What kind of answer are you looking for? It may seem unfair, but in order for some parents to learn that child support is their responsibility the courts are forced to use drastic measures. If the amount of child support can not be met then a request for modification should be filed.
Uh, I believe the child support guidelines state transportation should be 50/50. If she is taking you back to court, I would make an effort to get that put in papers that she meets halfway. My hubby was doing all the driving until he ASKED his lawyer about this, and it ended up forcing her to do half the driving (believe me, she would not have done it unless she was forced). If not, then you should be entitled to some funds since you are doing all the extra driving. Believe me, in the LONG run of things, it will save you money!!
Because if he was doing or made any attempts of taking care of his child then he wouldn’t be locked up. But I bet he has nice clothes, shoe and probably a decent car, what does your child has?
The way this system works even if you file for “modification” the judge feels if you lose your job it doesnt even matter the amount should still stand. but some parents are doing thier best to raise two families. Thank you very much!!!
quote:
Originally posted by stepmother
[br]What kind of answer are you looking for? It may seem unfair, but in order for some parents to learn that child support is their responsibility the courts are forced to use drastic measures. If the amount of child support can not be met then a request for modification should be filed.
For one some of you don’t know what you are talking about my husband has to pay support for another child and that child mother is living very well while my child is not. so my child should suffer because his father lives with him.and no he does not have nice clothes and a nice car. My family can bearly pay the light bill, because all of his must of his money goes to child support.The other child lives very well. Now what do you have to say about that. THANKS!
quote:
Originally posted by FATHERDORIGHT
[br]Because if he was doing or made any attempts of taking care of his child then he wouldn’t be locked up. But I bet he has nice clothes, shoe and probably a decent car, what does your child has?
Well, now that there’s a little more information…Your initial post was a rhetorical question, meaning that there did not need to be an answer. Of course it doesn’t benefit the child or anyone when a father is put in jail for not having the funds to pay child support. It cost the taxpayers money, the father can’t work and the child can not have contact with the father.
No a judge does not care if you lose your job, or if you have to work two or even three jobs to pay child support. Child support guidelines base child support on both parents incomes, the amount of overnights with each parent, insurance costs, child care costs, and any other prior child support obligations. If one parent is found to be purposefully unemployed or underemployed then the courts have the right to base child support on the earning potential of that parent. If that is the case, then I personally do not believe that the parent has the best interest of their child at heart. To purposefully lower your own income just so that you do not have to pay so much to take care of your child would show that money is more important than the child. But that is my own opinion.
It would be the same amount of money if the parents were raising the child together only the amount wouldn’t be a set figure. You may spend only 1/2 the amount one month and twice that the second month.
It can be requested to have child support taken out of his paycheck before he gets it so that the company knows he has that obligation and it’s gets paid. This way the company would not have grounds to terminate his employment for this because it would essentially be the company’s responsibility to make sure that the amount is deducted from the paycheck and sent to the state. You could also continue to file for modification every month if necessary until the amount is adjusted. Just a suggestion.
jojo,
I understand your frustration at having your boyfriend/husband either threateded or actually placed in jail for failure to pay child support. But, I am a mother of a 13 year old boy whose father hasn’t paid child support (except to get out of jail) in two years. It may look like we are “living well” but that is because I am working two jobs. Yes, I am getting remarried, but that doesn’t negate my ex’s responsibility to our son. My fiance has two kids of his own who live with us and shouldn’t be resonsible for one that has a father who does what he wants when he wants to. My fiance has helped pick up the slack financially out of love, but in reality it isn’t his responsibility. I have not interfered with visitation (ex has son EVERY weekend) or spoken ill of my ex in my son’s presence. But is it right for the mother to pay for everything just because the father won’t/can’t? It takes more than one appearance before the judge to be placed into custody, unless there is contempt (not showing up or mouthing off, for example) involved. The state eill not file suit until there hasn’t been a payment for 90 days, except in extreeme cases. If there is a consistant effort shown, jail is a last resort. A parent makes a consious descion to the welfare of any possible child born of his or her actions. If he/she can’t deal with the responsibility of a child, then they shouldn’t concieve, accidental or otherwise. Life is about choices, if you don’t like the consequences, then don’t put yourself in that position.
jojo,
As the wife of a divorced man, who has FOUR children by prior marriages, I think I can speak as someone with experience.
