We are so confused! Wife was cheating


#1

Dear Amma:

Greetings. First, I do not normally read such long posts, but once I started I could not stop. I kept thinking that at some point I was going to see where he had retained an attorney, but lo and behold…I never saw that statement. So, I am going to tell you that OF COURSE he is getting hammered in the court system. He does not have an attorney to help him.

My advice is that he and his loving family scrambles to obtain attorney fees and immediately set an alimony hearing (which will end the PSS because her cheating will come out). He also needs to set child custody for the same day (which he can do as the child custody of the district court can modify the domestic violence restraining order).

Your son must stop acting like a rug, hire an attorney, and start getting what is rightfully due to him. Thank you.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Divorce
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

ROSENDIVORCE.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#2

He does have an attorney, I did state that later in the first post. I am sorry I said so much, but I had to tell the whole story! He has paid him $ 2,000.00, with no avail. Yesterday in court, the judge did not let his attorney speak or us or him. That is what I am saying why is nobody listening to him and why can’t all this mess be brought out about her? There is a custody case set for July 20. At this point and time, we do not feel like he has any kind of chance. It has all been so unfair.
Thanks for your reply.


#3

Dear Amma:

Greetings. Time to change attorneys then. I personally do not know any attorneys that would handle a post separation support or child custody matter for only $2,000.00. Yes, attorney fees can be a bit daunting, but they are necessary when parties are in court. What you pay to a good attorney will usually be returned to you through their good work. Thank you.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Divorce
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

ROSENDIVORCE.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#4

Is there any way the case heard on Tuesday for The PSS can be appealed and facts be known that she was having an affair before he left. His attorney told him that the judge did not even have to grant us a hearing at all??? All they are seeing are the Dosmestic Violence Charges that were not true (that was not even given the chance to be heard with witnesses either)(He was just convicted of it)
This needs to stop. he should not have to pay her this money until July!! Is there anything that can be done??
Thanks!


#5

Dear Amma:

Greetings. The best way to resolve everything is to have the alimony set and hear that as soon as possible. Thank you.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Divorce
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

ROSENDIVORCE.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#6

Well, we went to court on the 20th of July. She was trying to go out of state and got on the stand and begged for her life. The judge talked to the daughter and would not lether leave the state or change anything about the custody or PSS. It had to be reviewed in 9 months, with him having to go to counciling for himself and with his daughter. Also the daughter can not be at nay place there is smoking because she said she has asthma which is a lie. Anyway, on July 28 she calls him and tells him he can have the daughter and she is leaving to move out of state, for him to contact his attorney and have the papers drawn up. So today, his attorney, her and her attorney appear before the same judge and this is what has happened. He has gotten custody of his daughter. That is a GREAT thing! But, he has to pay her PSS for six months, he has to pay 1/2 of the airplane tickets 4 times a year to send his daughter to her, at Spring Break, during the summer, and at Thanksgiving, and at Christmas, he also still has to go to counciling! So…what is up with this?? To us the judge is not seeing the whole picture. This mother is giving up this child!!! She is the one leaving! She is the one that could not wait another nine months to leave this state!! We need some advice. Can this be appealed? When we went to court on the 20th, we never got on the stand. The judge never heard any side of his story. The judge listened to her only. She was questioned by her attorney for several hours and then by his attorney for 30 minutes, then we broke for lunch, then it was over. I have never heard of a case where both sides were not heard. We had concrete poof that she had enn having an affair and nothing was ever heard about it!! What can he do???


#7

SOUNDS LIKE HE NEEDS A NEW ATTORNEY, HAS HE EVEN MADE A PROPOSAL, SINCE SHE WANTS TO LEAVE HE SHOULD HAD SEND HER A PROPOSAL BEFORE COURT STATING, HE GETS HIS DAUGHTER AND HE PAY NO PPS NOR CHILD SUPPORT AND IF SHE WANTS TO SEE HER SHE WILL SEND A ROUND TRIP TICKET.IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE REALLY DOESN’T WANT THE CHILD SO WHY WOULD HE EVEN CONSIDER PAYING HER IF SHE IS NOT GOING TO HAVE HER, AT THIS POINT HE HAS NOTHING TO LOSE, IF YOU SEND A REALLY GOOD PROPOSAL SHE WILL MORE THAN LIKLEY ACCEPT OR IF SHE REFUSE YOU WOULD AT LEAST HAVE SOMETHING YOU CAN PRESENT IN COURT SAYING THAT YOU TRIED TO COME TO A REASONABLE AGRREMENT, INSTEAD OF YOU TAKING EVERYTHING THEY THROW YOUR WAY. IT SEEMS AS IF HES LETTING THEM DO WHATEVER THEY WANT.


