Request not to come to home vs DVPO

He has no reason to be at your home unless invited or given permission. If you have asked that he not come to your home for any reason then you have the right to contact the local police department any time he shows up uninvited. This is called domestic tresspassing and it can also show documentation of how often this happens.

I suggest that you make the request in writing so that you have backup to show that you have made this request. He is not allowed to stalk you because you had a personal relationship. Stalking is illegal regardless of the relationship between the parties.

The only thing about a no contact order is that it can sometimes add fuel to the fire so to speak and make matters worse. If you have to meet to “exchange” the children during visitations then a no contact order, while it sounds nice, would not work unless you continually had someone else drop off and pick up the children. My suggestion is to requests that the visitation drop offs and pick ups take place at the police station.

The best thing to do is to keep documentation of this and anything else.
I have a friend who has a camera outside and a monitor that shows his driveway so he knows anytime someone pulls up at his home…it’s a minimal cost for peace of mind and it’s legal.

Realistically though, contact with the ex is likely to become less after the divorce. Normally, during the separation year it’s more of an issue as everyone gets used to new “boundaries”. I suggest sending the request in writing. Be firm in the request that he respect your privacy as he has asked that you respect his.

I am sending it in writing tonight certified mail/return receipt. I amhoping that it will settle down, but because we have a son together I do not believe it will. Not with his constant need for control. I am trying my best to document - and I do have someone go with me during drop-off and pick-up because he always acts up if we are alone. I am trying to my best to limit his behaviors.

It is my full intent to call the police if he violates my request. I just do not trust him and some of the issues he has (PTSD and other such issues) so I am trying to protect myself and the kids. But his anger is towards me and not the boys.

No, it is not out of line that you request that he stay away from your home.

You are correct that you cannot seek a civil no contact order. You can go down to your local magistrate and report the harassment and ask them to pursue it on your behalf. If his behavior is causing you emotional distress or to fear for your safety then you can pursue a domestic violence protective order.

P.S. Please feel free to bring up this or any other topic on our live call-in show every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. EST. Visit for details

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.

I hope this is the last time I will have to post to here.

Okay, if the child custody paperwork is set-up to only have drop-off and pick-up occur at school/daycare or a mutually agreed upon public place would my soon-to-be-ex have any other legal reason to come to my home?

He has previously asked me to not come to what is his home now, was our marital home. I have not been there or in the neighborhood since Nov 07 when I picked up the last of mine and the children’s belongings.

This weekend an exchange of a check occurred of an IRS check and he left it between my screen door and front door. He asked that I’d send him something in writing that I received the check.

I sent the letter acknowledging receipt of the check and my understanding of the situation surrounding the check. In addition, I requested in the future that we complete transaction such as this in the same manner we do visitation drop-off/pick-up and use a mutually agreed upon public place or the mail system. I also reminded him in the letter I have respected his request to not go to his home and I am asking for the same in return. (He likes to drive by and generally invade any form of privacy I may have.) The letter was sent certified/return receipt.

I must add that I have read the cyber stalking and stalking laws for NC and his behavior over the last year has more than qualified as stalking (ex: sending me up to 30 text messages a month, some days he has sent as many as 16, rude/offensive/aggressive cell phone calls/texts/emails introduced by him, driving by my place of residence, leaving notes/his wedding ring/checks on my car windshield/my front door without making it known he is at my residence, breaking into my email/MySpace acct, demanding to know where I work/who my friends are/ who I am dating/ who my roommate is, accusing me of my roommate, a female, of being