I am writing on behalf of my mother, who is a 68-year-old disabled heart attack survivor currently residing in here in Durham. We are seeking legal representation and feedback regarding a 50B Protective Order and potential divorce/equitable distribution situation.
My mother has been married to her husband for 44 years and been together for a total of 48 years, and the situation has escalated to a point where we believe her safety and life are in immediate danger. We have documented evidence of a pattern of coercive control, including:
- FIREARMS & INTIMIDATION: The defendant has immediate access to handguns. And we were told by my mom that he has discharged the firearm to intimidate her (a few years ago by shooting into the ground to scare her dog in the back yard which also scared the neighbor, and when asked about it he responds “he was only trying to scare the dog because he didm’t listen).
- ACTIVE ISOLATION: As of yesterday, her husband physically taped over the home’s Ring cameras, and this is the second time he’s done it. He has also cut off her access to the internet and television, now telling her “don’t touch my tv”.
- MEDICAL & FINANCIAL ABUSE: Despite my mother’s disability and heart condition, he has intentionally withheld funds for her life-sustaining medication and physical therapy. He got mad that she didn’t go when it was snowing outside back here in January He has also intentionally hidden her hospitalizations from our family to ensure she has no advocate, or won’t share information about what’s going on with her, and instead will just say “he got her, and is taking care of her”. Also she gets roughly $1600 a month in disability , and she buys groceries for the house with her money, and he will get mad and throw a fit because she buys groceries, and throws a fit when or if she attempted to try and cook. Then her money runs short every month and while get receives over $3K a month in social security, has a 401K and received a settlement. Its like he purposely starves her out of her money so he can dominate and control her, and manipulate her, to the point the few little bills she does try to pay, she can’t pay them because she doesn’t t have any money left, then things will get cut off like her phone unless she ask me for money, which she’s embarrassed to ask.
- DOCUMENTED GASLIGHTING: We have over 20 audio recordings documenting his verbal abuse, threats of illegal eviction, and psychological manipulation (testing her about her medications and denying threats he made minutes prior). He also recently got in her face and called her a lazy b*tch , and fu*k me and my 28 year old daughter which is my mom’s granddaughter.
- ALTERNATIVE HOUSING: The defendant owns a second home in Enfield, NC, which makes the request for “exclusive possession” of the Durham residence very practical for the court. He goes to the other house in Enfield NC which he was inherited, spent marital money on repairing, etc but she can’t even ask him a question about that home. The home in Durham is one they purchased together back in 1999 or 2000, which is now paid off, but he is determined and have repeatedly said he wouldn’t give her sh*t..
We plan to file for an Ex Parte 50B order at the Durham County Courthouse. We are seeking a lawyer who is experienced in cases involving elder abuse, coercive control, and financial misconduct, and who can represent her at the 10-day hearing. Given that the defendant has total control over the marital assets, we are also interested in pursuing an award for attorney’s fees because she literally has nothing but her disability. She had a car that ended up getting repossessed a few years back after he got mad at her for getting the car, and wouldn’t help her pay it when she got behind. He repeatedly gets mad if her family, including me come to visit for any extended period of time, which is clearly his way of keeping her isolated from her family and entire social circle.
I recently returned here to Durham to help care for her and him since they are getting older, and I had no idea all of this was going on until seeing it up close an personal. While I was there assisting her and being her caregiver, he told me I had until March 1st to get out of the house which I did without any arguments or resistance on my part. This last argument while she was losing her sister to a battle of cancer, and this is when he got in her face 2 days before her sister(my aunt) ultimately passed.
I know for fact and feel if she pursues this Protective order in which she needs, there is no telling what he will do at that point of being served because this will be the first time in his life that he has lost and had his obsessive controlling ways taken away. She has literally walked on eggshells for many many years we’ve learned. There are witnesses to this behavior including myself from growing up in the environment as a kid which ultimately made me leave home at an early age and not wanting to return. The same thing is with my daughter which is her grandmother.. This isn’t the second time he’s gotten in her face with threats, and intimidation tactics. She suffers from vertigo as well and its gotten worse here lately, and I personally feel her health issues are in direct alignment with him and this abusive behavior.. She called the police on him a few years ago due to an argument and him displaying threatening behavior, which the neighbor came over and he talked crazy to her.. I went online to try and see if I could find the incident report but was unable to.
Her fear and why she haven’t pursued this before is because she said she felt trapped. She felt like she had no where to go, and he repeatedly tells her “this is my house” despite the fact her name is on the deed as well, and she put the money down when they first got it, she was hit by a drunk driver back in 1997 which created this whole health issue dynamic, her back has been fused from top to bottom, and when she received her settlement around 1999 or so, she paid off his vehicles as well as hers, and paid to have and addition added on to the house..
There’s so much more that I could share, but I know I’ve shared enough here already. I’ve been doing much research on Idignities and Coercive Control, etc and would know if anyone could provide feedback on the strength of our evidence? She is currently at her sisters home temporarily until we figure things out.
Thank you for your time and assistance.