He moved out this year, and in NC divorce cannot happen within a year of that, so you two are married. While still married he had sex with another woman, so he is guilty of adultery. I don’t see too much wiggle room here. From what I know that gives you a huge advantage in terms of alimony and custody. If he loses his job because of that, that is of his own doing. Maybe he will learn from this and make better choices in the future.
I have no idea about the ramifications of cybersex with a daughter in the same room, but it sounds bad. If this can be connected to her emotional issues, I think that would count as him being a negligent parent. Are you just finding out about this, or have you implicitly condonned it for the past few years? This could haunt both of you. In any case, get her to a professional if you haven’t already done so. Contacting Social Services might be a good idea too. The well being of your girls should be your highest priority here as they are young kids and innocent bystanders.
I don’t think porn is illegal in and of itself, but it can be one more black mark against him. Ditto for online dating profiles. The fact that the women he contacts are married is not an issue for you, but between them and thier husbands.
If he has entered the house after he moved out, he is guilty of breaking and entering, even if he still has a key. As he is a cop, he should know this. If he took stuff that wasn’t his from before the marriage, that would be theft.
I don’t know how legal it is for you to have his hard drive recovered if you are trying to reclaim email. I believe that there is a bit of gray in terms of the status of email as telecommunication, so this might qualify as an unlawful wiretap. That would get you into some hot water. This is a topic for your lawyer.
As for going to court, why would you want that? Have your lawyer get the best terms that he (or she) can, and settle without spending the extra money. The only reason for going to court would be if he decided to fight, and that strikes me as being foolish on his part.
Don’t worry that he calls you a bitch. I certainly say that about my STBX when I’m in a foul mood. It comes with the territory.
Since you say that you already have an attorney, I think you are posting more to be reassured than to learn anything. From what you are saying, you are holding all the cards and he is trying to browbeat you into accepting terms that are more favorable to him. Just calm down, ride it out, and talk to your lawyer when you can. You seem to have a very strong position and very little to fear.