I would offer to pay 1/2 the cost of tuition to a state school. That’s what is in my agreement. If she wants the kids to go Ivy League, they can get student loans and Pell Grants. Lots of college graduates begin life in debt. Let them decide how much in debt they want to be.
If your agreement does not give specific parameters about the cost of your obligation for college, then it is reasonable to expect that only mutually agreed to expenses would be considered. You may want to start talking to your ex about your expectations in terms of cost for college before your child’s expectations are set.
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The separation agreement between my husband and ex is very loosely worded and says something like they will “share/split” college costs for the children. Problem is ex is encouraging Ivy League schools! We know she has no $$ set aside for kids and while we have some it will not even be enough for one year at an Ivy League. We suspect that a relative might be offering to pay some. How should we handle this? We have talked to the kids about the reality of the situation but meanwhile Mom just keeps on pushing the expensive schools. We have said something to Mom but she basically won’t talk about it and feels like children can go “anywhere they want”.