Advice Requested


My first suggestion to you is to consult an attorney. Second, talk to your boss. Disclose all this information. Let them know that this is a possibility so that they are not blindsided if she does call. Keep all the documentation. When you consult the attorney ask them what you need to do to show abandonment. What happened to the household items from overseas? You are entitled to 1/2 those items.
You did the right thing by changing you banking info. Now you need to protect yourself further.
I would say that IF she did file for alimony it would not be very much or for very long given the length of the marriage and that it was her choice to work. Consult an attorney. Use the date that you moved back as the date of separation. If she attempts to use the “proof” of adultery…let her try. If you have not cheated on her then you have nothing to worry about, it will be pointless and any attorney that took the case would be doing so for the money only. Keep all e-mails and document as much as you can. See if you can get a statement from your old boss about the information that she gave him…


Thank you Stepmother for the input. Much appreciated.


In order to give my opinion I need additional information. How long did you live overseas and did you live there as military or as a civilian? Where do you live currently?

P.S. Please feel free to bring up this or any other topic on our live call-in show every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. EST. Visit for details

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.


My wife and I have been married three years. During the marriage, my wife has never given me a gift or card. She does not cook, clean, iron, or wash. During our marriage, she has never worked. Though she made promises that she would.

I have one dependent daughter who is 16 from a first marriage and she lives with her mother. My ex-wife and I had an amicable separation and divorce. I was the “offended mate” in that marriage. My current wife has three adult boys.

Within 2-3 months of our marriage I was inducted into Foreign Service where I worked at a US Embassy overseas and was doing very well. A great life for myself and my new wife. Just prior to making my move to my new overseas job, my wife explains to me that one of her adult sons (21 years old, who lives in another State) is having a problem with finding a place to live. His father, who promised to provide a roof over his head, backed out of the deal to provide for him. My wife pleaded with me to take him overseas with us. I did not like the idea, but loved my wife and I knew that if we went overseas she would be worried about him. So I paid his way to the new overseas location. My company would not pay since he was not my dependent.

Once overseas, my wife began to change. She would slip up and call me by her ex-husbands name and sometimes her sons name. She began spending excessive amounts of time with her son; many times not acknowledging my presence. We have a joint account and she was simply uncontrollable. I took steps to control our finances as she was irresponsible. After the first year, I sent her son back to the U.S. because his life was wasting away. He was able to find a job and purchase a car. My wife never forgave me for sending her son away. Yet, her son thanked me for putting him in a situation to grow up.

Still while overseas, another one of my wifes sons, wanted me to co-sign on a car loan. I declined because he had a car and a good job. Plus, I had become suspicious that my wife married me for money. My wife never forgave me for that.

My wife is the kind of person who hates the word no. She began to hurl ultimatums at me stating that if she did not get her way, she would tell my boss on me. In other words, make stuff up that could get me fired. Well she did it!

She lied to my boss and told him that I had physically abused her, was controlling, prejudiced, and that I have a problem with America. All lies as I am a highly decorated veteran with 20 years military service and 16 years service in my current job with the Federal Government.

My boss believed her stories and, without talking to me, he passed the information onto his supervisors who ushered me out of the country under false pretenses. My wife remained at the overseas location in order to pack out the house we were living in. She is back in the US but never returned to NC. I had to call by boss overseas to find out where she moved to.

In other words, her lies got me fired.

We have a joint checking account and she regularly makes withdrawals. She has emailed me demanding that I provide her with an x amount of money each time I get paid every two weeks. I feel that she has never contributed to the account and she abandoned me, I am not obligated to provide her anything. I have bills to pay (rent, phone, utilities, etc, she does not. I have tried to be civil by ensuring that there is money in the account so she can eat and sustain herself.

She ran off but wants me to pay.

Now she is saying that I cheated on her and she has proof and that she wants a divorce. My response has been if she has proof, she should file for divorce. She has tried to get me to write a letter stating that I cheated on her and to sign it. I refuse to do so since I have not cheated.

Recently, (and after a pay day where my pay is direct deposited into the joint account)my wife withdrew everything in the joint account and left me nothing. I emailed her and asked her why did she do this and to put the money back as I had rent and other bill due. She ignored my emails.

Since that incident, I arranged to have my pay go into another account she does not have access to.

I want to file for divorce from her. She is in her 40s, skilled and able to work (I am in my mid 50s). She came into the marriage with nothing. I owned a house and a car before I married her. I sold the house two years ago before going overseas. All I have as far as assets is the car I own. That we have been married for three years and I have supported her and an adult son that is not mine, will she be entitled to alimony. She is definitely focused on getting money.

She is very clever and portrays herself as being the victim and has a strong sense of entitlement.

Her new hook is that I cheated on her, which is not true.

Incidently, there has been no formal charges of abuse, no police, arrests, or anything like that. Just her spreading the lies. Her first marriage lasted about 25 years and her first husband supposedly cheated on her and she did not ask for alimony from him (they had three boys).

I desperately want away from this woman and want to move on with my life without the drama. I am fearful now that if she does not get her way, she will start calling my new employer and do the same thing (even though we do not live together).

I want to initiate a divorce. We have nothing as far as real property. What can I do? I don’t want her in my paycheck. I am really a good person and everyone says that she was lucky to find me because most men would not have done for her what I have done for her.