Still hurting

I am sorry for what you are feeling. However, the Court, the law, does not care about the emotional side of divorce. To the Court, the lawyers, it’s just a matter of dividing property and time with the children. Adultery makes no difference in this day and time. You without money…they don’t care. Sorry to sound so hardhearted, but the fact of the matter is that divorce is an industry. If you don’t have the money, you cannot win. The color of justice is green. Lawyers aren’t going to mess with alienation of affection or adultery. It simply doesn’t matter. So, pick yourself up. Forget about your ex coming back. Maybe you’ll get enough to survive and do not listen to anything that your ex or his lawyer has to say. Don’t do anything so that your ex can get money. You are on your own now.

Based on what you said, it appears you may be able to file a claim for alienation of affection, but you may not receive any compensation as a result. Even though you were happy, your Husband may tell a very different story. I am sorry to hear you are having so much trouble working through this. I would encourage you to reach out to friend’s and family members to help you cope with what was obviously a devastating loss.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.

In the summer 2004, just mere months since my then-husband, John, and I separated, his girlfriend moved in with him. I had already been devastated by the ‘abrupt’ news that John needed some space. Her mother even lived with them for a short time.

Even then, however, I had hopes that we would get back together. After all, I was willing to possibly put it all behind me and we have two little boys. I depended on my husband exclusively. I didn’t work and I have health problems (rheumatoid arthritis) which prevents me from working a regular daily job.

Naturally, we were beginning to feel the crunch in our finances. THis stressed me out a LOT. However, John pleaded that I take out an equity loan on my house so that he can pay down our credit cards and other debts. Still at this time, I was hopeful that we can get back together. I allowed an equity loan of $15K to be taken out on my house. Months later, I learned that he went to Spain with his girlfriend! At the time I had started to lose hope on my marriage and I fell deeper into a depression. To this day I still cry over that summer of 2004. My hopes and dreams and security quicky disappeared through my fingers like sand.

By then, obviously, I started to believe that John was having sex with this woman. He denied it for a long, long time and even gave me hope Jan of 2004 that we just needed some time apart and that we can start ‘dating’ again to see if we can rekindle our relationship. No dating ever occurred. I pleaded for us to start receiving counseling. He kept saying no or making up excuses. She was a constant obstacle. I even couldn’t go on my own for ME. I couldn’t afford it.

I was happy in our marriage of 10 years. Yes, it got stale for a little while while our kids were babies and toddlers, but just when my second son was going off to school, we move to Charlotte and had the opportunity to start anew until John told me he needed some ‘space.’ He always denied ever cheating…until just recently when he told my stepmother, then me! This happened this past Easter week and when he told me I realized how depressed I really am with life. It made me realize how much it all STILL hurts. He was so casual about it, too.

I have been so depressed for YEARS and have not been able to shake this off. I am not the same person. I really feel that this woman has seduced and caused my husband to alienate me. They had also did the criminal action of having sex while we were married (albiet we were separated). I also believe that John’s girlfriend’s mother had something to do with this, too.

You see, they are both foreign aliens and not American Citizens. But they are wealthy and I feel that this young woman could have went after another man. I felt she took away the one man I ever loved and also my security. I am not well with health…and this adds to much of my depression. I cannot even afford to see someone to treat my depression or a doctor to treat my disease. Currently, I have no health insurance and am not on medication.

Can I file suit against my ex=husband’s girlfriend based on the above? Of course, there’s more things that’s transpired since then. But the summer of 2004 when they first moved in together is what “did me in” and caused me to take that downward journey to depression. And if so, what kind of suit, AofA or criminal conversation? What are my chances of winning such a case? Are there any lawyers that do such cases on a pro-bono basis or contingency basis? Are there any monetary limits to such cases? Her family is worth millions. At this point, I feel that I want at the very least to be compensated for times I couldn’t even see a counselor for my depression or a doctor for my disease. I’d like to get better mentally, emotinally and physically so that I can go on with life and start enjoying it once again.

I am not the ‘fighting’ type and even let the divorce happen automatically with the one year, one day stipulation. I never caused any trouble. I never fought over the children. John is free to see the boys whenever he wants. And I was hoping that time will let this settle, but I find myself very depressed still. I cannot afford any kind of help. I have been to the ‘free’ counseling clinics to no avail. I cannot afford to go to the doctors. All the while, during my separation, John and his girlfriend travelled the world, ate at nice places, shopped to their content.

And I’m not here jealous or anything like that. But I believe that if it weren’t for her seducing my then-husband and going ahead a live with him, John and I would have had a chance at marriage again. We never even went to counseling because she stood in the way and was a constant distraction.

We truly were happy even a SHORT time before our separation. He must not have known her for long. You see when we moved to Charlotte end of July 2003, we were both very excited and we both were looking at house plans to build a nice little house and John even promised me a new car. These lovely conversations between two that loved each other occurred August 2003. We were separated by January 2004!!! Do you see why I was so devastated. We ALWAYS talked about our dreams TOGETHER. We had no ‘marital’ problems. I stayed home with the children and even settled for living below our means so that we can enjoy life at leisure and not stress too much. I was always content with the little things.

I know I said a lot, but I wanted to give an attorney the best picture of my scenario so that he/she can give me the best free advice through this forum. If there is any hope at all to pursue, I think I will.

Thank you so much in advance for your time and sorry for the trouble.