stop listening to this guy. No Lawyer in their right mond would take a case like this, not would a reasonable judge let it fly. Aren’t the kids 1/2 his? The only thing he MIGHT get from you would be CS or SS and whatever ED works out to be. Child support varies with how many kids, who has custody, and other expenses. Spousal support is where he can get you with the adultry. But if he makes more than you do, it doesn’t factor so much in unless you were flagrantly rubbing his face in it. You are both entitles to a percentages of the assests as well as a precentage of the debts. Stand up and tell him, go ahead, take me to court. He’s trying to bully you. Even if it does go to court, the judge will look at what money you bring in, what money he brings in, who takes care of the kids… etc etc etc. I will say, you sound young and inexperienced and possibly taken his word for everything. It might be in your best intrests to get an attorney.
In a divorce you are responsible for 1/2 the marital debts. This would include the remaining amount on a mortgage but not expenses already paid such as dayacare expenses or past mortgage payments. You are also entitled to 1/2 the marital assets which would include 1/2 the equity in the home up to the date of separation, 1/2 the money in any savings or bank accounts.
I’m not sure what contract he is referring to that you have broken…It may be that he has grounds for alienation of affection or other suit since you had an affair but if you did not separate after he had knowledge of this then he in essence “forgave” the affair.
As far as open debt we have none. We have no credit cards, and about six months ago our house went into forclosure. His parents bought it, my name is not even on it. All of the belongings in the house from our five years of marriage besides what is in the childrens room came from his parents. I am fully prepared to move out. I do not want the house or most of the belongings. As far as a lawyer goes I dont know what to do becuase I do not have the money. I have three children. One with him that is five, and two others from a past relationhip one is eight and the other twelve. As far as the affair I never rubbed it in his face, he assumed a long time ago and I just recently admitted to it becuase he was saying so many things about it still going on and thats why I wanted out. But when you do not see yourself being there for the rest of your life why keep going, why not take what good things you have and move on. he does not see it that way and still wants his “family unit” as he calls it. Even if I dont love him he doesnt see why my lie has to affect the way we live.
There is nothing that is holding you together, then you can plan on leaving. Get your ducks in a row. You will need to discuss child support and visitation. In order to keep solid ground on custody, youshould have a stable environment for the kids. Be prepared for things to get ugly. From what you’ve said so far, he’s not the type to let go easily. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Pride is one thing, safety is another. Good Luck
Thank you.
Custody is the other thing im worried about. He says he is not taking visitations and that he is going to make sure I suffer for as long as he does.
I learned from my first boyfriend not to have things shared in name and I refused to get another credit card, even as a boyfriend for eight years alot of credit was damaged and I knew I was never going to do that part again. Maybe I set myself up for failure cuase i knew I couldnt trust.
Do you mean that you are going to have the child and he does not want to see her/him? That’s what I get from him not taking visitations. Or do you mean that he wants full custody and is not planning to let you have visits? Visitation is a privilage and do not have to be taken by either parent if they do not choose to see the child. One parent can NOT keep the other parent from visitation for any reason other than abuse. The court is the only power that can remove visitations. He can not keep you from your child. Reasonable visitation is usually every other weekend with a night or two in between. That is if joint custody is not agreed upon. Until custody is agreed upon or is court ordered, each parent has the right to 100% custody of the child. The best thing to do is to work out joint physical and legal custody with equal time now instead of spending all the money to take it to court. I do not believe from what you have said that there is enough reason for him to get primary custody over joint custody…just my opinion on that one though.
You will not be required to pay him back for the support he provided during the marriage and he will not be required to pay you back for the support you provided. Your marital estate will be divided based on any assets or debts you may have right now. If you are a dependent spouse you normally would have received alimony, but because you engaged in a sexual relationship outside of the marriage, the court will not be able to make an award of alimony. However, if you can prove that he condoned the affair, you can still seek spousal support. Child support will be awarded based on your respective incomes, without regard to the marital misconduct of either party.
Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.
I dont understand why he keeps telling me his lawyer says that he can sue me and that it will affect my visitations. Does he really hope his threats just keep me there? It worked a year ago and I have started thinking backwards this time but I am ready to move on.