#8

Your son has his daughter now. I’d personally be content with that. And there’s nothing wrong with counseling … in fact it probably is a really good idea that he has an objective 3rd party to talk to so he can get some guidance on how to deal with his wife on future issues so she can’t continue to push his emotional buttons. And after what his daughter has been through I’m sure it will be helpful to her as well. Having gone through so much myself here’s a word of advice to the family members … do NOT throw fuel on this fire and look for ways to keep things riled up. Help your son and his daughter adjust to their new life together. I’d be so happy that this woman is gone that I wouldn’t even try to think of starting any action that might actually entice her to return to NC for a court battle. Sometimes the best strategy is to cut your losses and be grateful for the things that HAVE worked out to your advantage. God Bless and take good care of that precious child.


#9

Thanks! I feel that way too. But now with school starting, him having to get a new place and still having to give her money it is hard! But we do have the child, We got her for good today!! Everyone is excited. I just wish she did not get away with so much and he is still having to suffer and struggle!


#10

</font id=“size4”>Anyone caught in a similiar situation should learn several lessons from this tale of woe.

    • If your spouse is cheating on you, step one is to get the best attorney available. You don’t leave the home. You don’t get into a pissing contest. You protect your assets, gather evidence, and above all, stay cool! Years of being a great spouse can be wiped out by one instance of threatening behavior.
  1. Some (few) judges make rulings according to their beliefs, which many times go outside the law, and certainly outside the bounds of common sense. All of this talk about justice in America is a crock! If we had a system which would punish a judge after a certain number of improper rulings, we possibly could approach some form of true justice. Does it make any sense for an appelate court to overturn a decision, then send it back to now very ill judge? The rules should be the same no matter what attorney represented a client, nor should it matter if they were from a particular county, or even state. If there is even a hint that one party wasn’t able to present their case, the trail should be sent back to a new judge.

  2. We should have laws to protect the faithful and hard working spouse. I’m sorry if the courts would be tied up, but why should a partner in a small business have more rights than a spouse who has devoted their life to a marriage. The same contract rules should apply. A breach in the contract should favor the offended party.

  3. It shouldn’t be so easy to get married. Marriage is more than love and devotion. It’s also a business, a partnership which carries specific obligations. Maybe it should be required that couples be required to go through consoling prior to marriage, so each party could see their problems before tying the knot.

There has to be a better way, because the way we do it now surely isn’t working.

Twiceloser


#11

Dear Amma:

While I am not prophetic, it sounds to me like he received almost everything he could want. He pays only for six (6) months. He has his child full time. He pays for half of the traveling expenses, not all. This sounds like a win to me, even if he still has to go to counseling. Counseling should be seen as a gift to himself to constantly improve, not punishment. Thank you and good luck.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#12

Well, we have since found out that she is living with the guy she had the afair with. Supposedly she is living with her mother so she says, but by accident we found out the forwarding address she left when she moved away which is his.
She has gotten the most expensive airline ticket she could and refuses to change the flight and save them both over 200.00. The court papers state that they work together to minimize the expense. We found tickets leaving a day earlier for much less money but she will not change. She did not contact the Child Support Enforcement or The Social Services of her moving therefore he can not get any help from Social Services until her case is closed. He will probably not qualify for any help from them but it is worth a try. He is paying 250.00 a month for Hospital Insurance and has been for over a year and we find out that the ex wife had Medicaid on the child also and never used his insurance. He had paid out over 3,000.00. Seems to me she was supposed to notify Social Services of the change in Insurance. He had to go to Child Support to get the support stopped from coming out of his check which took almost a month so therefore he is out almost 300.00.
I read somewhere that a spouse would not qualify for Post Seperation Support if they lived with someone.
He no longer lives with us. It was the right thing for him to get a place for he and his daughter, but the bills (lights, rent, groceries, car insurance, post seperation support, insurance, and airplane tickets) are much greater than the money he makes. He is struggling.
It is not fair that he have to pay her post seperation support. She is not working (that we are aware of)living with the guy who she had the affair with, lying to her attorney and us, and still getting everything to go in her favor. Naturally he can not hire an attorney to get any of this resolved. Could we send a letter to soemone and present our case. He is doing everything he is supposed too. It is not fair. She is still tormenting the family. It is so unfair for all of us. We have to sit back and watch him struggle.
What can we do? Is there any hope? Thanks!!!


#13

If she is living with a male, PSS, alimony, or SS are terminated. Doesnt he have an attorney? He should be able to just stop paying.


#14

She is living with a male. We do not have 100% proof except for a forwarding address that is not her mom’s where she is supposed to be ans is telling everyone she is staying.


#15

Dear Amma:

Hire a private investigator to follow her for approximately one week and get the information you need. If you need the name of a good one, please let me know. I know that we have some links under our referral section.