Those other children - be it my husband’s four, or your husband’s one - were around loong before you, or your child were. He made a commitment and an obligation to take care of that child before you were ever in the picture. Therefore, just because he chooses to remarry and have another child doesn’t decrease his obligation to the first child. These are things you needed to think about before you married him and had a child with him. When you married him, you married his prior child, too. I don’t moan about having to pay 1/2 the cost for braces for two of my husband’s children. I don’t get angry that I have to work, or look at it in terms of “if we didn’t have to pay $2,000/mo to the OTHER kids, then I would get to stay home with MY two children.” My husband’s first ex-wife got to be a stay-at-home Mom because of the money my husband payed in child support to her, and she got her college education for free because of the alimony. I work full-time and have had to put finishing my degree on hold because I don’t have any time left over after working fulltime and parenting my two girls. But that’s not her fault - it’s an agreement they came to during their divorce, and it was part of the “baggage” of my husband.
When you walk into a marriage with ex-wives and prior children involved, you walk into ALL of that, and those financial commitments come before anything else, because they were there first. My husband and I chose not to have any children together - with my two, and his four, it just wasn’t a smart financial decision. Do I wish we could have one together? Of course! But do I blame anyone else? No way. I knew what I was walking into and I honor his commitment to providing for his other children.
quote:
[i]Originally posted by ivyalmighty[/i] [br]jojo, My husband and I chose not to have any children together - with my two, and his four, it just wasn't a smart financial decision.
Ivy - All I can say is Wow! Though it is easier for a man with children to remarry than it is for a woman, it takes a special kind of woman to marry a man with 4 children. My hat is off to you, Lady!
Have a kid or two first then get back with me you don’t understand because you don’t have one of your own!!!
quote:
[i]Originally posted by ivyalmighty[/i] [br]jojo, As the wife of a divorced man, who has FOUR children by prior marriages, I think I can speak as someone with experience. Those other children - be it my husband's four, or your husband's one - were around loong before you, or your child were. He made a commitment and an obligation to take care of that child before you were ever in the picture. Therefore, just because he chooses to remarry and have another child doesn't decrease his obligation to the first child. These are things you needed to think about before you married him and had a child with him. When you married him, you married his prior child, too. I don't moan about having to pay 1/2 the cost for braces for two of my husband's children. I don't get angry that I have to work, or look at it in terms of "if we didn't have to pay $2,000/mo to the OTHER kids, then I would get to stay home with MY two children." My husband's first ex-wife got to be a stay-at-home Mom because of the money my husband payed in child support to her, and she got her college education for free because of the alimony. I work full-time and have had to put finishing my degree on hold because I don't have any time left over after working fulltime and parenting my two girls. But that's not her fault - it's an agreement they came to during their divorce, and it was part of the "baggage" of my husband. When you walk into a marriage with ex-wives and prior children involved, you walk into ALL of that, and those financial commitments come before anything else, because they were there first. My husband and I chose not to have any children together - with my two, and his four, it just wasn't a smart financial decision. Do I wish we could have one together? Of course! But do I blame anyone else? No way. I knew what I was walking into and I honor his commitment to providing for his other children.
Good for you. You was able to move on and everything but what if he wants to move on to. I agree he should help pay, if he is a dead beat dad, but what if he is just a broke dad at the time; Should he go to jail to? What if that was your son that had a child and was trying to take care of his new family and the outside kid, and he was doing his best, would you want him to go to jail because he lacks the funds to pay. What would you tell your own son to do?
