physical abuse, etc, then your STBX will have a hard time.

I also agree with the previous poster, that considering you both had a affairs it would be an easy defense that your affair ALONE was the SOLE cause of the downfall of your marriage.