Once you have the information of her cohabitation, then you can stop paying. If you have more questions on what information you should request and receive, please let me know. Thank you.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#16

About 8 months ago my son and his wife seperated. She made his life miserable until he finally left. They have a daughter who is 8 years old and he refused to leave without his daughter. So his wife packed up the child’s clothes and he left. He is living with us now. After the seperation my son found out that his wife had been having an “internet” affair with an old friend from school and in less than two weeks after he left the residence the guy was here from out of state with her and has since been visiting very regularly. My son has concrete evidence that this had been going on for months before he left. They had been married for ten years. She (his wife) never had to work, he provided for her and her other children by previous marriages all those years. All he wanted out of their marriage was his daughter. He left his house and home and gave it all to her. He had his daughter and that was all that mattered. He took his daughter to his wife for her to keep during the day while he worked. Things were working out great. He was beginning to register her in a new school, had bought new clothes, and set up after school care. After about a month, his wife decided not to let him have his daughter one day when he went to pick her up after work. She told him until he gave her a divorce he could not have her back. He was very angry and beat on her door trying to get her to open it and let his daughter out of the house. His wife claimed that he damaged the door and deck and terrorized the children and she called the law. Later that night, his wife called and tells him, if he would draw up a paper stating stating that they had been seperated for one year and turn over his vehicle and have the paper notarized that he could have his daughter back. He had the paper drawn up and had it set up to meet her to get this done. He contacted the Sherriff’s Department to accompany him to her resident and someone urged him not to sign that paper. He would be lying and he could get in a lot of trouble if he did and anyone found out it was a lie. So he did not sign it. His wife got very angry. A couple of days went by and he was devastated over the loss of his child. Family members and friends talked to the Sherriff’s Department and other people and the only resort he had was to get his hands on his child and take her from her mother. Possesion is 90% of the law. So he and his mom trick his wife into getting the child. He gets his child in his arms and his wife basically attacks him and pulls and hurts the child. All he did to her was try to keep her off his daughter and pushed her to the ground. He leaves with his daughter and within three hours his wife had papers taken out for Domestice Violence. She claims he choked her, and beat her in the head, No marks or evidence were on her body anywhere but they arrest him. He spends the night in jail, the court issues a temporary order of custody to the mother and visitation to my son. There were 4 witnesses to the so-called assault and pictures taken of bruises and slap marks put on my son and his daughter from the mother. He went to court for Domestic Violence and was convicted of it, without questioning any witnesses, or looking at any evidence. He has had visitation with his daughter every other weekend and every Wednesday after School. he pays almost 300.00 a month for Child Support and 250.00 an month for hospital insurance that is taken out of his pay check every week. His wife and her attorney has now called him into court for “Post Seperation Support” and Custody. He had to fill out a financial statement listing his income and what he pays out. By the end of the month he has nothing left. But in A North Carolina Court today the judge ordered him to pay his wife 200.00 a month. She does not work, well she keeps 2 children in her home. That is the extent of what she does. So now he is sending 500.00 to her and paying an astronomical amount for Insurance. the custody hearing is not going to be held until July, so for 5 months he has to pay her.
The deal is, she was the one that cheated on him while they were married, 'internet" or not. He has the proof that it was going on and has continually been seeing the guy since he left. She had posted Profiles on aol, match.com and other sites stating that she was single. Some of these sites had been set up as early as April. they did not seperate until June.
No one is listening. Everything has gone in her favor. He would have never left his house and home if he had not believed with all his heart that he was going to have his daughter. His wife packed the child’s clothes for goodness sake. It is unbelievable that a woman can do the things that she has and been so conniving and vindictive and do what she has done to him. The child wants to be with her daddy. Every weekend she cries when time to go home, and she is always counting down the hours that she is gonna have to go home. She talks about not wanting to go home and always wanting to stay with her daddy.
He has an attorney, but no one is listening to the attorney either. In court today regarding the PSS, his attorney, himself or no one in his family got to speak. No one has been able to testify or explain anything at any of the hearings. This just does not make sense. We are all at our wits end and so frustrated with the court system. I have never in my life seen a case invloving a child take such a turn.
His wife has lied her way through all of it. It is not fair. I think something needs to be done. No one is considering this child and what she wants. His wife is gonna try to leave the state of NC and go back where her family is. She has lived in NC for 15 years and seen her family possibly 3 or 4 times. The child is 8 years old and has seen this part of the family 2 times for a total of 14 days in her whole life. She has been raised here, gone to school here, the only family she really knows is here in NC. It is a shame that this is happening. It is more of a shame that no one is listeneing or caring what really happens. Some would say I may be partial because this is my son and my grandaughter, but I am not. I know the facts, I know how the 10 year marriage was. All she wanted was a piece of paper signed granting her a divorce. He would not do this afraid of getting into trouble. They had only been seperated a month. Now it has escalated to this. It is unbelievable. If he had his time to go over, he would have signed that paper and this would have ended before it started and she could have her divorce and have her new man. If you have any advice, please advise. I just had to say something.