Trapped in N.C


#1

Hi,

My husband asked me to relocate our family to N.C. for his job. Our two children stayed behind with me to prepare and sell our family home in Illinois. We were apart for six months when our house sold and we reunited in N.C. We lived in an apartment for about four months before finding a house. During the move to the house, I tore my knee and about a week later he completely shut down on me. He would not say anything to me other than he wanted a divorce. I was shocked and devastated as we still have a garage full of boxes. He gave me the silent treatment for almost six months. I went on his computer and learned that he had been talking to his sister about divorcing me and she was coercing him to have me declared unfit and take the children away (I knew she didn’t like me, but I didn’t realize it was this intense). I also learned that he was having an emotional affair with his sister’s best friend with whom he declared to his sister that he was “in love.” I was floored. We’ve been together 19 years, married 15 years and I never, ever had any doubts about his fidelity. Last January, he came to me and apologized for his actions. He admitted that he was completely wrong and I did not deserve how he treated me. He said he wanted to repair our marriage and asked me to forgive him. I told him I would try, but I needed time to rebuild trust in him. He said he would do whatever needed to be done to heal what he had damaged and he would never treat me that way again. I was concerned about his connection with the other woman because she is very close to his family (while they have never embraced me) and it’s not like she was a random stranger we could be away from. Two times last year he went to visit his family and lied about contact with the other woman. While his contact with her was not sexual or inappropriate, it did break his promise to me to not have ANY contact with her. I was set back to Ground Zero because I felt that he betrayed me again by having contact and lying to me. He refused to go back to marriage counseling, read any of the books I bought or even talk about the issues that caused him to act the way he did. He simply wanted me to forget about it like it never happened. It was hard because I knew his sister was still talking to him behind my back and trying to come between us.

A few months ago he went silent again. I was shocked, again, especially since he said he would not treat me this way again (shutting down on me, blaming me for everything and going behind my back). He told his family and people at his job that I’m abusive toward him (which is NOT true). I have been a stay-at-home mom to our two children since the oldest was born (6 years) and our second (4 years) old. I have no family here, don’t really know anyone because the past year I’ve had two knee surgeries and have been trying to rehabilitate my leg. He won’t give me money to consult with an attorney and is generally trying to bully me into accepting his terms. He moved out today and called the police on me saying I was preventing him from leaving. That’s not true. I asked him not to leave until he signed the statement we wrote regarding his financial responsibility to the family. He has been calling the police on me just as a form of harrasment. He has not given me a new address for where he moved to and did not leave any money for me to buy things for the house and family, although that is what he agreed to do.

  1. Are there any attorneys in the area that will help me and get payment from him? I do not qualify for Legal Aid as they don’t handle Divorce/Child Custody cases.

  2. Am I forced to stay in North Carolina although he moved me away from the only place I’ve ever lived, where I have family, friends and know my way around? Will I be forced to stay here although he dumped the marriage four months after we showed up?

  3. Can I sue his sister and/or the other woman for Alienation of Affection? (I have written proof that he was estactic about us coming here and being reunited with me BEFORE conversations with his sister).

  4. I believe he is calling the police on me to try to have a paper trail of complaints to substantiate his “abuse” claims. It makes no sense that he asked me to move here if I was abusing him. How can I protect myself from him trying to set things up to look like he’s telling the truth?

Thank you for your time,
mj