Wife was cheating, we are so confused, continued


Someone please read and respond. Thank you


I understand your frustration completely. But, a PI is only like $50/hr. Have his family members each pay for 1 hour, and bust her.
It would probably take only a few hours of work. Well worth it if he is paying PSS or alimony.

As far as the phone calls go: YOU dictate to her when her daughter will be availabe to speak. Once a day is enough, no more. Set an exact time in writing (email is probably best). If she doesnt call at that time dont answer the phone.

Last, just be so thankful you have that little girl. She will never be able to get this time back with her. Remember that. GOOD LUCK!!


I didnt want to reply in your other post and delay a professional legal response. No, you do not need an attorney to file a motion to show cause. A better question may be: “How does someone file a motion to show cause without an attorney?” If you search this forum you will probably find an answer.


You can enforce an order without the aid of an attorney through a Motion to Show Cause which they have on the court’s website. I think it is a DOM form. This is all informtion I found out doing a quick “motion to show cause” search of the forum.(only took like 2 minutes) GOOD LUCK!!


Thank you for responding. I will look for the form for Motion to Show Cause. We are very thankful we have our grandaughter.
The mom is now threatning that if she does not receive all the money for tickets and PSS by the first of the month which is over $ 500.00 she is going to have Dad arrested. Communicating threats is what she is doing now. I mean what good would it do to have him locked up. Possibly all she can do is have in contempt of court. But if he can not pay the money what can they do. He has rent and food and all that to pay at the first of the month. For goodness sake she is driving us crazy. He is so stressed at this point and trying so hard to do the right thing.
We did set down an exact time for her to call, and she said we were also in contempt of court becuase that time was not convenient for her. So we are supposed to alter our lives to satisfy her??? Unbelievable!! I guess we will all be held in contempt! Obviously she is not considering the child.
It would upset the child sooooo bad if her daddy was to go to jail!
Thanks for the response. It helps to have someone to share this with and get some insight into what can be done!.


The form I found was a DOM form but for Wake County. This cases was not originally heard in Wake county. I looked for the for our county and it is not there? Should the form be good for all counties?


She cannot have him arrested, she will just have to file a motion to show cause too. Only the court can force him to get a phone, and he does live right next door to you does he not? That is phone access in emergencies :slight_smile: As for the phone calls, you really should work to find a convenient time, it will look best to the court if you do so. Did you ask her what SPECIFIC time would be convenient for her each day? If you at least ask, you are putting the ball back in her court, SHE is responsible for making sure she calls at the correct time that she specified each day.

I can sympathize with you about your feelings of being manipulated and used. The story of your son’s wife leaving him for an old flame with whom she communicated over the internet is eerily the same as my husband’s story… right down to the abandonment of their two children when the youngest wasn’t even two! My husband went through the same thing with his ex, and we are STILL amazed by her selfishness and irresponsibility each day, six years later. She seems to be angry at him for finding me and happiness, and the fact that we have a stable, loving family… why should she be so vindictive when SHE is the one who left so many years ago?! At least your son’s ex seems interested in keeping in contact with the daughter, and that will be CRUCIAL for her future self-esteem, my two step-chidlren struggle EVERY DAY with feelings of low self-esteem and unworthiness because she abandoned them and barely saw or spoke to them for two+ years. HER lie was more important, and the kids sensed it. So it is important to encourage the relationship between his daughter and her mother NO MATTER WHAT THE PERSONAL COST, no matter how much you grit your teeth and bear it, no matter how difficult it is for you to say nice things about this psycho witch. I struggle every day to make these two poor children feel loved and safe and secure, and while they may know in their heads that they are loved and secure and I would never leave them, in their hearts they are still so afraid of being abandoned. So no matter WHAT else you do, make it clear to hos daughter that her mother DOES love her, but Daddy wanted so much to have her with him that he would do anything to keep her here with him where she wanted to be.

BELIEVE ME, I KNOW how difficult it is to read these words right now, because we struggled with the bitterness and the anger too. The games, the manipulation, using the kids to get what she wanted, the living scott-free, not paying any child support… oh yes, we have been there.

I was wondering, would it be possible for he and his daughter to move back in with you, at least temporarily, or was it in the court order that he get a separate residence? If they could live with you, that might ease the financial strain just long enough for him to be able to afford a PI. I would strongly urge you to take Janet’s advice and hire one at all costs - if you are sure she is living with this guy then it would be worth it! As soon as his ex is stable in her new home she will likely fight for custody, so I understand your son wanting to establish a home. But for the SHORT term, perhaps living with you for just a few months would be a good option if possible. It would also solve the phone issue :slight_smile:

Also, as to the plane ticket, she just wants your son to send the money??? What is to say that SHE isn’t getting a cheaper ticket and keeping the difference? IS there an actual date that was agreed upon for the exchange, or is she truly not able to take the daughter a day earlier? If your son stays calm and reasonable, and insists that he is only sending half of the least expensive option (if it flies directly at a reasonable time) she may capitulate. She can bluster and glower all she wants, but her ONLY option is to go back to court and then SHE will have to explain to the court her reasons for needing the ticket on that day and why the cheapest option wasn’t good enough. And you should also NEVER send the money directly to her unless nothing else works… who says SHE is the one who buys the ticket, the court order??? If possible, arrange to pay half through a travel agent on a credit card or send a money order for exactly 1/2 of the fare MADE OUT DIRECTLY TO THE TRAVEL AGENCY. Find an agent who is accustomed to dealing with this type of situation, it happens all the time. She may also capitulate if he tells her this is what he is going to do.

