I would like to add to this posting. Who or what determine who gets who retirement. and what are the guidelines?
Fair or not, anything acquired or accrued during the marriage is marital property. Many men in your position have the same feeling, that it isn’t fair. Hindsight is 20/20. His reluctance to sell the house, however, isn’t his decision to make unilaterally. Equitable distribution looks at ALL the assets and liabilities and divides them equally. You might decide that you need the retirement worse than the house, so you can trade assets and liabilities back and forth with a mediator to strike a deal. Before I did so, however, I would talk with an accountant to see how these moves would impact you financially–do a little CYA before you go in.
As for filing a divorce, they can be simple if you agree, and costly as hell if you don’t.
I would add to the last posting, that you should not seek a divorce without properly reserving the Equitable Distribution matter. Consulting with a NC attorney, even by phone, would be useful to decide what your legal priorities should include.
The court may order the parties to take certain steps regarding marital and divisible property, including selling a home.
NC statutes include retirement rights when determining an equitable distribution. To the extent that they are earned during the marriage, they will be valued and distributed as marital property.
If other assets can offset your retirement asset, such as you suggested, by your share of equity in the marital residence, that might be considered equitable, and as always you could mutually agree to such a distribution. You said you could not afford an attorney; you could seek help from a court program in your county for family financial mediation or arbitration of ED. Contact the Clerk’s office in the county where you intend to file your divorce.
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I left my husband of 21 years due to his alcoholism and adultery. I do not have a formal seperation agreement and the one year waiting period will be up in April. I really don’t know where to start when it comes to filing for a divorce. He will not agree to sell our home so I know he will have to refinance it to “pay” me off. My question is–Why is he entitled to MY retirement? Is there anyway around it? I’m the one who has worked in education for 15 years to build up the retirement not him…He doesn’t have a retirement account at his company but I don’t feel like it’s fair that he gets 1/2 of what I’ve worked 15 years for…If we can settle on the house do I HAVE to remind him that I have a retirement account? Can he take 1/2 of my retirement out of my portion of the house? Also, don’t know where to start to get a divorce…I don’t have much money…I’m in education!