Changing visitation

If your husband has court ordered visitation and his ex is denying this he should go to her house with his court order in hand and ask to pick up his child. If she refuses he should call the police. She is in contempt of a court order.

I called the police and they said they would not get involved that I would have to hire an attorney. My husband spoke with his daughter last night for two hours and it was the worst thing I have ever had to sit through. She said she doesnt like me and she doesn’t want to be around me because I make her wash her hair when it’s greasy, I tell her to pull up her pants all the time, She wants her clothes to be tight and I buy them too big and because I have a I hate Carolina Panthers sticker on my car and her family are all Carolina Panthers fans. She spoke to him in a manner that was so awful I cried. It was awful

I am sorry to hear that this is your situation. Keep in mind that if he goes to pick up his child WITH the court order the police can get involved. They will tell you that they can’t get involved because they do not want to but if they are called to the residence, with the court order physically in hand, they are required to assist in some way.
Edit: I may be wrong about them being required to assist but I do know that they are able to enforce a court order. Calling them on the phone is not the same as calling them out to a residence to enforce the order.
As far as the situation with your stepdaughter, I should tell you that she does not have a choice with the visitations. Her mother can not allow her to NOT visit just because no one likes you. About the things she said, your husband needs to stand up for you and make his daughter understand that though she may not like you, you are her step mother and should be respected as an adult. If that is truly her opinion of you then she has let it be known and that should be the last time that she expresses her opinion of you. He should let her know that you are there in his life and that it’s alright if she doesn’t like you but she better make the best of this situation because it’s not going to change. He needs to do this now because if he doesn’t put a stop to it…it will only get worse.
This is just my opinion but you are not torturing her and are not being excessively mean. What she said about you, I understand that she hurt your feelings but she is still a child. Children can be ugly and cruel and they don’t understand how much it hurts us sometimes. Let her know that you still care about her regardless of the way she feels. If she doesn’t like the way you buy her clothes then don’t buy her any more. She should bring clothes with her for her visit and take them home when she leaves. You can have an emergency change of clothes and some essentials but the clothes buying I would leave to her mother.
Save yourself some grief, trust me. I love buying clothes for my stepsons but they don’t like what I buy because it’s not ripped, torn, stained or too big. It drove me crazy and hurt my feelings to spend so much money for clothes they wouldn’t wear. So when their mother called my husband to gloat that “Mother knows best”, I simply quit buying clothes for them and if I do buy it’s cheap and junky looking. I keep a couple of nice jeans and shirts for them but overall, I’ve quit worrying about what they wear or look like. It saves me a great deal of anxiety…now I just have to quit being embarrassed to go anywhere with them.[:I] But I’m working on that.

Sorry that this is so painful for you but an 11 yr old is pretty immature. I’d take everything with a grain of salt and back of the pseudo parenting like telling her to wash her hair and pull up her pants - let her father do that. She doesn’t like you because you’re not her mother and she is angry and confused about her feelings and emotions and it sounds as though she also hates to be told “no”. Let your husband be the “bad guy” and support you with reminding his daughter, as stepmother said, that you are his wife and deserve her respect. We had similar issues w/ my stepdaughter when she was about 14 and went through counseling. The counselor recommended we treat each other politely - he recommended she treat me like one of her teachers. The temptation is to try too hard, but trust me, that will come back to bite you.

You CAN get the police involved like stepmom said. My ex husband and I have been apart since my daughter was 7 months onld… the frist 7 months of her life he spent deployed to Iraq, and when he came home he moved out, didnt want “a family” anymore, (had some serve ptsd). He has seen her a “total” of two times, despite having a visitation rule of the 1st and 3rd weekend of ever month. The first time he saw her was May 5th 2006 and the next time was April 4th 2007. Now since I became acustom to him not being around, I stopped waiting for him on his weekend, he never called to say he was coming to get her, so I quit packing a bag for her etc. On Apirl the 3rd he said he was taking her to VA for Easter (4 days total) and I said “No” he hadnt seen her in a year at all, not even for a second, and I am all she knows. Well it was not only his weekend, but also his easter… And sure enough the police got invovled and let him tke her. It blew ,y mind and was the worst 4 days of MY life, but a court order is an order, they dont care if he drives a corvette and has 6 speeding tickets just in this year… They dont care if he doesnt know how to change a diaper, or if he doesnt know her allergies… So yes, the police can get invovled. They may have shrugged you off because you called. Send your husband to the station with the papers in hand and it’ll be a different story… Have him tell them the situation and they are going to tell him to call back if when he goes to the residence if the mother does not let him in… Bummer for me, but thumbs up for you.

head in a tizzy
Ms. Crystal

If she refuses to allow your Husband his court ordered visitation, you will need to submit a Motion and Order to Show Cause to the court. Then you will need to set this matter for hearing. At that time the court will find her in contempt and order her to comply with the order, or determine that there is a good reason for her not to comply with the order.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

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301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

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Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780


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Recently my step daughter who is 11 started a myspace account which we discussed with her mother because you are supposed to be 14 and it contained some inappropriate material. Her mother refused to have her delete it so I reported her and they deleted her account because it is against the terms of service to be an underage user. Now because of this the mother called my husband and told him that although the court ordered visitation is from Friday after school until Sunday evening that he can only pick her up on Sunday morning till the evening. Can she do this ? Other than hiring an attorney which we really cannot afford do we have any other legal options like filing papers ourselves??