Is a plane ticket the cheapest way to get the daughter there, or is it close enough to drive?

As for his address, she does has the right to know the physical address where her daughter is living unless there is a court order saying otherwise. Choose your battles.

He should NOT disobey the order for counseling!! That is a huge no no!! Start ASAP.

You all are still at the beginning of a very long road ahead. You have the next 10 YEARS dealing with this woman, and believe me the stress never ends. Choose your battles wisely, come up with the money at all costs, be grateful that you have your granddaughter [:D] and do what you all need to do to keep your heads. My best advice is to STAY CALM, STAY REASONABLE, never let her see she is frustrating you all or give her reson to think she has the upper hand. She does NOT have the upper hand. Your SON has custody, and she is just fighting for whatever control she can wrest away from him. Think about it… what does she actually control? [:0] Not much!! LOL

I would also recommend taping ALL phone conversations between your son and his ex, or any other adult (NOT the child!) from this point forward. If at all possible do ALL the communication beween the parents via email, especially if she is verbally abusive on the phone, and keep ALL communications short, sweet, factual and to the point. The GOAL is to eventually move beyond the control and manipulation issues and develop an OK parenting relationship…if possible… eventually… wry grin

Your son has WON. Keep that in mind :slight_smile: He has his daughter, the soon-to-be ex only gets PSS for six months, he only pays half the travel expenses… even the couseling is a positive for both of them. YOUR SON IS NOW IN CONTROL, and he has to calmly and rationally work with her as best he can. I KNOW how difficult it is, but keep everything factual and clear and it will work out for the best.

I am curious about child support being paid to him? Was that not settled? Unless there is some agreement or the ex has very young children, she will eventually be REQUIRED to work, and REQUIRED to pay child support. Does he have to go after her for child support, or was there an agreement about it?

You all have my support and my thoughts & prayers. God Bless!


Wow! Thanks! Your words mean a lot. He has to go after her for Child Support. She did not stop his child support when she left and they kept taking it from him until he went and told them she had moved. She lives too far away, we could not get her their any other way. All we need is the prrof she is living with this guy and her world would come to a great halt! I do not know how to do this. I have searched the address and know the guys name but have had no luck. Thanks for your kind words. They are very encouraging.


ConcernedStepMom</font id=“size6”></font id=“red”>…Can I possibly get an email address for you. WE have a lot on common and I truly enjoyed your post here. It helped me see things better.


Do you still need any advice? Please let me know exactly what your question is. Thanks

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


I started a new topic for all this. Thank you for your advice on hiring a private Investigator, but he can hardly buy groceries, let alone hire an investigator. I tried looking up the forwarding address the wife left when she moved out of state. We believe with all of our heart she is living with the guy she was having the affair with, but all I could find was his name in the same town. He does not have a listed number, and I can not find out whose name the cell phones they are using are listed in. It is hopeless, I am afraid. She has abandoned her daughter, living scott free, paying no bills or child support or anything and he is struggling everyday. All she has done is lied through the whole thing for over a year and things are still going her way. Can we file a Motion to Show Cause for a new hearing without an attorney? Something should be able to be done. He has no money. He is trying his best to support his daughter. We are all very thankful we have our grandaughter with us here and she finally gets to stay with her daddy where she wanted to be all along. The court said she could not leave and take her daughter out of state and the case would be reviewed in nine months. One week later she decides she is going to leave, gives up her daughter, and she leaves. He signed the papers drawn up by her attorney, because all he wanted was his daughter (he never appeared before a judge that day or heard anything)Just like always, his side was never heard by the judge. As far as we are concerned he was sold out by his attorney, her attorney, and her. They all knew all he wanted was his daughter and was willing to do anything. Now, the wife is being outrageous. Nothing is ever worked out or discussed between the two of them, she makes all the decisions, calls all times of the day or night to speak to the daughter, has demanded that he get a phone which he can not afford (he lives next door to his mom now, so he has access to the phone), within 1 day after he had moved to his house she demanded that he give her his new address. Like I said he lives next door to his mom, she knows where he lives, she has been there before. She called the Sherriff’s department in our county and had them go by his new home and get the address off of his mailbox. Within 1 day. Now he finds out that the forwarding address that she had changed at the post office before she left here is NOT her mother’s address…We are ready to explode. It was a mistake for us to find the forwarding address. She had no idea we would get that information. Why has’nt she reported that address to him??? I thought that maybe something was going to go in his favor, but NO, there is nothing he can do with the information, there again another lie she is getting away with. It is unbelievable. The daughter is happy and he is happy and we are very grateful for having the grandaughter, but the wife is making all of our lives a living hell, by dictating to us when she can call our phones, when the child has to talk to her or not. She thinks we should all STOP what we are doing, STOP going anywhere, STOP talking on our own phones, just so the child will be available to talk to her when she gets ready to call. SHE LEFT HER!!! SHE could have stayed another nine months until the case could be reviewed again. She was just ready to move in with this man she had an affair with while they were still married and could not wait. GOOD RIDENCE! Thank God she is gone. However, she is causing more problems and grief out of this state than she did while she was still in this state! it has to stop. What can we do??[:(][:(!][V]