Wife Left, Now wants to come back home to be with kids only


#1

My wife was committed adultery. She confessed. She decided it was best for her to move out. She has come to the realization that 1) she cannot afford it on her own (I make the majority of the money); and 2) she regrets leaving the kids.

We are not legally separated (although she moved out 9 months ago). Am I legally obligated to allow her back in the house (the affair is still ongoing, although my “legal” proof other than her admission and texts/emails and some hotel receipts are limited)? When I sue for divorce, will I be obligated to pay alimony? And will I have to give her half of my assets, thus causing me to possibly foreclose on my home (where 3 children live) - we would not be able to sell it for what we owe on it.

Thank you.
Rob


#2

You don’t have to let her move back in.

Adultery is a bar to alimony.

She is entitled to equitable distribution of the marital property.


#3

Rob:

FWIW, If she moved out with the intention of leaving you permanently 9 months ago, not only do you not have to allow her back into the home, you can file for absolute divorce in 3 months and a day from the date she moved out. You are free to change the locks on the house at any time.

Do keep anything that you have that has her admitting to adultery. All it takes is an admission of guilt from her that you can provide to the courts and you can bar her from receiving alimony.

NOT AN ATTORNEY


#4

Imperium22,

I’m not an attorney but know you will be sorry if you let her back in the house. Don’t do it! Understand that she has unwittingly given you a gift!

You have to see this for what it is: she now realizes she screwed herself for alimony and knows if you let her back into the house she gets “unscrewed”. She will still want to get divorced from you - that will not change - but will get alimony if you let her back in because it will show that you forgave her transgressions. I think the best thing you could possibly do for you and your children’s future is to not let her move back into the house and to proceed with the divorce as soon as possible.

You may not have to sell the house, actually. Don’t forget she is on the hook for half of any marital debt. That means if one of you could refinance the house in your name only then the other would have to pay to get out of the mortgage. You will see more options as you go along. No matter what you end up having to do it will be better than if you let her move back to the house.


#5

Niceguy, I understand you are not an attorney but I’m wondering if you can explain further this idea of forgiveness over having an affair. Is there a legal definition of forgiveness? If yes, what does that entail. If my wife had an affair, and I verbally told her that I forgive her, is that enough? Would that ever hold up in court… seems like a matter of he said, she said to me. Are there other ways that forgiveness could be proven and thus be a bar to alimony?


#6

Ooh, I don’t feel qualified to comment on your post. I think you should post that as a new thread to make sure Ryan answers that.


#7

Here’s an explanation of the “forgiveness” being discussed -

http://www.rosen.com/alimony/afaqs/what-are-possible-defenses-against-actions-of-marital-fault-what-is-condonation/

Bottom line - don’t let her move back in and don’t sleep with her until you’ve fully discussed the details of your situation with a lawyer. If you blow this you may end up out of the house and paying alimony - tread carefully. This delicate situation really requires a careful discussion with your attorney.

Lee Rosen


#8

So, no sex = no forgiveness? Seems like the sex is an integral part of the forgiveness.