I have not even thought about asking for alimony. I am the one not in love and i am the one that wants to have a life outside of being married. I want to be responsible for me and the children that I have brought into the world but I dont want to feel like the child anymore. I have told him that I dont want what is in the house or even the house itself (seeing he has brought that up cause he parents bought most of it). I just want to be fair with how visitations are settled.
By condoning the affair you mean what? That he knew what happened back then and didnt act on it at the time?
I believe that condoning the affair officially would mean that he had knowledge of it and has since had sex with you. This is from the home site: “The most commonly used of these defenses is condonation, which stands for forgiveness of the particular fault. For example, if your spouse has engaged in illicit sexual behavior with someone else and then you have sex with your spouse knowing about the illicit sex, in the eyes of the law you may have condoned the fault.”
And yes, he’s telling you that to keep you there. Especially if it worked in the past. At this point it makes no difference that should you stay it would not be because you loved him and wanted your marriage to work but because you were threatened…eventually, if you stay, he would realize this and resent you for it. I am sure that he is angry and hurt. Keep this in mind when you talk to him. It also sounds, to me at least, as though he is not used to not having control…
You say that you don’t want anything from the home or him since you are the one leaving, and while I applaud your generosity, keep in mind that you need to be able to start over. If you have assets from the marriage, they really should be divided, unless you are willing to leave with only your personal clothing and items and start over from there. You can always be generous when it comes to ED, but I would advise that you keep your rights to some of the marital assets, such as the bank accounts or retirement funds if there are any. Just something to think about…
It’s possible that his lawyer has told him that he can use your affair to get custody, but that normally has very little to do with custody any more. My husband’s lawyer told him that he would have no trouble getting custody since his ex was out partying all the time and living that lifestyle. In reality though it’s very difficult to prove that someone is unfit to have custody of their children if they are putting for even the slightest effort to care for them…If you have been the primary caregiver, then it’s very unlikely that you will lose custody. Not completely unheard of, mind you, but unlikely. It sounds as though you may end up with one of those ex’s that use the children to make you miserable. Regardless of what affect it has on the children. Hopefully, that will not be the case. Hang in there and keep us posted…
We actually have no funds together. We have no joint accounts the house is in his parents name, we didnt really invest in anything. that is why I was saying the general belongings can just go with him.
He just told me today that I am not leaving with my daughter. It is very devistating thing to hear. I dont know how else Im supposed to do this. i am still living in the same house. I have not gotten a lawyer yet but I found a place to move to but he says I can not take her with me. I dont want to leave without her. Am I supposed to just take her out of his hands I dont want her to see that.
To stepmother
I do not think that is all so with the custody of children its sometimes in the favor of the woman thats gets the children unless somthing happens to prove different in my case I should had have them but do to the fact she is a woman and of different color wow and the judge is aswell (but not a woman) what do you think the out come is?
It is half on and half off what a joke the children do not want to be with her and they know what she has done not from me but from what she does in front of them, children are not blind they can see and they know but what to do? well only time will tell
Thank you
If you had an affair the only thing that would impact for you is alimony, it will not have an effect on custody, unless you are still involved with the person and they are somehow dangerous to your child. Your spouse may sue a third party for alienation of affection, but that will not have a direct impact on you.
Until there is an an Agreement or Order in place you each have 100% right to custody, which means you can leave and take your daughter with you, but he can take her and not give her back. This creates a very damaging situation for your daughter. I would work with him to try and reach an Agreement on custody. If you cannot you can file a lawsuit for custody, in Wake County, if you file an action for custody you will need to go to court ordered mediation, many people successfully resolve their issues there, if not you can have a hearing and let a Judge make the decision.
Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.
I have recently told my Husband I want a divorce. I then confessed, even though he already knew, that I had previously had an affair. This affair is not the cuase of me wanting to leave. I asked him for a divorce a year ago, and he told me basically that I was nothing without him and I believed him. anyway back to my question Can he sue me for half of the money that he has put in to the marriage. Such as daycare expenses and morgage? He says that since I have broken the contract that I am expected to pay. Im a bit confused.