BDSM/Kinkyness in Family Law


#1

Hello,

My ex husband’s parents have filed for custody of my two daughters citing, among other things, that I expose my children to an unsafe sexual environment. They alledge that I participate in BDSM, bondage, discipline, and sadomasochism and that I exposed my daughters, ages two and three, to topless photos of myself on my computer. My fiance and I have participated in some kinky-ness in our bedroom, behind closed doors, and never EVER while the girls are home. He’s considerably older and has some impotent issues, so we were experimenting with something that would be pleasurable for both of us. We don’t participate in sadomasochism at all, but we did do some bondage and D/s play. Also, we’re monogamous and never ever bring people to our home. Any adult novelties/toys that we have are locked in a suitcase with a padlock on it, again, we make extreme efforts to ensure that the girls don’t stumble upon them ever. There was a time when I had posted some pictures of myself on a fetish social networking site, mostly facial shots, but about five or six of me in bondage and partially nude. I have taken them down, however, and they were never exposed to my children.

Does anyone have any idea of what the law states about those who are a bit kinky behind closed doors? Is there any argument that my attorney can make based on the fact that I believe that as parents, we’re all sexual by default, and that what goes on behind closed doors and that is not affecting the children shouldn’t be strung all over the courts just to be spiteful? The ex husband is standing behind his parents’ attempts to gain custody because he’s on probation and knows that if they have custody, he won’t have to pay child support. This enrages me!

Any help would be appreciated. Again, I’m not sick or disgusting or anything like that. I’m a psych major and am even considering med school or graduate school. I just feel that just because I’m kinky doesn’t mean I’m a bad parent. Any ideas?


#2

The law does not specifically address your situation. The argument your attorney should use is the argument you present, that you have never exposed your children to these, or any sexual activities you participate in.