[br]jojo,
I understand your frustration at having your boyfriend/husband either threateded or actually placed in jail for failure to pay child support. But, I am a mother of a 13 year old boy whose father hasn’t paid child support (except to get out of jail) in two years. It may look like we are “living well” but that is because I am working two jobs. Yes, I am getting remarried, but that doesn’t negate my ex’s responsibility to our son. My fiance has two kids of his own who live with us and shouldn’t be resonsible for one that has a father who does what he wants when he wants to. My fiance has helped pick up the slack financially out of love, but in reality it isn’t his responsibility. I have not interfered with visitation (ex has son EVERY weekend) or spoken ill of my ex in my son’s presence. But is it right for the mother to pay for everything just because the father won’t/can’t? It takes more than one appearance before the judge to be placed into custody, unless there is contempt (not showing up or mouthing off, for example) involved. The state eill not file suit until there hasn’t been a payment for 90 days, except in extreeme cases. If there is a consistant effort shown, jail is a last resort. A parent makes a consious descion to the welfare of any possible child born of his or her actions. If he/she can’t deal with the responsibility of a child, then they shouldn’t concieve, accidental or otherwise. Life is about choices, if you don’t like the consequences, then don’t put yourself in that position.
[/quote]
jojo-
I think you mis-read. I married my husband, and I already had two children of my own. He already had four children of his own. Two were adopted with his first wife (their bio father was a deadbeat) one was made with his first wife, and one was made with his second wife. So between us, we have six children. I do have children of my own, so I do understand. But that is why he and I made our marriage a very conscious, logical decision - not based as much on love (which of course had to be there) but on finances, commitment, and the ability of all of us to get along in a situation that includes a grand total of six children and THREE mothers!
So as much as we would like to make a baby together, we have chosen not to because there’s so many other kids already in the mix.
If your husband truly wants to move on, he should consider giving up his rights to the child. This is what my husband’s first wife offered the biological father of her children. He was in jail every other month for not paying child support and my husband and his wife went to this man with an offer of “sign off your rights so they can be adopted or go back to jail.” He chose to sign over rights, and my husband adopted them.
Stepmother - One is 20 and in the Air Force… One is 18 and in college, which we are helping to pay for… One is 13 and just went on her first date… One is almost 7, and that is the one with a separate mother who is BPD and we are trying to retain custody of since she was left with the mother during his deployment. Then there’s my two, aged almost-six and almost-three. It’s a LOT of kids. And no help from my children’s biodad - which is more of an emotional relief than a financial burden!!!
Jojo,
First off, my ex has no other responsibilities other than himself and our son. He still doesn’t pay.He doesn’t work and he isn’t trying to find a job. It sounds like you are in the situation where you’ve had a child with a man who has a child from a previous relationship. The child support formulas allocate a fair distribution of support for a child. It is crazy for one parent (be it the mom or the dad) to pay for everyting when it comes to raising a child. The fact that your man is a “broke dad” is a choice he has made. Either by his inability to get a good paying job or choosing to have more kids than he can care for. Should he be locked up? Not if he makes an effort. And the way the court system is set up if he makes an attempt to pay what he can, then he won’t be locked up unless he is defiant to the judge. IF my son were the one who was about to be locked up for non payment of child support… No I would not want him to go to jail BUT if he is man enough to make a baby he should be man enough to take care of it too. Any man who can’t make an effort to take care of their own child should be locked up. It is only for a short time anyway, or until they can come up with some kind of payment. The bottom line is, an attempt to make payments (even partial) is seen by the court as a good faith effort. It takes THREE months of NO payment and/or a arrears of over 3000.00 BEFORE any court date is set. Then there is a hearing and if it is shown that the dad is doing his best, the judge won’t order jail time, unless the court is disrespected. It is not black and white… Pay or go to jail, there is a middle ground. You ask what I’d tell my son if he were “broke dad”. First off I’d let him have it for getting into the situation. Then I’d see about getting his responsibilty reduced if he truly couldn’t pay. Then If he continues to behave irresponsibily, that is his choice and he needs to face the concequences, even if that means going to jail. That is life. It was your choice to have a child with a man who has a prior responsiblity. Why should your child get to have it’s daddy full time and the first child be seen as a burden?
