AA-CC and general questions


facts: STBX is 6 weeks moved out, refuses signing sep agree believing in reconciling, makes about 50% of my income, has threatened AA-CC due to email conversations with out of state party, no children of marriage.
STBX’s actions when breaking in to email and reading them has broken trust that cannot be restored and therefore I wish for a divorce. Affection has been displayed since initial discovery of email conversations. STBX’s reactions and deeds are cause of desire for separation with intent to divorce.

1)Must i worry about alimony?

2)Are either AA or CC claims viable when the 3rd party is not an NC resident nor has been in this state in over 20 years.

3)If I move out of state and establish residency in another, and choose to divorce on an shortened timeline, am I still subject to the possiblilty of AA-CC claims?

  1. Is the 3 year statute of limitations admissable on someone who is no longer a resident?

  2. To prove CC intercourse must be proved (correct? ) To prove AA then malicious intent must be proven on the paramour. How is this possible if a spouse seeks out and pursues the paramour?

The 3rd party is a former relationship that existed well before the current marriage and written contact was maintained during marriage without knowledge of STBX, later telephone contact was initiated.

The scary part of AA-CC is that it seems if you had met anyone before or during your marriage and a relationship develops afterward or during the separation period that you could be setup for a lawsuit.

  1. Is this really the case?

This is sad since these laws are put into place for people who cant handle rejection or admit that they did something to cause their spouse to go outside the marriage for either emotional or physical support.

  1. if you are the dependent spouse, then yes, an affair can destroy your chance of receiving any alimony whatsoever.

  2. If the 3rd party has not been in this state in over 20 years, it is unlikely that they can be liable for AA/CC, especially CC, unless the state in which they reside also has such a law. One minor possibility for AA, though, is the concept that the actual crime occurred via email, and therefore over NC cyberspace, which would place it in NC jurisdiction. I have seen one case in the courts where this was argued successfully. Unlikely, but possible.

  3. If jurisdiction is proved on the 3rd party, yes, since the act would’ve taken place in NC.

  4. Yes. 3 years from the time of the final act.

  5. For CC, intercourse must be proved by either an act, admission, or by proving inclination and opportunity. For AA, it does not matter than you contacted and pursued the paramour. IF the paramour was asked to leave you alone and remove themselves from interference in the marriage at any point, then they can be considered to have caused the problem.

  6. Yes. In my case, I was a friend and coworker to my BF prior to his separation, but had not dated nor slept together. No phone conversations, nothing. After 2 years of marriage therapy, several accusations of sleeping with other women over the past 15 years (none true but it was an issue the ex had), some physical abuse on the wife’s part, his wife asked him for a divorce (she had done so several times, even before I had met him). He agreed and moved out. When she found out that we had started dating, she went berserk, blamed me, and I spent 2 years with threats of AA/CC lawsuits, threats to my life, and some property damage, plus the near destruction of my career.

In our case, our relationship after the date of separation could potentially be used to say that there was inclination prior to separation, and any contact that we had outside of work could be used to say that there was opportunity.

I guess what I find the most irritating about these laws is they absolve her of fault for all bad conduct during the marriage itself. She will never acknowledge that if it weren’t for her controlling, manipulative behavior, her repeated accusations of adultery without cause or proof, her physically striking her husband in front of their kids with hands and objects, and her repeated requests for a divorce (used primarily as a way of hurting him emotionally so that she could feel wanted), she might still have remained married. He hung in the relationship as long as he possibly could and tried hard to work on the marriage. By the time he left, he was more than ready to move on since he had stayed with the abuse for so long. He has acknowledged his fault in the relationship, but she continues to hold me solely to blame. She constantly brings up the AA/CC as a way of ‘proving’ I am to blame, since in her head I prevented them from reconciling. (Even though I split up with him at one point during their separation period because I didn’t want to be involved any more than I had been.)

I do understand that there are cases that are egregious and many people believe that AA/CC is their only recourse, but I think they do more harm than good and they tend to deflect responsbility away from the appropriate people.

AA/CC laws tend to treat spouses as personal property. Something I thought we had gotten rid of when we abolished slavery.


"I guess what I find the most irritating about these laws is they absolve her of fault for all bad conduct during the marriage itself. She will never acknowledge that if it weren’t for her controlling, manipulative behavior, her repeated accusations of adultery without cause or proof, "

Aside from physical abuse this is exactly what I have been dealing with.

my biggest mistake was overlooking the alcoholism, workaholic nature, low self esteem, and codependence and marrying her anyway thinking I could “fix” her. I give up and now she wants to blame me for all her life long problems.

These laws perpetuate this type of persons ability to continue the manipulation and control. The only saving grace here is the cost of the fight itself which would make it prohibitive for us. Neither makes enough to initiate or fight the battle with lawyers. I just want to get on with my life.


Your spouse is likely entitled to alimony. If the spouse who makes less money can prove he or she is actually and substantially dependant on the other spouse’s support to maintain the standard of living enjoyed during the marriage alimony will be awarded based on the need of the dependant spouse and the ability of the supporting spouse to pay. The statue also dictates that a supporting spouse who has committed adultery shall pay alimony.
Whether or not NC has jurisdiction will depend on the paramour’s conduct directed at the state, not just mere physical presence within the state. It has been held that making calls to a married person in NC will allow the court to exercise its jurisdiction over such a claim. The residence of the spouse and or the paramour at the time of suit will not bar jurisdiction in most cases.
Criminal Conversation does require proof of intercourse, which may be by direct evidence or circumstantial, the burden of proof in a civil case is on the plaintiff who must prove that sexual intercourse between his or her spouse and the third party occurred based on a preponderance of the evidence, ie: more likely than not.
Third party claims can be pursued against third parties who interfere with a marital relationship, however evidence of post separation conduct in an alienation suit is used only to make an inference that the relationship existed prior to separation.