We both have been unfaithful


#1

Dear pharma:

Greetings. What are you trying to learn with the PI and why? If you are trying to learn that she uses drugs or something, that may be relevant for custody. If you want to learn she is cheating because you make more than her, but you have also cheated, then it does not matter because when you both cheat the court just goes back to looking at how much alimony and for how long. That is the best help I can give you. Thank you.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#2

Well my questions I guess is if I was to prove she was cheating now would that make a difference for alimony or custody? I am not cheating at all anymore but I do know she is still involved. Would the past issues be brought up and make it a mute point anyways? She has been caught several times in the past. Am I just asking for everything to be brought up if I were to use that for say more custody? I do make more than her for your info…


#3

Dear pharma:

Greetings. Yes, it would make a difference in alimony, as long as she does not have evidence of your infidelity. If you go to court though, she will ask about your faithfulness and you will have to testify honestly, so it may not make a difference. It is up to you how much use it will make. Will it be cheaper to pay her some alimony or to pay the attorney fees to litigate the matter?

She has condonned your prior fault, so it won’t be brought up, but her prior fault may be able to be brought up again because she is cheating now and therefore the doctrine of recrimination may apply.

Cheating may not have any bearing on custody, unless it directly relates to the children. For example, if she is introducing this new guy as “your new daddy” or if the new fellow has a drug problem that you can document - then it would be relevant. Best of luck.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#4

Background: I am the husband and have a young child. Married 4 yrs. We both have been unfaithful in the past and both have been caught. We went to counseling and it helped to some degree but we both deal with trust issues obviously. I am certain that she is back to cheating and I also have not been faithful and for the most part we have stuck it out or overlooked feelings for various reasons. My question is I know its time to leave and end it. I admit because of the various things lacking I have not been faithful and if I were to pursue more info on the things I know about her I am 100% sure I will confirm what I already know and that she is doing the same. I want to be fair about it but do I start to collect the info I am finding out about…Hire a PI? I have ended my affair and want to be clean. What are your thoughts and counseling I feel will not help. I have done it with and by myself. I just know its time to leave the marriage. Do I use a PI and confirm what I believe to be true or just say feelings have changed and let her know my desire to leave. I want my fair share of custody and all around just be fair. We both with digging could find something on each other.

Thanks!