Alcohol dependant wife

If your wife has had her kids taken away and still doesn’t see a problem, she is in a downward spiral toward self destruction. As far as the legalities of bed ad board divorce, I do not know, but I have seen on this forum that it can be a lengthy, costly process. Do you have any direct ties to the home? Other than a possible mortgage, would you be opposed to living somewhere else? If you do not have an emotional attachtment to the home and your children are stable without it, I don’t know that I would fight to keep it. I would just find another place to live. In the seperation agreement you can address the disposition of the house. If she wants to stay there, she’d have to refinance in her name only in order to take you off the liability. There are other factors that play as well, but they can be addressed as they relate to your situation.
As far as the kids go, that is a more emotional subject. You have just under two years left and you may be deployed… Can you provide them stability within the next year? It is obvious the momma can’t. I would suck to not be able to live everyday life with your boys, but they need stability. Are you going to stay in this area after you’re discharged? If you plan on going back to Indiana… that would be another upheval for your boys. This is something that is not an easy descion… you will have to make it as it best fits your family.
I would suggest talking to your JAG office… they can probably give you the legalities as they pertain to your situation.
On a more personal note… I think any momma who chooses anything over her kids is a sorry excuse for my gender. And to do so while her husband is overseas protecting not only her right to be a lush, but the rights of an entire country. It is a shame.

Your situation may fit the grounds for divorce from bed and board, alcohol dependency and abusive behavior are two grounds you can use to seek a divorce from bed and board.

Based on your post it may be best to leave the children in Indiana, however, I cannot advise you to do that without personally meeting with you.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

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Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
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Chapel Hill, NC 27514
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The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.

I am a Marine currently deployed aboard a US naval vessel. During this deployment, I had to return home after my wife had been taken to the hospital where it was determined she was alcohol dependent. My sons (3 and 6) were at that time being watched by my mother who had come down at the request of the wife from Indiana.

I returned home on emergency leave to “take care” of my sons in early September. After a discussion with the DSS workers, and a separate conversation with my wife, it was determined that my sons would go to Indiana to live with their Grandparents (my mom and her husband) until I returned from overseas. My sons have been there in Indiana since September and I returned to my unit that same month. I am due to return to NC within days.

DSS did not file any court papers as I was able to arrive home and extract my children before they could take any definitive action. Additionally, the wife has not taken any corrective action based on the findings and recommendations of DSS (out patient rehab and follow on counseling). They have since closed her case because the children are out of state, she is in non-compliance and uncooperative with their directives.

Additionally, prior to my original departure in July 2007, she had become abusive to the point of hitting me. I do not make those accusations lightly, but I did not report them, because there were no marks (I do not bruise or mark easily).

With the current operational and deployment requirements there is a very real possibility of me deploying again before I retire in November 2009. I fear that if I do not take action and if the wife is still drinking (which I have information telling me that she is still consuming) that I will then be at fault as well (DSS informed me that when the original report was filed I was not at fault because I was deployed).

If she were willing to get help (which she vehemently denies any problems) I would consider staying with her. But with the deterioration of our conversations since my return to my unit and knowing that she is still drinking, I feel there is no other course but to file for separation and finally, divorce. As well as petitioning the courts for sole custody, which DSS has already told me they would have done if they would have had to get more involved with the situation.

What I wanted to find out is the following:

  • Does this fit the legal parameters for “Grounds for divorce from bed and board”?

  • As the boys are still in Indiana, should I leave them there while these issues are worked out?

Any and all advice is greatly appreciated.

Semper Fidelis

A Father and Marine