Dating with no sa

I have been seperated since June 2010. I presented a seperation agreement to my STBX 2 weeks after leaving home but it was a no go. I began spending time with a female friend about a month after the seperation but not a sexual relationship. It was really more of a supporting friend that has been through a divorce herself. For the next 5 months I continued to allow my entire paycheck to be direct deposited into my and my STBX’s joint account. I did not take or use any of my money to support myself other than a one time transfer of only $650 which she gave me her blesssing on. During this time my female friend and I started dating and she stayed overnight at my house on occasion but still there has been no sexual contact. I cut off all contact with her for 1 month in September while going to counseling with my STBX to see if there was a chance of reconciliation. Obviously there was not and she immediately filed suit for child support, post seperation lump sum award and spousal support. A meeting was finally held in December where we agreed to my having the children every other weekend. Since October I have changed my direct deposit so that I receive my paycheck but I have paid her each month the proper amount per the NC Child Support Worksheet. Still no seperation agreement although she recently asked me (my attorney) to get one prepared (again) but now she still refuses to sign it. My income is less than $500 more than hers per month.

My Question: I would like to be able to openly date my friend but have received conflicting advise from my attorney and other attorneys in town. Where do I stand with that? Also, does my dating someone have any effect on the amount of child support or her ability to receive spousal support?

Also my STBX has been following me around town and spying on me while having the children with her which has proven to be detrimental to my relationship with the children. Is this type of conduct hurtful to her position in the proceedings?

Dating, while not illegal, certainly can make things more difficult between you and your ex. It will have no legal affect on support so long as the relationship did not begin until after you separated, but in my experience sometimes the emotional effect on your ex can be worse, and it may cause her to be less likely to agree to reasonable terms.
Her following you around town can be used to show she may be a bit unstable.