What can I do?


Why does Wake County have jurisdiction? If NOTHING has been filed yet, then I would think that if you are a resident of another state, and can prove residency, that you can file for a divorce in YOUR state. You would be the plaintiff. I will say, though, that since you left and he wants you back, that sounds a lot like abandonment, and the court will not show you a lot of sympathy, regardless of the state.


Thanks for your reply.> I begged my spouse for over two years to get counseling with me. He refused adamently stating that we had no problems and that I should grow up and take responsibility. That was in 1998. Excuse me but after being married that long, adjusting to his work out of the states since 1993, taking care of the house, property, pets, finances, purchasing an additional 2 acres in 1997, which we discussed and both wanted, and emergencies by myself…I firmly believed and still do that I had taken responsibility. I could have purchased anything. Whatever it might have been since I had his POA, but I loved and respected him much too much for that kind of behavior and he knew that. That’s why I had his POA.> In early 2000 I was still asking him to get counseling with me because as his last work assignment was a two year stint. In 1993 I did get to start seeing other parts of the world which was glorious and very exciting and I thoroughly enjoyed. But by 1998 I just wanted him to be home a little more so we could enjoy together, everything he had been working so hard for. I didn’t want him to retire by any means, he is the kind of person who needs to work whether he has to or not, I just wanted to discuss with him the possibility of maybe working closer to home. Anyway, in 2000 I let him know how serious I was and explained the possibility of separation, because to my surprise and HORROR I found my feelings were beginning to change and it scared the hell out of me. Yet still he refused to acknowledge there was a problem so the latter part of 2000 I left. He knew where I was and we talked every week. I hadn’t even planned to make the situation permanent but sadly I realized things could never be the same.> Two and a half years ago I begged him for a divorce and he would not even discuss it, so I asked him for a legal separation which he also refused. Last year he met someone he wants to marry which thrilled me because he now wants I asked for 2 1/2 years ago to whiz right through by the end of this year. My only problem is that after 39 years of marriage he wants me to sign a Separation and Property Settlement agreement which offers me $1200 a mo. for ONE year, a newer car when he can afford it, med. ins. coverage until the divorce and half of the equity in the house & 5 acres at time of separation. The papers state that I will give up all rights to our stocks and bonds, our CMA acct. with M/L, all life ins. In other words, it states that I will have nothing but what I have stated above.> Because I have refused to sign, he tells me that all such agreements are worded this way and that he will take care of me. I’m not stupid and have read all the legal info the Rosen Firm has to offer. I have even three free consultations with lawyers I could never afford. The second one who knew something about NC divorce law, after reading the agreement, came right out and told me that it was “bull s—”! However, they each told me that obtaining a NC attorney would be in my best interest AND for me not to sign anything, which was never my intent anyway!> Well, there you have a great deal of it but still not all. Nevertheless, if you get through all of this I will be grateful and much surprised. Again, many thanks for your interest and help. lostlady


My apology. My last question from the above message to your reply is: Does it still sound like abandonment to you? It wasn’t I can assure you. Thanks again for your input. lostlady


It sounds like a lot of frustration. A couple of resources you can consider are www.notrials.com a nonprofit dispute settlement center in Wake county. It is called (CDSS) carolina dispute settlement services. They may be able to offer you some help. While seeking a divorce is something you could do from your state or NC since he lives here, in NC the financial issues are a separate issue. Once concern, is in NC you could secure a divorce, but be certain your financial settlement and any alimony issues are reserved or settled prior to seeking that divorce judgment.

One other suggestion would be seeking access to the court systems family financial mediation. Ask CDSS about this too. Best of luck.

Deborah M. Throm
Rosen Law Firm
1829 E. Franklin Street, Bldg. 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.265.0017 direct
919.321.0780 main voice
Email: dthrom@rosen.com

4101 Lake Boone Trail
Suite 500
Raleigh, NC 27607
919.256.1544 direct
919.787.6668 main voice

301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
704.644.2531 ext. 100


My deepest and sincerest appreciation for your info and advice.> At least I have somewhere to start now.> Respectfully, lostlady


I desperately need a NC attorney but cannot afford one!! My spouse has control of all monies, etc. and I live in another state which makes it all but impossible to find financial answers.> For 3 1/2 years he adamantly refused to discuss, much less give me, a divorce and wouldn’t consider a legal separation either. He gave many reasons but mainly, he wanted me to come back to the marriage. I even agreed to consider the possibility. I seriously and sincerely gave much thought to this, and not once but twice. All the while he refused to send me updated/renewed credit cards, not even a book of checks.> Late last year he admitted he’d met someone which gave me hope that everything would take it’s course in a friendly, fast and smooth fashion. Well, not so much!> After not having to work for almost 20 years, he now wants me to get a job so I can help support myself!! But due to certain health issues my Dr. says I shouldn’t and even if I could, I’m 60 years old!!! He has the means but wants to distance himself in Every way now.> He sent me a Legal Separation/Property Settlement Agreement (which I tore up) and I was floored. Will explain in next message as it’s just too lengthly to get down in one.> What are my options and what are my rights? I know that Wake Co. has jurisdiction which makes it more difficult for me.> If you can help again it will be most appreciated.> Respectfully, lostlady