My wife had an affair two years ago. After initially attempting to work it out, she decided to give up and move on with separation. Recently she came out as a lesbian. We have four minor children together.
She said at first that she wouldn’t be “parading women” around the kids, but after a recent disagreement, said that they’d be meeting her new girlfriend real soon. She then skated back on that statement and said she doesn’t have a girlfriend- she’s just talking to someone (whatever that means).
She said she’ll be moving out within two months and she had been talking with some divorced friends who advised her that the courts “don’t have to know” that it hasn’t been a full 12 months of separation and we can speed up the process. Tempting- but I feel funny about playing around with the law like that.
I know NC does the 50/50 default thing, but I believe I should be the primary custodian. I stepped down from a salaried position to allow her to receive all the promotions she’s received, plus even when I was the main breadwinner, I was the main parent doing the pick up/drop offs, appointments, parent/teacher meetings, church, etc. I provide more structure and order for my kids, while she tends to be more absorbed in her phone and texting whomever when she’s supposed to be watching them. Just today, my daughter called me at work to ask me about using the microwave, because her mom wouldn’t answer her (she was on the phone). Kids should have lunch by around 12ish, but there’s been several times I get off of work after 1, and found out that all they had were a bunch of snacks. In other words- she may not be abusive, a junkie, drunk, or the like, but she’s still not a good mom. Too many things go over her head as a parent that I nip in the bud as best I can.
She has openly contradicted me in front of the kids, and they know that they can sneak and ask her for things that I’d likely say no to for reasons of trying to teach responsibility (rather than spoiling them).
I printed out a subpoena form to obtain copies of text messages (both cellphone lines including the one she uses is in my name) to see if I can get further evidence of her “talking to someone” as she put it. Other than that, I’m not really sure what other moves to make. I just want my kids to be secure.