Wife sneaks kids out of state


#1

we live on the coast. my wife convinced me to rent our primary home which is on the ocean this summer. she would take the children to kansas. she established residency in kansas and three weeks before school starteded told me that she was staying in kansas and that we needed a divorce, in kansas which can occur after her 60 days of residency. she venue shop for better child support and possibly alimony.
she filed ex parte order allege threats, totally untrue but did not serve me in nc so that i would be unaware of her plan. she claimed i was a flight risk with the kids because i was planning a one week vacation to texas, i did not know at the time she was never returning.

the main problem from an objective level is that my wife severly limits my access to the children. five phone calls all summer dispite my having surgery and working during the hurricane etc… she threatened me if i visited kansas. as a physician it is ludicrous to believe that i would harm a child, i am a pediatric specialist and needing supervised visitation in ks is a joke. my nc lawyer in carteret county believes i can file to have nc jurisdiction, although she believes that we should strike a deal, because the nc court bias is to allow people to leave and males loose custody battles. texas, colorado, and kansas would frown on a spouse leaving without strong best interest of a child. a child best interest is both parents close to children in those states, i dont know about nc. my fear is that my wife will lie even further until either i am in jail, defending myself all the time or she gets to leave.

as aphysicain relocating my practice to kansas is cost prohibitive. as a physician my schedule would be extremelly difficult to see my children 1500 miles away. i get scattered 10-12 days off a month, but cannot cluster for travel well because of my practice logistics. additionaly when i am not working, i am on backup call as a rare specialist in a rural area on the coast. my vacations are actually staying withen short driving distance actually. my vacation this week was actually working because of hurricane irene. maybe my wife would move to the triangle. i love children, my career is taking care of them, and now i feel my kids are going to be gone forever or i will only see them 2-3 times a year while paying a child support well above the top threshold.

our childrens entire lives and all assets are in NC. my wife is a nurse and can work anywhere. additionally she is going to school at duke for nurse practioner. my wife wants to live with her parents. she is 37 and we have been married 12 years. we have no seperation agreement , my wife refuse same. she planned this all along. she can attend school anywhere, she just misses her mom in kansas.


#2

There is no bias in NC against males, and no precedent to allow mothers to move, that is absurd. You can file a motion to have jurisdiction transferred back to NC- but it may not be successful. Generally, in order to get jurisdiction transferred it only requires a conference between the judge in each state. You do need to file a motion to transfer jurisdiction in the North Carolina Courts and you will need to file an action in Kansas. The two judges will then have a phone conference and decide which state has jurisdiction. If the children haven’t lived in KS for the last six months, then KS may not be the proper state to have jurisdiction. The law that governs this is the UCCJEA. You will probably need an attorney in North Carolina and an attorney in KS to get this accomplished without a lot of difficulty. Talk to an attorney in KS. I bet that is where you will need to file based on the UCCJEA (Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act). You need to review the laws in KS and see if they are a UCCJEA state.

Since your ex left the state with the children with the intention of residing in another state permanently, you can try to file for emergency custody and she could be forced to return. The further in time you get away from when she left, the lower your chances are for getting this though. It seems to me that North Carolina is the home state of the children still (since the move appears to be very recent) pursuant to the law and jurisdiction is proper here. Before she moved to KS with the kids, she should’ve established a custodial agreement with you, or sought the court’s assistance and have a judge rule on the issue. There is no way to predict whether or not a judge would force her to return to NC with your children, but if since she left with them, she could even be subject to parental kidnapping charges for leaving the state.


#3

my wife in kansas has threatened no mediation, my finacial ruin, my loss of medical licensea bankruptcy and my going to jail if i bring her back to nc. threaten my going to jail if i visit kansas. i have been severely attacked by her.
my lawyers say just mediate, let her stay in kansas, because she can rapidly get restraining and protective orders agaisnt me, fight me with false charges ( the law on domestic violence is vague and without much due process IMO), and drain me financially because her family is wealthy. i am getting a restraining order against her threats about my livilihood.

so i bring her back, she makes my life nasty, i have to fight to stay out of jail ( i have never threatened or harmed her.)
she always says when we try to sort things out on the phone, recorded, that she feels threatened, translation …life is not going her way. if she makes false accusations, as she already has in kansas, i disprove her in court , she has no consequences. i have learned that false accusors later with 2 years escalate to false accusations of child sexual abuse… which ends my career as pediatrician even if proven false later.
in california false accusations of child abuse lead to loss of custody, a good law.

so i bring her back, she makes my life nasty, and nc courts eventually let her leave even if i prove she will not share kids with me etc. my lawyers believe she will win either now or later and i should cut my losses now and let her stay. wow i just surrender my kids for no reason.

the children best interest are in either state except kansas because i will be prevented from visiting. she will get over a million dollars of child support alone. why wont a judge compell her to stay in this state where we have two homes.

secound question, how is a defense that the seperation and move out of state and lawyer bills compels forclosure.
today i support two houses, she moves i add her kansas residence and child support and my travel and aprtment in kansas when i visit, four abodes is too much for me or anyone really. do economics prevent one from leaving the state? selling homes in this market is very bad, closing my practice and reestablishing in kansas is worse economically really. i should not be forced towards bankruptcy because one wants to just move away.


#4

A judge cannot force her to live in NC- but can rule that the children must be returned here. I’m sorry for the predicament you are in. I wish you luck.


#5

Filed for divorce bed and board. Abandonment.
Filed temp protective order forbid acts against my career. not full restraining order.
Judge signed order for wife to bring children back.
Awaiting jurisdictional conference with kansas.
asking for wife to get supervised visitation because flight risk.
Hope she complies want her to see children as well without supervision soon.
seeking sole custody. Have adjusted my workload to accomplish.
Dont know how to not avoid custody battle.

