Typical Child Custody Terms


#1

My separated wife and myself have attempted to come to an agreement with the custody of the children. Originally she was comfortable with 50/50 physical and legal custody. When reality hit her with the substantially low income she makes she is now attempting to get them as much as she can in my opinion to get more child support. When she tells me ’ you make 3.5 times the amount i do per month, how much do you really need… ’ , I think it is apparent.

She has stated that the nights I would normally have the kids that she wants them to come back to her apartment to sleep there. And do this every school night of what would be my week. It is apparent she knows that the more nights the kids sleep there per the worksheet the more money she will receive. Ever since school has started the week to week schedule has been working well. I drop off one of the kids at elementary school and pick him up after work. The other two boys ride the bus to their schools and it has been working fine, even though she holding on to the fact that the middle school boy will have issues knowing what bus to get on as she is using his EC classification as leverage.

We have custody mediation scheduled for this Monday and I am curious to know if they lean more towards 50/50 as I would like… I do not want to be a weekend father and have indicated this to her. I want to be in their life as much as possible and I believe that night time rituals are just as important as the rest of the day. Reading books and bedtime things… I still do not know why if we are only seperated and she does not know currently if she wants to reconcile why we have to go through court ordered mediation on this…


#2

Custody is presumed to be 50/50 between the parents unless there are facts and circumstances to make something other than 50/50 in the children’s best interests.

These types of facts and circumstances would be for example, a parent that frequently travels for work, a parent that works 3rd shift, parents that live geographically far apart, serious mental health issues, illegal drug use, excessive alcohol use, etc.


Anna Ayscue

Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest

Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.


#3

She would not come to an agreement during mediation as she would like to have the children the entire school rear and wants me to have them during spring and summer breaks. I do realize that this would not be a proper 50/50 arrangement and I do not want that at all, as I have stated before I want to be in my children’s life as much as possible. She is attempting to use the kids school grades as ammunition by stating she feels they will suffer due to the children going from one parent to the others each week. She is also using our middle as son as a reason that she needs to have them because he is a part of the Exceptional Children program for kids with needs. Though the services he requires is very minimal and I am uncertain what grounds if any this can provide her to get them during the school year.

I am also concerned because she wants to move them out of state and I know that she will not agree to the 50/50 , week to week that has been occurring. Looking for advice here on what I need to do to ensure that if this goes in front of a judge , which I believe it will, what I can do to be certain I do not loose my kids by her moving them out of state by her getting them the entire school year. Can she actually move them out of state if she has them during the entire school year? I am very concerned here as she is trying anything she can to make it look like there are issues with school related things when there really are not. She is doing her best to set me up and has been since the beginning of all this mess. She is also using the kids as a pawn which I have no respect for what so ever.


#4

You will need to show that the children living with their mother during the school year and not in a 50/50 schedule would not be in their best interest, and that living with both parents equally throughout the year would be in their best interest.

If you have been involved with the children’s school and/or extracurricular activities, you can produce evidence of this (records, teachers/coaches). You will want to show your ability/plan to get the children to/from school, whether that is dropping off/picking up or afterschool care plans that you would put into place. You will also want to show your involvement in your child’s Exceptional Children program and your involvement with the children in general (the things you do on the weekends, taking the children to medical appointments, etc.).

If custody was awarded during the school year with the mother, the mother could move out of state as long as she could still follow the court order. To attempt to prevent a move out of state, you will want to show the judge why the relocation would not be in the best interest of the children (by way of example: they have never been there before, there is no extended family there but here is here, the children do not have a close relationship with extended family there, the school system or educational opportunities are not as good there as it is here, etc.).


Anna Ayscue

Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest

Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.


#5

Unfortunately the reason she wants to move them out of state is that is where her family is from, so this would be a difficult one to use. All of the 3 children are boys (15, 12 and 9), would the judge take into consideration that the boys need their father in their life on a continual basis? We used to live where she wants to take them to so I can see where this is going to be a bit of a battle here.

I was the financial provider for the family and she was a stay at home mom until the past 2 years when she started working again and she was more heavily engaged in the school aspects until she went back to work. How is that going to affect the situation? Due to the separation/divorce and having two separate homes this is forcing me to become more involved than ever before in their schooling.

Being someone that did not have a father in my life, I know the struggles and how it can affect them. I want to ensure that I am in my boys life on a continual basis and not part time. What steps can i currently be taking to ensure the best outcome for my boys?


#6

Yes, the judge will take into consideration the bond that you have with each of your children and the fact that each child needs to maintain that bond and needs their father in their lives. The best interests of the children will trump the wishes of either parent.

The fact that you are involved in your children’s schooling is good, and you will need to show how you are involved (by way of example, checking homework, helping with homework, communicating with teachers, attend open houses, etc.).

Continue to stay involved with each of your children, their lives, their interests, and their wellbeing.


Anna Ayscue

Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest

Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.