The court may consider that you are paying college expenses for your children, but it is unlikely you will be reimbursed for those expenses. The court will likely disregard those expenses when calculating the amount that you need for support. It is unusual that a court would award more in alimony than they did in Post Separation Support, but is has happened.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Voice: 704.307.4600
Main Fax: 704.943.0044

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.

HMMMM…risking making enemies, I must comment. While I appreciate the lawyer’s responses and they all make logical and legal sense. I have been reading your posts KateYoung and it LOOKS to me like you are sitting very nice with your settlement. If I read correctly:

  1. You get an income of $7500.00/mo (3400 PSS / 4100 CS)
  2. Your mortgage is being paid
  3. Homeowners paid
  4. Health insurance paid
  5. 15K lump sum award.

That is 90K a year with no mortgage to worry about. Yes, you’re used a higher standard of living, but you must be realistic. Your standard of living WILL go down…as has HIS if he’s paying at least 120k to you a year when all is said and done. There is no way that someone (everyone) will ‘suffer’ for the breakdown of the marriage. Is it fair? No. Will you have to manage as best as you can? Yes. Will the kid have to give up some of their extra curricular activities? Maybe. Is is fair to have the father “pay for” the damage he may have done? It sounds like he is paying quite a bit monetarily. It is hard to read your posts when there are others here who are lucky to get the ex to pay child support or they can’t afford an attorney.

I would take that 15K and set it aside for education. You said that was for ‘maintenance’ (I’m not sure what that actually goes toward). Then I would add to that monthly from the money you have coming in OR find a part-time job while the kids are in school and use that money for education. Promises are broken every day…obviously his promise to stay married to you was broken. You will have to ‘chin up’ and manage the money you have to do the things you want to do. I know you’re angry/hurt/pissed at the situation you’re in and you hate it for the kids, but they will heal with time.

Also, there are MANY scholarships and grants out there, but you have to look for them and apply. Many kids help pay for their education with part-time jobs. A college education is a privilage-not a right. You can’t make him pay (even if he promised)and I personally don’t think it’s fair to have a court mandate it or include it as an expense when figuring alimony. If he promised to pay, and he doesn’t, then prepare to pay for it yourself or through some financial aide. That’s just reality. It’s what I’ll have to do, and it’s what many other folks will have to do.

OK…slap my hands forum-I just couldn’t help it. [V]

comments accepted and well taken

I do not want to sound greedy by any means and I know a lot on this forum are struggling

I, myself, am a professional, so I am not immune to hard work (and I do work)

I guess I am still bitter. Husband does make a lot of $ and works hard but I worked hard also both in and out of the house. Husband did have lots of $$ to play with during the marriage and he played with it well - expensive hobbies and possessions

My kids are not afraid to “put themselves through college” and I am sure in the end this will make them better people.

I guess I do not feel spouse has suffered as he still is enjoying $$ hobbies, but now saying bc of the payments to maintain the childrens (minor) lives, their house and his new house and girlfriend there is nothing left. This money was to be the children’s college fund

Again, I apologize if I sounded greedy. I actually was glad it was decided by the judge so I could say that she decided fairly. My atty was a fair decent man, not a crook out to to get spouse’s money.

(funny thing is the atty is a neighbor and probably knew my spouse better than he knew me and enjoyed his company. Atty knew my children also and I think just wanted to do well by them.


I applaud you for what you wrote! Yes, you were treated fairly and much better than I was treated. I’ve been treated like a piece of dirt…by the judge, by my lawyer, and by my ex. I understand “bitterness”…probably better than anyone, but just try to do the best you can by your children. Sounds like your ex will dig his own hole. Let him. Remember, the “women” in HIS life are only out for one thing…his money…not his sweet, lovable self. AND you can take THAT to the bank!!! Trust me!

Getting prepared for the permanent alimony trial. Will it resemble the PSS trial and they will review each spouses financial affidavit plus now go into things such as marial fault such as adultery. I know you cannot ask spouse to pay for college. But, my affidavit will show that part of my expenses are educational (for college student). If my needs are not being met with my current salary and PSS, will it be likely that my alimony may be increased to help with all my expenses (20K/year for son’s college). My husband made over 300K/year so we never thought of appying for financial aide but starting next year I will, as long as I do not have to include dad’s salary. Can I start a saving fund for college for my 3 younger kids and have this listed as one of my expenses. We never had a college fund set aside while married, but spouse always said he would pay for college on a credit card and therefore always paid his cards down. Now he left the home and bc of his expenses of his new life he is not responsible for his over 18 children. Could the court ask him to start setting money aside for his 3 minor children to be used as “educational expenses” or would this be under the category of upward deviation of child support.

I just can’t think there isn’t a way around getting some college costs paid for your child, esp if the father is a professional, knows the value of a good education and “promised” the kids he would pay for their college (Of course not in writing)If I had any idea this was going to happen (husband leaving and legally not responsible for college) I would have begun to set up some saving plan. I know not to get the kids involved in the marital finances but the 18 year old knows dad said he will not pay anything towards college bc he now has too many bills. It is just not fair to the kids, just bc they are 18, they are not enjoying the standard of living they are accustomed to (which is getting a college education) Why should a 18 year old go into debt for his parent’s mistakes