Visitation questions


this question is for unwed parents

could you please define reasonable visitation? i think this issue is a huge problem because NC laws doesnt give a set number of hours, and what one thinks is reasonable, isnt…appparently! due to both parents being in college, time frames were restricted due to class times. father agreed to 3 times per week, every wed 3-8 every fri 3-8 every sunday 9 am to 6 pm. and one night per month for a toddler. however, he was given more time in between, totalling no less than 80 hours per month i think the max was around 96 hours. he never paid child support, refused when asked. only provided bare minimum material things. The extra time was not told to judge in court, (attorney was afraid it would go more in favor of father if extra time was mentioned…but it went in fathers favor regardless)… however, father tried to (and apparently did) convince the court that the mother refused him more time than the agreed upon wed fri sun and one night per week, and that went against the mother?? the father did repeatedly ask for more time, but, was told that once he started supporting his child, then they could discuss more visitation times, his response was, “if you want child support, you will have to take me to court!!” the child is very young, so the mother felt that the time given per week/per month was fair and reasonable, considering he wasnt being fair to the child and supporting the child.

another question…does the judge have a legal obligation to read/hear testimony against one of the parents for SEVERAL sexual misconducts with more than one MINOR that is NOT their child?? or can they refuse to hear it because “it has no relevance to how that person is as a parent”?..charges werent pressed, however, statements were given to attorney, as well as to a criminal investigator, and facebook messages between the grandmother and a relative discussing the situations LONG BEFORE the father and mother split up… as well as an instant message conversation between the one parent and one of the “victims” where they admit that what they done was wrong…everywhere i read, it discusses sexual abuse on THEIR OWN child, but NO WHERE is it said that if the parent has been ACCUSED, of sexual assaults on minors other than their child. same goes for assaults…the laws are for “domestic abuse”…meaning husband/wife boyfriend/girlfriend…but, what if one parent and the child are living with their own parents, and the grandparent of the child is physically assaulted (punched) by the other parent? how could these two situations affect child custody cases in court?


There is no standard “reasonable visitation.” The courts try to let parties work out their own definitions of reasonable visitation as much as possible. The mother may withhold visitation if she believes the child is in danger, but I do not recommend that you withhold visitation, unless there is a clear physical danger to the child. She will only be setting yourself up to have a cross motion for contempt. If she refuses visitation, he can call the police and they will enforce the Order.

You should not deny your ex visitation for non-payment of support. Though the issue of support is determined based on the number of overnights the children spend at each parent’s home the actual visitation has nothing to do with support. Your remedy for this situation is to file immediately a complaint for child support, that way he can be found in contempt if he fails to comply.

A judge is given wide latitude in custody cases in NC to listen to and consider whatever evidence is admissible in court, and to assign weight to said evidence as he sees fit. He will be given a lot of discretion in this, but he is to weigh the evidence with the best interests of the child in mind. Certain things may not be admissible since they could be hearsay, and there are other types of inadmissible evidence as well.


apparently i wasnt clear. my apologies. questions about visitation were BEFORE court orders were given. visitation for the father to see his child was NOT refused prior to any court orders. he agreed to, but later didnt like, certain days and hours…due to his school schedule, and expected MORE time than he had originally verbally, non court ordered, agreed to. i felt that 20 hours per week, seeing his child a total of 3 times per week was sufficient, especially for someone that was not paying any kind of child support. so, even though i wasnt receiving any child support, and he refused to give any, he WAS ALLOWED to see his child 3 times a week, for a MINIMUM of 20 hours per week, but that was not good enough for him. he didnt want to pay, but he wanted more and more and more time with his child.

according to NC Statue 50 B, the courts WERE supposed to take into consideration ANY acts of “domestic violence”… Domestic violence means the commission of one or more of the following acts upon an aggrieved party or upon a minor child residing with or in the custody of the aggrieved party by a person with whom the aggrieved party has or has had a personal relationship, but does not include acts of self‑defense:

(1) Attempting to cause bodily injury, or intentionally causing bodily injury; or

(2) Placing the aggrieved party or a member of the aggrieved party’s family or household in fear of imminent serious bodily injury or continued harassment, as defined in G.S. 14‑277.3A, that rises to such a level as to inflict substantial emotional distress; or

i also found this website, it listed some information that im not sure of how accurate the information is, but if its completely accurate, then imo, the judge did not do her job, since the judge refused to hear the evidence since it “wasnt relevant to how he is as a father”

the judge did not allow our evidence into the court…documents were emails, messages, texts, etc from VICTIMS…who also appeared in court to testify, but, because the judge wouldnt allow the evidence, the victims werent able to testify…and one was FROM my mother TO her cousin, discussing things that had taken place ALMOST A YEAR PRIOR to my ex serving me with custody papers. so these documents werent “hearsay”, because they were written from the victims themselves, or talking about what he had done to my sister and others while me and i ex were still together. that should have been proof that these situations were not made up because of the custody hearing. keeping them and printing them out was showing the judge the dates that they were written, to prove that the problems occurred and were discussed long before the couple broke up and long before he ever took papers out on her for custody, and it should have been relevant to his character…him refusing to pay child support should have been “relevant to how he would be as a father”…but nothing mattered to the judge…that mattered to us.

as far as child support…the judge ordered 50/50 shared custody, with neither to pay child support. each of us are to provide for the child when the child is in our care. at the time of court, he was working a full time job as an EMT, and i had just gotten a job the week prior to court working only part time…not allowed to get more than 20 hours per work due to company rules, and Im only making minimum wage. I have no idea what the fathers earnings are. we were recently told that the judge ordering “neither to pay” WAS ILLEGAL TO DO ON HER PART, because she was supposed to go by our total income, and whoever makes less, the other has to pay child support. idk how true this is…but it came out of the mouth of a professional. ive been told so many things, by so many professionals, that i just dont know who and what to believe. whatever the professionals tell us, the attorney says isnt true, or if he agrees that they were correct, he doesnt take any action to get anything done. so we are at a loss here trying to figure out where to go from here. all we are getting is the run around, and its very frustrating.


You can file an action for child support if you wish. Feel free to use the free online calculator on this website to get an approximation of the money you would be paid. If you cannot determine what his income is, you can request his pay stubs in the discovery process. I would try to estimate his income first and use the online calculator to see what the payments should be. You will always get less support in a shared custody arrangement (Worksheet B) than you would in a primary custody one (Worksheet A). This is simply because the overnights are equal, so there are less child-related expenses on the spouse with the lower income.