STBX and I separated three weeks ago after her parents verbally assaulted me in the church parking lot. The next day she filed and was granted an ex-parte 50-B claiming I had physically abused her and our children (Boy 6, Girl 3). At the hearing, she showed up with her parents and an attorney. They were hard pressed for no visitation, then when the judge indicated he was going to allow visitation, they wanted supervised. The judge granted temp unsupervised visitation every Tuesday and every other weekend until custody/visitation can be heard. He also dismissed all of her claims of abuse against the children. He ordered both of us to attend parenting classes. I filed a custody/visitation action during the week between her ex-parte order and the actual hearing. The judge also ordered no contact except to coordinate kid exchange by phone or email.
My wife has a history, documented by paper and voicemails of threatening police action and then threatening to contact my employer to embarrass me. In our 9 years of marriage she has ALWAYS been the agressor in every arguement. She has hit me, tried to run over me with a car, withheld the children from me and concealed there whereabouts (in a previous separation.) I have always taken her back, only for her to abuse me more. Ironically, she accused me of domestic violence.
During the first weekend visitation she called my phone the first night wanting to tell the kids goodnight and the first morning to tell them good morning. I let the calls go to my voicemail because of the no-contact order from the judge. She was served the custody/visitation action on the Sunday that I returned the kids. I also had a uniformed police officer present at the exchange to act as a calming effect, given her history of using exchanges as an opportunity to harrass me. Her facial expression was visibly agitated that a policeman was present.
At the next weeknight visitation my son told me he had gone to the hospital the night I sent them back. I asked him why and he was very embarrased about it. I didn’t push the issue with him.
Earlier that day her attorney called me to ask if his client could contact the children twice a day while they were with me to tell them goodnight and good morning. I told him that we had already spoken with the case worker from Youth and Family Services and she had suggested we let the children take the lead regarding contact and that neither parent should force or deny the issue, but that I would consider her request and respond to him in writing.
The next day I faxed him a polite letter along with a copy of the email from our case worker and said that I thought it best to follow her recommendations. I also asked him to ask his client NOT contact me during visitation with the children unless it was a reasonable family emergency.
I also informed him that I had become aware that our son had been taken to the emergency room and I was concerned that she hadn’t contacted me to let me know she was taking him to the Emergency Department. I asked him to have her foward me the information related to the visit (ie reasons, symptoms, Drs. seen, and any recommended treatment.) I also asked to be contacted anytime one of the children would be taken to the emergency room and that I would do the same while they were in my care. When 36 hours passed with no reply from him, I contacted the hospital records department and showed them a copy of our court order that said each parent was to remain informed about school and medical issues and they gave me a copy of his emergency room visit records.
It turns out that her and her mother had taken him to the hospital to allege I had sexually abused our son (no wonder he was embarrassed). The records clearly stated that after they interviewed our son privately that “Possible conflicting story from original presentation to triage” was evident. Note this was the same day she had been served court papers, gone for two days without any contact with our children.
My STBX has a history of anxiety and depression that was successfully treated with medication. She has refused to go get treatment again (mostly because her mother has told her NOT to go get treatment because I would use that against her.) She has also made statements to our children that Daddy has to live by himself because he is mean to us, and that Daddy stole stuff from us.
I don’t want to in anyway separate my wife from our children and just want equal visitation and custody. I do want my wife to get help, but only because my children need the best mother possible for them. Despite all my wife has done to me and our children, lied in court, and been downright malicious, I just want us to figure out how to move on and cooperate to help our kids. But if my wife refuses to get help, I want to protect our children until she does.
I have been keeping a journal of my time with the kids, what they have been telling me and been taking lots of video (I want my children to know that they were happy back when all this was going on despite what their mother may tell them.) If my kids are telling ME this, I can only imagine what they are telling other adults in their lives (School, church, friends’ parents, etc.)
I have been very very intentional in observing all of the judges order’s related to the 50-B. I just want to be able to move on and be the best for our kids.
I need help.
How can I do this?