Can I make him let me see them?


#1

ok First things First I have court ordered visitation with my kids every 1st and 3rd weekend of each month, rotating holidays, and every other week in the summer. For the past year and a half my ex has refused to let them visit. Every time I ask I am told that I can drive an hour to their town and sit at a restaurant to visit my kids for a couple of hours and return home without them. They are 11 and 12 years old and I can hear the distance in their voices when I talk to them now. It’s almost as if they are becoming numb to whether or not they even see me at this point. The ex has money due to the person he married and I am not as fortunate in that respect. He blames the fact of not letting them visit on my present husband who he claims has a drug problem (which is an absolute untruth) He has told my children that we are drug users and now they are scared to come to my home even though there is no basis to his claims. Due to the fact that we are barely getting by I do not have the resources to travel the 1 hour trip on a constant basis and I also (obviously) do not have the resources to fight him in court. What can I do as a non custodial parent? Or do I have to just swallow this and accept it? My children are my heart and this is the most horrible thing I can imagine any mother to go through next to having something terrible happen to their child…are there any options for me at all?


#2

first if you have court ordered visitation - you should be getting your kids…especially if it is home visits with you…if the ex is not allowing you to have your visitation - then they are in contempt of the court order for denying you visits. You can take them to court for a show cause order for violating the court order. Judges don’t look to highly on people that violate there orders…I have been there with my husbands ex and she denied him his visitation with is son…also read over your order to see if there is a law enforcement provision that will allow law enforcement to get involved when you are denied visits…this provision is not usually included us less it is standard in some judges decisions…we have it in our order and it has come in handy for us one time … when denied visit but the next year - officers stated it had to be law enforcment privision up to the point of arrest…which if denied visit would be arrested…so it didn’ work then. so if you are being denied visition the ex is in the wrong and can not keep you from your kids. Especially at the ages they are …my step son is 12 and he needs our guidance so much now. Check with your clerk of court office to see if this can be done pro se (yourself) or you will need to get a lawyer. The ex wants to be in control. Unless the courts prove you and your spouse to be unfit parents…they can not deny you visitation on their own…it would have to go before a judge.


#3

Your ex cannot deny your court ordered parenting time. The police do not have to have a “law enforcement” clause in order to act. Take your custody orders to the police station. With orders, the police CAN act! Go to legal aid and see if you can get someone to represent you. If not, it’s fairly simple to file a contempt charge yourself. Your ex is in contempt of the custody orders. He cannot call the shots nor tell you that you have to have visitation in a restaurant. Call him, email him and tell him you are going to get your children according to the orders. Then, go and get the children at the appointed time. Take a deputy with you!!!


#4

Just wanted to add to what the others have posted here…you and the ex should be dividing the travel by either meeting halfway, which is likely not to happen until something is done about his denying visitations, or by you picking up from his house and he picks them up at the end of visitations. This is fair and the courts will likely tell your ex, unless there’s something in the custody order about travel expenses, that the travel must be shared.
I would go ahead and try to have that brought up in court if/when you get there so that there’s not another battle.
He’s likely to tell the court that he has not barred your visitations since he has offered to let you come there to visit, but that offer was knowingly not something that you could/would do. I suggest getting a recorder for your phone to record his “offer” and subsequent conversations about custody and visitations.
Your ex can not withhold visitations without sound proof of you being a danger to the children and even then he’s still in violation of the court order. The local authorities can get involved since they have the right to enforce court orders. Please do not let this continue. The longer the situation remains as is, the more difficult time you will have convincing the court that you want your visitation…and it will more difficult on your children to alter their routine…


#5

[quote=“stepmother”]Just wanted to add to what the others have posted here…you and the ex should be dividing the travel by either meeting halfway, which is likely not to happen until something is done about his denying visitations, or by you picking up from his house and he picks them up at the end of visitations. This is fair and the courts will likely tell your ex, unless there’s something in the custody order about travel expenses, that the travel must be shared.
I would go ahead and try to have that brought up in court if/when you get there so that there’s not another battle.
He’s likely to tell the court that he has not barred your visitations since he has offered to let you come there to visit, but that offer was knowingly not something that you could/would do. I suggest getting a recorder for your phone to record his “offer” and subsequent conversations about custody and visitations.
Your ex can not withhold visitations without sound proof of you being a danger to the children and even then he’s still in violation of the court order. The local authorities can get involved since they have the right to enforce court orders. Please do not let this continue. The longer the situation remains as is, the more difficult time you will have convincing the court that you want your visitation…and it will more difficult on your children to alter their routine…[/quote]

I have tried repeatedly and the police will not even come to his house as it is a “domestic issue” He also tells me that the drama of all of that when I have physically tried to go and get them is just upsetting to the kids and hurting them. I have even showed up at sports events that happened on my weekends to get them and was told that they have a “commitment to their team” and they cannot go with me after the games are over. I have no criminal record…I’ve never been arrested I am a good mother. I don’t understand how this can happen.


#6

Your ex does not have the right to deny you visitation, and he must follow the order as written. You may file a motion to have him held in contempt, on your own, or with the assistance of legal aid.
As for the travel issue, his responsibility to do any of the driving will depend on what the order dictates with respect to travel and expense sharing.


#7

You need to document all your attempts to the best of your memory, keep a journal or calendar of events and get that recorder for your phone. Keep calling and keep requesting your court ordered visitations from your ex. Call every day if necessary. Make sure to document each time and his response if you do not get the recorder. RadioShack carries a model that is very simple to use and not detectable. As long as you are both in NC it is admissable in court. Gather as much documentation as possible and find either the means to file against him, or legal aid.

If he begins blaming you for the drama, remind him that if he were following the court order instead of using the children to punish you, there would be no drama. The children are the ones suffering in this situation. They are suffering because you are not being allowed time with them…they are being used, and they are being put in the middle of a battle that has little to do with their best interest.
Just my opinion, but commitment to family is a priority over a commitment to anything else…


#8

File a show cause. This is contempt of court. You CANNOT and should NOt be denied your parenting time! GO GET YOUR CHILDREN according to the ORDER!