Hi,
I’ve been married almost two years. My husband is a Police Officer and US Marine. In a few of our most recent bad arguments, he has threatened his life with a gun in hand (he’s never been treated for depression). One of our most recent ones, he held the gun to my head twice and threatened my life as well as spit on me and throw things at me. He was definitely in a crazy state. I did not report this because I was scared of a few things: 1. He would lose his job 2. The PD would do nothing and he would come after me or my (mom, dad, etc). 3. Didn’t want to hurt him. I did tell a few close people about it (his parents b/c I knew they could get a handle on him, a USMC friend of mine and another close girlfriend of mine). Not sure how this would help me with grounds for divorce if at all. Is it too late to let the PD know about the incident with the gun for something to be done? I documented it on paper and even sent him e-mails about it which have a time stamp.
If I want to move out ASAP (he’s out of town today and will be back around 1:00 and works in the evenings), I’m pregnant so it could take some time…if I only get 1/2 of my things in one load but come home to changed locks, at what point do I not have rights to the house? Not sure if it matters, he makes the house payments,etc. I just opened a business and it’s not allowing me to support many of the joint bills.
Threatening you with a gun is serious! You need to get out there.
As far as the house goes, it makes no difference during a marriage who “earned” the money and paid the mortgage. The house is 50% yours if it was purchased during the marriage. You cannot change the locks as long as you are married and “together”. Once separated, a different story.
You should seriously consider obtaining a Domestic Violence Order of Protection. Your husband’s behavior is extremely serious and you need to ensure you are safe. If you are granted and order you can seek to be awarded possession of the home so that you do not have the added stress of moving your things out in such a rush. If you do leave, and he changes the locks, you cannot enter the home again absent his permission, or a court order.
As for grounds for divorce, NC is a no fault state and the divorce is based on one year’s separation, though his behavior could be a factor in a determination of alimony if applicable, and certainly would bear on child custody moving forward.
Since you have documented this so well, in addition to the domestic order, you might want to consider getting him involuntarily committed. His actions are irrational and dangerous to both you and himself. I’m not sure about what proof is required, but if you’ve exchanged emails in which he has acknowledged his actions, I would think that that would constitute proof. The testimony of friends/relatives/neighbors, especially if anyone has their own witness of any similar events would also help.
Such a commitment could indeed trigger a medical discharge from the armed forces, however, if he has a serious mental illness and has threatened you both, the last thing he should be around are weapons. He desperately needs to get professional help…NOW.
Speaking as the child of a bipolar ex-marine, oftentimes the odd sleep schedule that is required by certain military positions can cause mental illness that was already present to blossom and become out of control. (The general stress of military life in general exacerbates mood disorders as well.)
It is vital that his sleep schedule is regulated. Sleep is both a cause of more extreme behavioral patterns and a symptom of underlying mood disturbances. While a sleep schedule will not eliminate depression or bipolar disorder, it can act as a rough measure of the presence of a disturbance phase and assist in making the mood swings less severe.
Not sure what kind of illness he has, but if he is bipolar or just depressed, the earlier he receives treatment, the better chance of a good outcome.