Issue is custody withen nc i believe, not between nc and ks?
how often do custody court battles end as joint custody as a compromise?
Does her flight action and not sharing children work against her?
Both of us are fit except her recent actions. I have changed evening job, work only 26 weeks a year for full time pay. I will be available everyday between 2am and 7 pm.
how easy can wife with sole custody remove children from NC esp considering her motives?
She has same education and job benefits in both nc and ks.
Children well provided for both her and possibly ks except kansas i am shut out.


#6

I am glad that you are having some progress. The issue right now is just making sure that KS knows that NC continues to have jurisidiction of the children, unless or until they have resided in KS for six months. They are probably just working out jurisdiction right now. I cannot say how often these cases end in joint custody, but her absconding from the state and making the threats she did to you will certainly hurt her case. Typically, it is the preference nowadays in most NC courts to award joint custody, but every case is of course unique.


#7

We Had UCCJEA conferance. 5 lawyer and a judge in KS, 2 lawyers and a judge in NC. I prevailed.
very expensive. NC is homestate. Hoping for unjustifiable conduct ruling, so loser pays excessive
legal fees.

A big deal was made about the fact that an ex parte hearing was held in Kansas, The opposing lawyer
, claimed that I had no address to be served with the ex parte orders.
AS a physician who is employed at a hospital it is IMPOSSIBLE that Ihave no adress. The KS lawyer wanted ex parte sole custody, and time to elapse 60 days to allow a filing for KS divorce. I filed in NC lat august.
I was not served until almost October concerning ex parte hearing.

Jurisdictional battles are expensive. Per UCCJEA , DOJ memorandum, an ex parte order has no effect
beyound the issuing state borders, unless notice and opportunity to be heard is performed in good faith.
Lawyers have a duty as officers of the court to not lie. It is unbelievable that I had no address. By statue
as a physician I must have an address.
I have an answering service, a pager, a hospital and a office and a home address. Even if I moved oversea, I must maintain a US address or sysytem to obtain medical records by law. At an ex parte hearing a lawyer opposing me must provide both favorable and unfavorable information reasonably known to that lawyer.
I have filed an ethics complaint with the KS bar. what should i expect.

How often do spouse’s or their lawyers claim during an ex parte hearing that address is unknown
for advantage. Is this tolerated by the courts?


#8

I am sorry you had such a bad experience, but am happy that it is working out for you now. I don’t know how the KS Bar will handle your complaint. You are right that it would be unethical for an attorney to knowingly lie about an issue in court.


#9

The ex parte order expires, my ex never shows up on three occasions to have the hearing in NC about the veracity of her statements.
During discovery she provides no proof… the damage was done, false charges ex parte order last 5 months, expire, meanwhile she establishes the children in school in KS. I have a weak abandonment claim against her. I have had 6 hours of phone contact with the children in 5 months. A judge allows a 2nd continuance but asks that I be reuinited with the children for thanksgiving. 3,000 in legal bills later, no cooperation from my ex I suceed in bringing my son back to NC for a few days (additional 2300 travel cost). My ex refuse to let my daughter travel when I arrive in KS airport. My ex keeps making stipulations about travel etc dragging things out until I just show up in KS ( with notice) for the children I have not seen in over 5 months. This denial and my cost are lost forever…
there is no ramification for my ex.
My ex finally comes to NC, and before the hearing she offers to drop PSS, if she can stay in KS this school year. My lawyer says that is good and somehow means a weaker alimony claim later. ED will leave neither of us dependant, I want to restore status quo custody wise ,my lawyer says my case is good but, inertia of removing children from school and female bias in courts means I need to swallow no PSS as a consolation prize. I regret this decision of signing this agreement with temp orders, then signed by the judge.

Does no pss really weaken her later alimony cliam?

My travel expenses are equal to the CS award, why do I pay essential double CS for 70-80 nights per year mostly in the summer when I work overtime in the beach economy? Can this offset alimony or ED somehow?

There are no flights that exist from the outer banks to KS and back the same weekend, unless you fly/travel 12 hours both saturday and sunday. I visited KS for 4 days, my travel cost equated to $90 for each hour of awake child contact. Eventually I will only see them for xmas , spring break and summer.

Why does her ability to be with her family trump my ability to have weekly contact with the children, long distance visitation will never equal short distance.

If denied visitation, which is still occuring, I maybe awarded more visitation, which I cannot exercise because I work, and because the cost are enormous.

We own two houses in NC, both underwater. Common sense says each of us lives in a house here. My wife could attend school and I could watch the children during any day she wants because I work now at night. Instead we are going to short sale one house.
Why should I face that economic loss just because she wants to move? I could seize more assets to offset but that hurts her and may make her “dependant” and need alimony. She does not , her family is wealthy. This move, with the short sale, and travel cost are like my paying triple the max child support…and with little child contact, when do economic factors and common sense rule instead of her right to move away? My travel expense ($25,000 plus per annum) I have offered to pay her mortgage here, or goto a college fund…

My children have poor grades, behavoir problems, and test scores. I had to commence legal action in KS just to get the school records, my ex was hiding these from me. My son at age 8 now stutters, and wants to move back to NC.

Custody trial, I have been told I will loose because she is well funded and a homemaker and her freedom of movement trumps: my
financial destruction, children exposure to a father, and her proven record of not fostering contact. Lawyers are turning my case down- too acrimonious… or wanting $80,000 and telling me the judges will reward the homemaker.