Step Mom with Husband having Physical Custody...What to do?

My husband and I have been married since 2005. He received custody of his two children in 2009 from his X. She was in a live in bad relationship and chose the boyfriend over the children. Well…the children and I are VERY close. I have been in there lives for a long time. Until the past year she never attended any of their games or school functions, teacher meeting etc. I was the one that had to take them around and do everything with them along with my husband. Within the past year and half her b/f kicked her out of his home and now she lives close by us with her parents. She now wants to do everything with the kids (that is, what’s convenient for her) She doesn’t want me attending any special events in the children’s lives now basically I guess bc she back in the picture. But the children and I are very close, we have been in each other’s lives for the past 10 year’s almost. I know they want me involved but as she sees it she is their MOTHER and my husband is their FATHER even though, I’m the one that washes their uniforms and takes them to practice, goes to their games, cooks them dinner 75% of the time b/c I have no choice…my husband has custody of them. I find it hard because she doesn’t want to include me in anything and alway’s has something to say about me being involved BUT it was because of HER that we have custody of them and that’s why they are with me so much…it was not my choice it was her’s. I love these kids like my own, which my husband and I also have 2 children together. I do not want to step on her toes as their mother BUT at the same token the children live with us 75% of the time, I am pretty much their mother when they are with us. Just need advice on what I should be involved in and not…can’t we all just do things together for the kids? My situation is different from most step moms b/c my husband does have custody so any information that anyone can offer on how to get along with the childrens mother and help define my role and what it should be now since she’s decided to come back into the picture and be mom of the year again, would be greatly appreciated!

As a step mom, I can relate. My husband and I also have custody of his daughter. Mom only comes around when its best for her ( been that way for a long time, even when she had custody). Therefore, my suggestion would be to talk with your husband and step-children and see how they feel on the situation. My step-daughter and I talk, as well as my husband, and if there is any event or activity that she would rather have just her mom go along, that is her decision. But if she says she wants me involved, oh well, mom will have to accept it. Her mom, when she does call, ALWAYS makes the comment that she is her mother. Well, we all know that and that doesnt change the fact that you are only her mom when it fits in the mom schedule and not my step-daughters life. Just let your step-children know that you love them and wants whats best for them, regardless of who it beside them, you or their mom or both of you. Best of luck!!

I am so tired of the loser moms who drop in on their children when it works for them and places them last in everything. I am sure she is doing all she can to push you away because you are showing her all the things she is NOT doing and what a pitiful waste of breath she is-who chooses a man over their kids!?!?

The dad holds all aces right now. He has full custody (did she terminate her rights or just not contest custody?) and I’d have him very clearly tell her that YOU are the mother figure they rely upon and while he is glad that she is taking an interest in her own children, it is harmful to them to have her being so dimissive of you and that you are the nurturer and provider of a mother figure and she has to either find a way to work with you respectfully or he will have to take legal action against her. She’ll know that no court will give her custody of a Kleenex box given her history, so she should step back and work better with you vs. losing everything legally.