Visitation Schedule


#1

It sounds to me as though he’s trying to spend more time with his children…that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
We have figured out that my stepchildren are loyal to whoever they are with. We have them Monday through Sunday and then their mom has them the next week. On the way to school on Monday’s they have both stated that they don’t want to go to their mother’s, but she has told us that they say they don’t want to come to their dad’s.

Maybe your children don’t want to hurt your feelings or they may not want to leave you for the weekend but do you not think that they love their father and want to see him also?
Unless the child is in danger, they need both parents to be as much involved in their lives as they can be. It may be difficult for your ex to decide months ahead of time which weeks he wants to get the children. I would suggest that unless you want to argue over petty things or there is a scheduling conflict, enjoy the extra weekends you get for yourself during the summer months. If I understand this correctly he’s really only getting the children 6 extra days a year. That’s not going to change child support amount. If you share joint custody, you need to work together and pick your battles. That’s just my opinion though.
BUT - If you want to take this back to court and fight it out, then according to the order as you put it, no he can take his weeks when he chooses but he has to let you know which weeks that will be. He is to let you know which three weeks he will take his visitations at least two months prior to the first week, 3 months prior to the 2nd week and 4 months prior to the 3rd week. A week is 7 days including one weekend so your ex including your weekend in his visitations is against the order also.
Again, just my opinion, but it’s just doesn’t seem worth going back to court or even arguing over…


#2

Stepmother - Thanks for your advice! The only reason my ex is using my weekends as his visitation is NOT to spend extra time with my son. He is using that as revenge towards me! My ex is ONLY mad at me because I exposed his anger outbursts, him strangling me (before I left him), him beating my son in the face and lastly, embarrassing the family name. If it was his choice, he would rather NOT have anything to do with my son (He, nor his mommy, take care of my son when he is there). This is a case of revenge and nothing else. Him knowing that I have my son 95% of the time, he refuses to pay child support, his mommy pays for his child support. Nevertheless, I dont care where the child support comes from. The letter I received from him this morning was a threat towards me, “do it or else”, I will have you arrested. Like I said before, He does NOT want anything to do with his son, it is for revenge only.
Also…you mentioned maybe the child does want to go to his dad’s house but doesn’t want to break my heart. My child is only 4 yrs old, hardly old enough to know when he is breaking my heart and when he isn’t. Because of all the domestic violence we (my son and I) were involved in for 3 yrs, my son barely can even talk, hardly ever eats and shows some other symptoms of been thru a serious case of domestic violence. My son is currently on disability and a counselor told me that due to the DV, he possibly might even be mentally retarded because of it.
Once again, thanks for your advice. It was greatly appreciated!


#3

Hey Blondie, I can’t believe that the person that responded earlier said that it is not a bad thing that he wants to spend more time with child, after you stated he beat the child. How did the courts not terminate his parental rights?

A step-mom is usually going to side with the Dad because well she is the step mom.

I feel your pain and I wish you the best of luck. I think you are right, your ex is out for revenge.

Concerned Parent


#4

Uhm…blondie1976 did not mention in the original post that there was physical abuse. If he’s sending you threatening letters and is using your time with a history of abuse then by all means, take it back to court and fight it with everything you have. He’s not following the order, then he’s in the wrong. With A history of abuse, if I were you, I would have the joint custody looked at again also. Make sure you document everything and hang on to the letter.
Let him know he is not allowed the extra time according to your court order and make sure that he understands that you can and will have him arrested for contempt. What is he threatening to have you arrested for? If it’s not allowing him to have the children extra time, keep in mind that he’s trying to intimidate you into letting him get his way. Follow the order to the letter and there’s nothing to worry about. Let him send you more letters, it will only dig his whole deeper…
Concerned Parent - My advice about picking your battles and figuring out what is worth going back to court over…a lot of actual parents on this site will tell you much the same thing if asked. I believed in my original post I was siding with the children since the post was strictly about the custody and visitation arrangements. Had there been mention of abuse my answer may have been quite different. A father wanting to spend more time with his children is NOT a bad thing, but ANY parent using their child or children to hurt the other parent IS. There are a lot of stepparents on this site that care more about their step children than some of the actual parents do so please reserve your judgements for your own actions. what I posted my OPINION on was the original post.
Good luck and keep us posted.


