Betrayal in a marriage always hurts, and it’s not right. BUT there are many different aspects of this. Whether it be Constuctive Abandonment on one person’s part, unhappiness, ‘stuck’ in an unhappy marriage, ‘looking for a fling’…there are many reasons.
When you are unhappy in a marriage, and you try to get out, yet the other spouse will not cooperate in letting that happen (won’t sign papers, threatens abandonment, puts guilt trips on you about kids…) it is hard.
Marriages end for many reasons. I do not believe a healthy and loving marriage would succomb to adultry. There is usually ALWAYS a reason a person strays. Those reasons are very varied. Can a marriage survive adultry? Sure…but it takes a lot of work. Sometimes, the marriage is better off with the spouses apart.
I read all of these and I agree marriage is a promise a commitment. You have to work at it but it takes 2 to make it work. My husband and I were married for 10 years before he cheated. To my knowledge things were fine, he treated me great, we got along, spent time together,no problems in the bedroom etc… Then one day out of the blue he said he wasn’t sure he wanted “this” anymore. Total shock for me then later I found out about the affair with my “friend”. Heard conversations where he told her he loved her and his heart wouldn’t change. How can you say that when you claimed to love someone so completely for years then all of a sudden don’t. He still “loves” me and is not sure he wants to “let me go”. I have tried to be understanding and take steps to work things out, he never has he has just gone on with his life acting like nothing ever happened.He loves me completely one day then not the next. Now two years later i have found out he hasn’t let either one of us go. And I’m still unsure of what happened to our marriage and so is he but alot of pain and heartache later I have decided to take the decision of what he wants and make it for him. Wish I could understand how people change so much overnight just goes to show you never really know anyone.
Crafty, are two situations sound a lot alike. 8 months ago my wife and myself could not have been happier. Today she has left me and has “gone on to greener pastures”. She says she has not been happy for 5 years but why not tell me then so maybe we could have had a chance. Both of my sons are taking this very badley. She took my 10 yo and left my 14 yo at home when she left while I was at work. She has been talking to someone else but I don’t know now if that is what is going on or what. She had severe post partum depression after the birth of our youngest son. Could this be an issue now?
quote:[i]Originally posted by heavyd48[/i]
[br]Crafty, are two situations sound a lot alike. 8 months ago my wife and myself could not have been happier. Today she has left me and has "gone on to greener pastures". She says she has not been happy for 5 years but why not tell me then so maybe we could have had a chance. Both of my sons are taking this very badley. She took my 10 yo and left my 14 yo at home when she left while I was at work. She has been talking to someone else but I don't know now if that is what is going on or what. She had severe post partum depression after the birth of our youngest son. Could this be an issue now?
Please help
Yes our situations do sound alike. My boys are 6 and 11yo both having a hard time. My husband also used the excuse of not being happy for years but later said he didn't mean that, it was just an excuse. Not knowing your wife it is hard to say but if I had to guess I would say there was someone else involved I don't believe people change over night and that drastically unless theres another factor. I don't think post partum depression lasts that long but not sure, it could be some form of depression though. I have talked to counselers about my situation and many have thought there may be a depression problem in my husband since his drastic change. I tried to get him to go to counseling with me but to no avail maybe you could have better luck. I wish you better luck than I have had!!
I think that my spouse has cheated on me. If physical evidence of this was brought home in a suitcase, is that evidence admissible, since I didn’t actually witness the event?
Our daughter just went through divorce. It was for infidelity. She was stunned to find out that her husband, whom she had known since she was 12 years old, a neighbor across the street, was gay and having affairs with other men. This had been going on for over four years of their not quite 8 year marriage. The last year he supposedly “fell in love” with the guy he was having the affair with. He was seeing him by, leaving early for work and stopping by his apartment, seeing him at lunch, and seeing him when he supposedly was going to the gym. The only time she knew they were together was when he claimed several of the friends he had were going out on “guys night out”. By together on this one, I mean, just as guy friends. There was no indication that he or the friend was gay. Her husband claimed he and the other guys were just helping this one get over a nasty divorce! Good excuse! The last year of her marriage, the husband started saying things like “I’d just like to die” or “I’m just not happy”, so we all thought maybe he was seeing a woman and using the guys as an excuse to get out. Well, not quite. He finally told her that this friendship with this one guy was the most important thing in his life. So she confronted him and after lieing to her and to a marriage counselor, he finally walked out. One night she found his love letters that he had hidden. She was stunned. He now lives with this guy and claims to be very much in love with him. He says none of this was for sex, that his homosexual relationship is more than sex. What do you think? My daughter, my husband and I say “hogwash”. His mother says he was born this way, and there’s no problem. She said he really thought that he could go have his gay relationships Monday through Friday, but then come home to our daughter and their 2 little boys and be a husband and father on the weekends. Again, “hogwash”.
Sassy -
I have a couple of family members that are gay and I do not believe that it’s a conscious choice. While I can’t speak for him directly and am not gay myself; I think that most people still believe that you are supposed to grow up, get a job, get married and have children, that’s “normal”. If by some chance you do not have those urges that are seen by society as “normal” then there is something wrong with you. You will hide it from everyone and even from yourself. I do also believe that society is becoming much more accepting of the realm outside “normal”.
I am not making excuses for cheating on a spouse. I have no patience for those that cheat. If you are so unhappy that you have to break a vow you made to God and another human being then you should have the human decency to leave BEFORE it comes to that. I would much rather my ex had left me before messing around on me, breaking my heart, and risking my life with disease. I am, however, saying that I am sure that your ex son-in-law did not do this specifically to hurt your daughter or their children. Think about it in this aspect; if he’s unhappy enough to talk of suicide what would it have done to everyone involved if he had decided that he couldn’t deal with it anymore? Would he have been better off to stay married, knowing in his heart that he could never love your daughter the way he should? Granted he should have left before having affairs, but in my opinion that’s true in ANY marriage. Would it hurt less if he had not already been sleeping with the someone else? Don’t think of it in terms of homosexual or heterosexual, he’s still human. It’s the same feeling and emotions. It may be more humiliating because he’s homosexual but it doesn’t change the situation.
As far as this not being about sex… it’s probably about sex as much as any affair is. Some are strictly about sex, like my ex’s and some are about everything else. Companionship, compatibility, and intimacy. Basically anything that you feel you are not getting at home.
Many, many of my clients have cheated on their spouse. Sometimes it has everything to do with their own husband and/or wife, but most often it does not. Sometimes my clients find themselves in marriages where they have changed over the years in different ways from their spouse. Any comments?
Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Divorce
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607 RosenDivorcecom
919-787-6668
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.
You are a real trooper! Your husband cheated on you. He wants a divorce from you. And given all this, you are concerned about his wellbeing with his new affair partner. Unless I’m reading this incorrectly, you are truly too good for this man.
So true. Marriage seems like a dying institution. Miss the days I witnessed, such as my grandparents holding hands after 50, 60 years together. Where did we go wrong? Social Networking and smartphones aren’t helping much, according to the “experts”.