Son's extracurricular activities during father's visitation

here is the story. my son has started 3 different extracurricular groups this year. There is a requirement of some of the groups for his attendance and various group functions like parades, football games, etc. These events can and have fallen on my visitation weekend. I get them (i have another son as well) every other friday night and drop them back off on sunday night at a location equal distance from my home and my ex’es. The one way distance from my home to my ex’s home is 170 miles. We meet half way per court order.

I don’t have any issue trading weekends when needed but feel that i am a very positive influence in both my son’s lives. I take them hiking, camping, etc and they really like those things. I feel they need me now more than ever as they both enter high school.

My concern is what happens if/when activities occur every weekend? Should i not get them? Get them and make them skip an activity? Going down to the activity which usually will fall on a saturday means no overnight with me, their dad, at my home. I feel this is wrong. i want them to have activities but not every one of my weekends.

Please give me any advise you can think of.

I don’t want to be “selfish” and make them visit with me when they have activities but i also want to be in their lives the full weekends i get them. As I said, i get them for only 60 nights a year and these activities will probably cut that in half.


First you should sit down and talk to your son since he is older and in high school. He is old enough to help you in what is going to work out for both of you.

I think your intentions are good. Is it possible to stay there at least one weekend or every other weekend? That way you can be involved in watching him play, meeting his coach and teammates and allow him to show you some of his favorite spots around town. This will also allow him to feel more confident with his friends, family and teachers because it shows that you are completely involved and interested in his day to day life.

I hope you can work it out.

seems that it doesn’t happen as much as i thought it might. He is involved in JROTC and other military type activities for youth. I support him as I think it helps him greatly as I did attend such events in my youth and it helped me alot.

For now we, me and the x, are working it out and switching weekends as things pop up.

thanks for your advice!

I would like to add in on other responses. You are in a tight spost because your children are growing up and their activities are going to slowly start to have presidence of visiting with you. Here is the ony thing that I can suggest. First, my comment is that children are always victoms when parents divorce no matter what their age. I suggest like the other poster that you talk to your teenagers and get their opinion. The weight of them having to miss out on their activities far out weighs the court order for them to miss their event and be with you. I suggest to try to work a flexable candendar to maximize your time. Believe me, I have three teens. I have missed out on so much but understand that do appreciate the sacrifice I make for their well being. Hope this helps. God Bless!!!