#5

I don’t see how this site is for stepparents. This is the “Legal Issues” forum. I thought it was people who have real legal issues. I would prefer to only hear from attorneys if possible. You have not been very nice to any of my concerns and questions and I would prefer if you would not respond unless it is going to help. Thank you. The natual parents such as myself are going through enough heartache and emotions to have strangers with such harsh judgements.

quote:
[i]Originally posted by stepmother[/i] [br]Uhm...blondie1976 did not mention in the original post that there was physical abuse. If he's sending you threatening letters and is using your time with a history of abuse then by all means, take it back to court and fight it with everything you have. He's not following the order, then he's in the wrong. With A history of abuse, if I were you, I would have the joint custody looked at again also. Make sure you document everything and hang on to the letter. Let him know he is not allowed the extra time according to your court order and make sure that he understands that you can and will have him arrested for contempt. What is he threatening to have you arrested for? If it's not allowing him to have the children extra time, keep in mind that he's trying to intimidate you into letting him get his way. Follow the order to the letter and there's nothing to worry about. Let him send you more letters, it will only dig his whole deeper.... Concerned Parent - My advice about picking your battles and figuring out what is worth going back to court over...a lot of actual parents on this site will tell you much the same thing if asked. I believed in my original post I was siding with the children since the post was strictly about the custody and visitation arrangements. Had there been mention of abuse my answer may have been quite different. A father wanting to spend more time with his children is NOT a bad thing, but ANY parent using their child or children to hurt the other parent IS. There are a lot of stepparents on this site that care more about their step children than some of the actual parents do so please reserve your judgements for your own actions. what I posted my OPINION on was the original post. Good luck and keep us posted.

Concerned Parent


#6

Dear blondie1976:

Greetings. What is the question?

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#7

The question is according to the statement of what the court order states, does he get to have any week he chooses too, even if it is my scheduled weekend to have him? The court order does not say yes he can have him any weekend he chooses or no he can not take my weekends away from me.

Thanks Blondie

quote:
[i]Originally posted by blondie1976[/i] [br]My ex and I share joint custody. He gets my son every other weekend during the school year and then 1 week in June, 1 wk in July, 1 wk in August. The court order states word for word, "One week in June, one week in July, and one week in August. The plaintiff (my ex) must give the defendant (me) notice of his desired weeks in those months by April 1 of each year." What my ex has done is he using my weekends when I am supposed to have my son as part of his weeks. The court order does not say one or another, but according to the above statement, does he get to have him any week that he chooses too? He starts his week on my weekend to have my son and goes straight through his weekend to have him. In the end, my son spends 3 weekends in a row with my ex and I only get him 1 weekend out of each month(s). My son has got to where he hates going to his dad's house, but by the court order, I am forced to send my son there. My 4 yr old son begs me every other weekend, not to send him there, but I have no choice.

#8

Dear blondie1976:

Greetings. If the order/agreement says that he gets a week and does not specify which week, then he gets to choose and take whichever time he wants. Hope that helps.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#9

This site should be for all PARENTS- step, natural, adoptive, etc. I am and a natural parent as well as a step-parent of 2 kids whose mother’s rights were taken away by the court for being a drug junkie. She then died years later and my husband and I are in and out of court with her mother every year (grandma has visitation.) Grandma wants our kids to call her mom and has repeatedly been a bad influence on them. I would have never in my life thought that the courts would constantly put up with her accusations that my husband doesn’t let her talk with tham enough on the phone, etc. (we just got back from court last week, again!) Anyway, my point is, some of you should be happy there are step-parents who love and take care of your kids instead of treating like a red-headed step-child.

emi


#10

Unfortunately many of these legal issues, especially those involving custody, are as important for step-parents as they are for parents. It does “take a village” to raise a child and in our case it involves mom (ex-wife), dad, step-mom, grandmother and older siblings. Many times you will see on this forum the new/2nd/wife or husband writing with legal questions because they are trying to help resolve issues and make life better - usually for the kids.


#11

My ex and I share joint custody. He gets my son every other weekend during the school year and then 1 week in June, 1 wk in July, 1 wk in August.
The court order states word for word, “One week in June, one week in July, and one week in August. The plaintiff (my ex) must give the defendant (me) notice of his desired weeks in those months by April 1 of each year.” What my ex has done is he using my weekends when I am supposed to have my son as part of his weeks. The court order does not say one or another, but according to the above statement, does he get to have him any week that he chooses too? He starts his week on my weekend to have my son and goes straight through his weekend to have him. In the end, my son spends 3 weekends in a row with my ex and I only get him 1 weekend out of each month(s).
My son has got to where he hates going to his dad’s house, but by the court order, I am forced to send my son there. My 4 yr old son begs me every other weekend, not to send him there, but I have no choice.