A few months ago my husband told me that he wanted to separate because we were no longer ‘compatible’. Though we have had some problems I was under the impression that we were working on getting those resolved. He had been hanging out with a different crowd, who met on a regular basis to go to a bar, or out on the boat, getting wasted and party. Afterwards they would go to one of the couples’ house and drink some more. My husband would stay there overnight and even on weekdays he would go out on the boat with them in the afternoon, drink, have dinner and sometimes stay overnight. I didn’t think much of it because he seemed to enjoy that kind of lifestyle and I don’t like to drink that much, and I didn’t want to be the nagging wife. i would come over sometimes but would go home to sleep and he didn’t want to come along. I knew that he really liked the friend’s wife, but would have never thought that he would actually hook up with her.
What I found out afterwards was that he was at least flirting with her (was told by the other friends that were hanging out at the bar and boat with them), and they suspected something was going on between them. After they confronted them, all hell broke lose between them, which I wasn’t really aware of because at that time my husband had already alienated me from that circle.
To make a long story short, his announcement coincided with the house being paid off, and he at first was going to keep the house and pay me out. He kept going back and forth between keeping it and then selling it, so I didn’t know if I had to move out or what. He did convince me (after being threatening and mean) that I should move out and he will stay in the house until it is sold.
He took all the money from our joint accounts and left me with less than $400.- He claimed that all the money was from his inheritance he got over the years, even though I had contributed to those accounts on a regular basis which was quite substantial. He has a lawyer who drafted a separation agreement in which he gets half of my pension, half of my 401k and I pretty much get nothing except half of the proceeds from the house once it is sold.
He also wanted to QDRO the pension amount out of my 401k which I do not agree to for several reasons (his part would fall back to me if he dies before me; you can’t loan anything against the pension, etc.).
I had hired a PI who got proof of his affair and I finally told him that I would sue her for alienation of affection and file an ED lawsuit if we can’t come to a mutually agreeable Separation agreement.
My question is, how much does an AoA cost and is there some better way to get him to settle this? One thing I have to mention is that I am 13 years older than him, and I guess a judge would take that and his substantial cash amount he now has into account when it comes to the ED suit.