Tina
The way the child support system is set up when you go to court for being behind, if you don’t have all the money that you are behind then you will go to jail till you pay. They don’t even care if you are trying to make an effort. How is someone suppose to go to work if they are lock up.The child still not going to have any money if he is lock up. So how is that benefiting the child. When he gets locked up now the government has to take care of him and the child, by feeding him and housing him in jail. And for the ones that just don’t want to work then yes they should be locked up. But don’t forget you have ones that want to work and try to work but jobs just want hire them. It isn’t that easy for every one to find work you know. Sometimes even if they do work it still does be enough to support two families. I’m not saying he shouldn’t support the other kid but the other mother should be working too. And who in the devil would choose to be broke!!! If the system was set up to help the fathers that are trying and stop putting them in the same boat as the ones that are not, then yes it would be right. But give the ones that are trying a fair chance. Why should I have to be a full time wife, mother, and still have to work, and while the other mother gets to sit at home with her child all day waitng for her check to come, and waiting to get help from the government. Shouldn’t she have to work too? Or is okay for her to use her child as a pawn shop not to work, because shes to lazy. When she can work just like everyone esle. [quote]Originally posted by trbotina
[br]Jojo,
From what I’ve read on this you are angry that his ex is not working, and he is not able to find a job to pay enough to support his child and your family.
My suggestion is that you quit worrying about the ex and what she does or doesn’t do. You will NOT change it and are only wasting your time here “preaching to the choir” about the system not being fair. We all know that some parents, fathers and mothers alike, take advantage of the system and live off of the government. We all know that it is difficult to make ends meet sometimes and that if necessary your spouse may have to take on more of the finacial responsibility in order for you to pay your prior finacial obligations. The courts do not care that you have to work also so that your husband can pay child support. They want the child taken care of.
Should she work? My opinion is yes, but then I’m not the judge. And her employment status does not affect whether or not your husband should pay his child support. Should the courts understand if there are circumstances that are beyond your control and payments get behind? My opinion is yes, but then, I don’t have any control over what the courts hear.
I’m not trying to be ugly, but it sounds as though you believe all the cosmic forces are working against you and your family and in my opinion you should be concerned with getting out of this situation and doing what you have to do. Life is tough, some times are tougher than others. If you feel that you are at the lowest point then it can only get better from here.
Jojo,
I have delt with the child support system for over two years of inconsistant payment. My ex has spent TWO nights in jail. We have gone to court 4 times. You can’t tell me that your husband is making a real effort and getting put in jail over and over. As far as him being arrested in fron of your child, he had ample notice to appear in court BEFORE an arrest warrant is served. My fiance has two kids from a prior marriage, I have one. WE pay for ALL their needs, they all live full time with us. The other parents have visitation on weekends. He recieves 150.00 a month from his ex, I am supposed to get 499.00 from mine (although he doesn’t pay). WE pay for all the clothes, braces, health care, food, school supplies, toys, electricity, phone, etc etc etc… His ex only works part time as an assistant for her new husband who is a photographer. She gets to go and do what she wants when she wants. I have to work every day, including weekend at a second job. The kids see up when they wake up and after school. On weekends they get to see the other parent for all the fun stuff. It is what it is. I may not like the situation BUT I throw myself my own little pity party then go on with life, because it is what is best for the kids. A stable home with us handling the serious stuff in their lives. We have little control over our ex’s decions on what they are doing in THEIR lives. Do I want my ex in jail for non payment? Not really, I’d rather have the money, but he’s made the choice not to pay, because he doesn’t have the money, doesn’t have a job, blah blah blah… really isn’t my problem. Our son still needs to eat this week. If your husband’s ex is on public assistance she doesn’t have much of an income. Believe me I tried to get some kind of help, but I make too much money. (about 25000.00 a year working two jobs) There are choices to be made if you are this unhappy about the ex. You will have to deal with her for the rest of your lives. They say it’s until the kid is 18, but be realistic… a parent’s involvement doesn’t disappear when they turn 18. I think Stepmother has a point about you being angry with the ex, I feel you are a little jealous too. My advise is if you love this man and want to make your family work, suck it up and go on with life, stop playing the poor pitiful me and put the children first (both of them) The kids didn’t do a thing wrong. Tey didn’t choose to be made, but they deserve to be taken care of. I also feel you need to make a consious effort to hide your hostility from both children. I do not know what visitation is, but remember the first child is half his/her momma, and reguardless of the momma’s failings deserves to love his/her momma without feeling wrong in the eyes of his/her daddy’s family. If you do not like the situation you’re in then it is up to you to change it, be it stepping back from the situation or stepping up to being a good momma, to both children.
I don’t know what county you live in but maybe we should move there. And ir eally would love to know what system your child support is under because ours don’t work that way. Our system they don’t even tell you when your court date is , they say it is up to you to find out and it is not their job to tell you. And for the warren thing no kone told him that he had a warrent untill one day the ,sheriff came to my front door. Here in my county if you are late the first time then they will call you and late you know you have a court so you can explain why you don’t have the money. And if you don’t have money while you are in court then they will put you in jail. The second time that you get behind then you don’t get a call to tell you your court date , they just put a warrent out for your arrest. So please MISS thing tell me what county yopur system works under. Because ours in this county don’t work that way. Iwent to court many of times and seen it happen to too many people. And I know to many people that has happen to. And no I’m not angrey at the other mother, I just don’t like DEAD BEAT MOMS. That don’t do anything but complain. And yes I have to live with it for now but not always. Hopefull one day the system will be better. And may be I will find a statution to my problem. And yes the kids didn’t ask for this, but what the hell their here now and these are the cards they got dealt. So now it is my job to find a statution. And just sitting back and dealing with it ain’t one of them. {quote]Originally posted by trbotina
[br]Jojo,
It sounds to me like you are not going to be happy with anything anyone on here suggests. Maybe an attorney will post where you can find out what the procedure is for informing someone of a court date, since he should not need to be informed that he is behind on child support. This is the only thing that I think an attorney would look at on this post. There’s not much need for an attorney to respond on this one. Maybe you could post the county that YOU are in and see if someone on here has had a similar experience in that county…
If he’s behind on child support then he knows it, and it shouldn’t take a phone call or a letter to tell him that he owes his child support…it’s due at the same time every month. If your county automatically give jail time without payment, then to me that would suggest that child support is taken more seriously where you live…some parents wish they had that problem. Since you know this is what happens, don’t be late or short with the child support. Be angry or aggrivated at the ex if you want to be. Go on believing that you will not have to deal with her for the rest of your life with him. No matter how much the system changes it will NEVER be her fault that you have to work or that your husband has to pay child support. Make the child suffer and end up angry at you because you talk badly about his/her mother. That will NOT change what the mother does. The suggestion wasn’t to sit back and deal with it…the suggestion was to figure a way out of the debt you are in and quit worrying about the ex and how good or easy you think she has it. Being angry and hostile towards everyone is NOT going to change your situation so this thread is really not doing anyone any good. There has been a lot of people posting on her with good advice/suggestions. It’s your choice whether or not you take any of them…
quote: “And yes the kids didn’t ask for this, but what the hell their here now and these are the cards they got dealt.”
I think this is the one line that disturbs me most.
BTW I’m in Orange County, my ex is in Durham County and the child support is handled through the State Department of Health and Human Services. The website is www.ncchildsupport.com From the site you can get all the info on amounts due and hearings that are scheduled.
I don’t care for dead beat parents, be it a momma or a daddy. I do care for kids who get caught in the middle of their parent’s juvinile behavior. In my opinion, kids are the most important influence in a parent’s life. If not, then they need to re-evaluate their prioities.
Dear JoJo,
The state considers the collection and enforcement of child support to be one of its primary goals and so they will often use any action necessary to ensure that child support gets paid. If the amount of support paid by your Husband is more than he can afford, then he should make sure that child support is correctly calculated based on the guidelines. If the amount is incorrect then he should file a motion to modify child support. If the amount is correct he can file a motion to deviate from the guidelines, but it is very hard to get a court to agree to deviate from the child support guidelines. His best option for staying out of jail would be to try and get study work and make a consistent effort to pay child support on time. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you are able to get on your feet soon.
Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax
10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax
1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.